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OK folks, let's give it up for a special edition of "TSP WORLDWIDE v. 4.0". Hard to believe we're beginning the slippery slope towards the end of summer. Although there's about a month and a half of having the kids at home, They already saw "Spiderman", "Fantastic Four" and all the Disney computermation films. All that's left is that damn Harry Potter book before the kids move on to opening up fire hydrants and shooting out Mr. Wilson's window with a slingshot. There's the good ol' Wal-Mart. They claim to be a "pure" place to shop with no dirty music or dirty movies but meanwhile they are such a good EOE that forces workers to work for 16 hours and get paid for only eight. Well, tonight I'm taking a look at our local store down the street, and all the shenanigans that go along with it. I will also touch on the future of carnivals in Illiana and why it's time to take a giant pair of hedge clippers to their power lines so they can pack it up and head back to Florida...Well, let's do it.- Ahhh Yes...Wal-Mart. In the late 80's/early 90's the only way you'd see one is off an Interstate out in the sticks. If you were to push James Earl Jones and Kevin Costner to the side as you make your way through the cornfields, you'll come across a Sam Walton property. I've never seen so many John Deere caps and bib overalls in my life! Then I heard they were expanding to Chicago and knocking down the old "Monkey Wards" in Lansing to build a new store. Pushing all their corporate and legal troubles aside, they've made the news again a few times this week. I stopped in for a few odds and ends and I got started on this rant because of that silly Betty Crocker oven for little girls that is said to either cause 2nd or 3rd degree burns by a child reaching inside, or it may even start on fire. There towards the end of the aisle were a few shelves with this "oven". They should have pulled them off the shelf! I will say this: I never heard of anyone getting 3rd degree burns from a 40 watt bulb...if it hurts, LET GO!
- Also in the store, dolls, action figures and other stuff from years past, to those associated with current movies. What better wayto slip in some other newcomers in between Spiderman and Batman? Well, Moses parted the Red Sea, so he can surely part Spidey and Batman. As of right now, there's only a Jesus and a Moses. They stand as tall as all the other action figures however, these toys are supposed to lure kids away from the other toys that are "unsuitable for kids". Here's my problem...Good idea for some people I guess but, launching a line of TWO toys and nothing else right now, and placing it between WWE and Darth Vader...Well, is that a good thing? Until they develop more stuff, the toymaker ought to consider making Jesus with a Kung Fu grip and Moses with a rocket cycle to jump the Grand Canyon.
- Weirdos, freaks, hippies, crack heads, drunks...Where do you find all this? Not just in Downtown Chicago. Go to a local carnival. Considering there's plenty to pick from. Put on some rubber gloves, a good pair of jeans (So as not to get poked by any needles) and head over to one of those trailers with your lemonade shake-up and funnel cake. The trailers that house the row of clowns where you may spend $25 or more before you finally shoot the water at the clown and bust the balloon before they give you a prize worth about a dime and imported from China. There's also the game with the gun where you shoot at the paper star, the horse racing game, throwing dangerous darts at balloons, posters and maybe people too, and last but not least for the people that will never see Las Vegas, they can put their life savings on a dizzy field mouse running into the closest hole just to get the damn thing over with. The rides? Forget about it! Hard to believe that a 2" screw can cause a big ferris wheel to collapse and go rolling. Bottom Line: greasy foods high in sugar, games that teach sharpshooting with a firearm, as well as gambling on a field mouse...Do teenagers need this crap? The rides are in a class by themselves. I use caution at Six Flags and Disney World. A carnival? Certainly not. Until next time, kick it!
