How about that news folks? After a few years on hiatus, drug use in Hollywood has once again kicked into high gear. Sadly, the way things work is that a few weeks in a treatment center guarantees a lot of offers when they let you out! Be it far away from the truth to have The Squealing Pig endorse drug use HOWEVER, don't be a jackass and get your name in the news! This week has provided me with news of people that probably need rehab but "don't have a problem" MMkay. Before I get started, what the hell is a "Bluetooth"? I'll tell you this...I just got done eating blueberries so, I present this Blog to you in "Blue Teeth". Let's get started, shall we? Adjust your monitor to read this in blue teeth.
- Anna Nicole Smith -Just hearing her name is funny enough. Her son died while in the hospital visiting her and her new baby. C'mon Anna, the Bahamas are a good place for dying. The police really don't care. This kid had no drugs in his system? Sorry. He had Xanax and speed in his system! Poor Anna was so broken up over the death that they had to give her valium. I wonder how many other relatives of hers will die as the reason for taking drugs? Giving Anna valium is like giving a drunk a bottle of Jack Daniel's! That's OK though. Trimspa did a good job with her no matter how screwed in the head she is! If the "locals" in the Bahamas decide that she was somehow involved in her son's death, One more photo shoot please! This time, forget Playboy...I want to see her in Hustler rolling around in mud with Courtney Love!
- Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown -Where do I begin with these two? After all the years of being married (I use the term loosely) and making headlines everywhere they went for their drug addiction and Bobby's arrests, Whitney has finally said, "enough is enough" and has filed for divorce. That's a good idea. It's all Bobby's fault. If not for him, Whitney would still be on top of the world! It was all Bobby's fault that Whitney snorted that cocaine, smoked the dope, popped the pills, and picked up that crack pipe. Heaven help us if Whitney releases a gospel album for her "comeback". Funny thing is, no matter what you do...drugs or chop someone's head off with an axe, all is forgiven when you mention that God is in your life. Whitney will probably appear on Oprah soon to have a "heart to heart" and explain how much she's learned from her life experiences. Afterwards, she'll attempt to board a plane at O'Hare when they discover a glad bag full of dope. Let's see how this plays out.
- Johnny Mathis -The negro "King of Croon" has a couple two three dozen records going back to the early 1960's. Your parents probably brought you into this world with one of Johnny's albums playing on the Hi-Fi and the lights turned down low in your Grandparents living room. "Chances Are" was an invitation for romance. While I know the song well...I'm most familiar with his Christmas music. Anyway, what to do when you sing standards in 2006 and try and compete with "The Black Eyed Peas" and "Diddy"? Well, you reach for the crack pipe! This guy who's nearing 70 years old is upset that the whippersnappers out there aren't stepping over one another to snatch up Johnny Mathis CD's. He just left rehab and is about to hit the road once again. When I hear "Marshmallow World" and "Have Reindeer, Will Travel" this Christmas, I'll be thinking of you Johnny!
- Bert from "Sesame Street" -I can't believe this one! Sesame Street's Bert is at a career crossroads. Bert was caught by Sesame Street staffers smoking a crack pipe and shooting up heroin. Apparently, Bert is worried that he and Ernie are being shuffled to the bottom of the deck with all the new characters getting the most attention. Well, staffers at the Children's Television Workshop had enough when Bert showed up the other day looking disheveled with a three day beard growth. An intervention isn't out of the question however, Bert said that he's on to everyone's tricks and has so far refused. In a statement from CTW, they explain things openly, "It has come to our attention that the public has been made aware of Bert's problems. We hope Bert gets the help he needs. If after 38 years together with Ernie he refuses treatment, we will be forced to terminate our relationship. As a result, all 38 years of Bert's antics will be digitally erased"
