More Bears, Porno Potter, The Uncomfortable Pink Slip, and These Birds Will Sing...Again!

• The "Super Bowl Sickness" is in full swing and I for one have had just about enough! So far this week (and it's only Wednesday) I've heard everything I ever wanted to know and more! It's a bit strange when ESPN shows basketball, hockey and other stuff, and the NFL Network is showing old games from 25 years ago while the local news is pulling in all their resources to make sure we know EVERYTHING about Miami. Some of what I've learned thus far is the current temp. on the beach, if it will be sunny or rain tomorrow, how much the cost of living is there, , how bad the drugs and crime rate compare with other places, how The Bears got a bum deal with their hotel accomodations and what time Rex Grossman went to bed and got up. All of Lovie Smith's in-laws were also tracked down to give their two cents on the calmest coach in the NFL. I've also managed to learn that thanks to all our modern technology, there's not a second in the day that we have to go without hearing the same stories told over and over. ABC7 in Chicago says that we can have all the lastest news on the big game sent to our cellphones via text, or sent to your desktop pc, or your Bluetooth, If you're not up to date yet, they can call your house at 3 am and update you or send you a telegram thru Western Union. Also, McDonald's may have a wake up call however, nothing compares to an early morning call from a recording of Lovie Smith. All that we have yet to find out is how many times Lovie Smith takes a poop each day!
• People in the United Kingdom just don't play by anyone's rules. Case and point: Harry Potter's Daniel Radcliffe's new gig in a stageplay. The only buzz that comes from the other side of "The Big Pond" is that the teen has a risque role and spends most of the show nearly naked. The play is causing quite a stir because the young man's squeaky clean image onscreen has been dragged through the mud and his future with the Potter franchise now is questionable. Oh, don't worry, he's not apologizing about anything to anyone...he merely just wants to widen his roles, nevermind the fact that the play is about a young man's love for horses who gets up close and personal while almost naked. Those crazy Brits! In America, this is called child porn and lands you in jail!
• One of the first talk show casualties this season was the end of Geraldo at Large. Just a few weeks ago, Jimmy Kimmel had the guy on his show and Geraldo was bragging about his ratings. "We're gonna be on a long, long, time" he boasted. He probably jinxed himself by opening up his yapper because it's already off the air and replaced by M*A*S*H which can now be seen pretty much around the clock. Now, the next one to get the pink slip is this screwball Greg Berhendt (above) who got his own show by some fluke after writing a few books on relationships and writing scripts for Sex and The City. I knew this guy was a hack. He said that he's been in rehab for drugs and alcohol a few times, came Soooo close to being a rock star ( and the dye job on the spiked hair and clothes that don't match say Paula Poundstone circa 1985) He's done it all...that's right, DONE it all. Now he can add talk show to the list of "been there done that". Hopefully he didn't get "Tribune Company" tattooed on his ass like Danny Bonaduce did.
• Finally, as reported earlier this week, this is a big time in music. It really may be the 1980's all over again. Now, there's another group tossing their hats into the ring...The Eagles sure they've had their big reunion tour a few years back and I guess their bank vault is coming down to the last few million.so it's time to hit the studio. Speaking of hit, what group will be the first to realize they can't get along in any way anymore and make a song or two and call it quits? Of the three groups, I predict that Van Halen will not make it. If for no other reason, David Lee Roth needs a good haircut.

Problems with posting but hopefully fixed later.

• When things get back to normal, here's what you can expect:
• The Chicago Bears and all the hype. Enough is enough already! This Super Bowl might crash like the Hindenberg.
• Nicole Kidman's driving school...an accident, or was Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes behind the trouble on the set of her latest movie?
• Guess who's made up and headed into the studio? David Lee Roth and Van Halen. Something tells me that they'll get half way done before Eddie Van Halen gets pissed and throws him out again. Sammy Hagar? To make things nice, he doesn't want any part of that baloney. Anyway, things are better in Cabo Wabo.
• Another reunion that was never supposed to happen...The Police have also taken to the studio. Sting, Andy Summers, and Stewart Copeland who last played together in 1983 with the release of their top selling record Synchronicity. "Roxanne" was a good song however, anyone that knows my history will know that past events have since tarnished the song. The whole story becomes available when I can post again!

Technical Problems

Unfortunately, the photos are not working tonight. Make sure to visit tomorrow.

Hang in there!

Point and click tomorrow for the return of The Squealing Pig's Week in Review.

"Boo Yah!!!!"

NFL FACT:

Some people believe that the 2007 Super Bowl in Miami will go down in the books as a very historic event however, for all the wrong reasons. The fact that two black NFL coaches will be facing one another at the start of Black History Month means absolutely nothing. What is historic is that The Bears' "Tank" Johnson will be the first NFL player to play the game wearing a tracking device!

"Gloria Estefan tickets are hard to get but there's always Ricky Martin!"

Some random thoughts about this past weekend. . .

• For those of us folks who live in Indiana or Illinois, there was nothing but good news and reason to celebrate with both the NFC win of THE BEARS and the AFC win of The Colts. Both teams now have two weeks to get their game on before heading to Miami, Fl. for the 41st Annual Super Bowl. This got me to thinking about the odd bets that are thrown together at the last minute by the Mayors of competing cities. Chicago traditionally puts together a gift basket filled with Gino's East deep dish pizza, Eli's famous cheesecake, and a big Italian beef sandwich with hot and mild peppers from Mr. Beef. What would Indianapolis give to Chicago? They aren't known for anything. Let me tell you, after visiting that place a few times, there's a lot of familiar "chain" restaurants like Applebee's and Pizza Hut and that's about it. The last time I swung by old Indy I dined at a Lone Star Steakhouse. On that particular weekend night, Indiana Pacers very own Reggie Miller was trying to eat his dinner while signing autographs and posing for pictures between bites. That told me right there that it may be a nice place to visit but, I wouldn't want to call it home. All Chicago may get is a couple ears of corn and some horse shoes and maybe some "shoo-fly" pie from the area Amish folks.
• It's nice to kick up your heels with a keg of beer and a 5th of Jack Daniels but, did you see how many people in Chicago started partying like this twelve hours before kickoff in ten degree temps outside? By the time the game had gotten started, half of the people were passed out and the other half were being rushed to the hospitals for either hypothermia or frostbite. It's always fun to stand out in front of Soldier Field drunk in the middle of the night holding a 12 pack with your shirt off and making lots of noise with the 100's behind you doing the same thing. Why? Because channels 2,5,7,9,32, and ESPN, CNN, and Fox News are there to capture all this with their reporters and Hi-Def cameras. I hope all these people went to work today proud...that is, if they made it.
• Q&A time. Well, actually rhetorical question time. 1) The sporting goods business makes the most money during the Super Bowl, World Series, NBA Finals among others. They have a lot of items already made up and ready to hit the shelves no matter who wins. In the end, what happens to all the stuff leftover from the losing team that never made it out of the box? Destroyed? Given away? 2) Say you're in Chicago at night and glance up at the John Hancock building where one side appears dark except for the office lights left on that spell out "Go Bears". How do they do that? If you live on one of these floors that aren't included in the display, must you sit in the dark all night long so you don't screw things up for people below who are looking up? What if you tell the manager of the building that you work until 11 pm and come home to relax and read the paper? You can't read in the dark. Oh my, SO many questions and more to come!

"Seinfeld curse hits Jerry and jumps networks to ABC"

• The only person not affected by the dreaded Seinfeld curse appears to be Julia Louise Dryfuss who enjoys success with The New Adventures of Old Christine. Jason Alexander has gone through two shows already and now has a recurring role on Everybody Hates Chris on the CW network. Michael Richards also has had his share of bad luck with two sitcoms that tanked after less than a month (we'll get more into his story in a minute). Now, Jerry himself has fallen victim to his own curse. Maybe rather than coming out of retirement and doing stand-up comedy again, Jerry should have flown under the radar and stayed home with the wife and two kids. Jerry who was in the market for a new dwelling place, got himself a real estate agent with dollar signs in her eyes. This lady who was obviously taking advantage of Jerry was showing homes in New York. Jerry wasn't impressed by what he saw and parted ways with the woman. A month had passed and Jerry found a place on his own and his former real estate agent finds out about this and decides to sue the guy. For what? "Breach of contract". Originally seeking several hundred thousand dollars for her efforts, Seinfeld settled out of court where she willingly accepted $100,000. Let that be a lesson to you ham and eggers shopping for a new house...greed is one place where prejudice doesn't exist!
• I really don't find it necessary to bring up the Michael "Kramer" Richards rant from a couple of months ago however, Richards is still using Chap-Stick after all the ass kissing he had to do for the racial slurs against black audience members at a comedy club appearance. Keeping that story in mind, what's America going to do about this Isaiah Washington of Grey's Anatomy? This guy is homophobic, and his being outspoken about the gay community came to a head after the awards show the other night. So they say, supposedly at least one or two people on that show happen to be gay. Now, normally anyone else would get fired for those remarks...not Mr. Washington. ABC has given this guy a free pass to say he's sorry. No way ABC! An "I'm sorry" ain't gonna cut the mustard. Michael Richards has been more black in recent months than a black person. On one episode of Seinfeld, Kramer who was dating a black woman was set to meet her family for dinner. He fell asleep in a tanning booth. Now, that should have been enough for the guy. With Isaiah Washington, let him do service at an AIDS clinic or the YMCA. Pull this guy off the show and screw him like the screw job that Michael Richards got!

"Ditka dishes dirt AND, Nintendo's Wii: People are dying to get it!"

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  What in the hell is wrong with "Iron Mike" Ditka? What I should ask is why does Chicago actually give a crap about what Da Coach has to say? The sun has set years ago on his successful career as a player and as a Coach. Remember his stint with The Saints? A hurricane like Katrina would have been a blessing in disguise to put an end to what was a miserable season. Now with Ditka enjoying retirement here in Chicago, he spends his time on the golf course and hanging with patrons at his restaurant chomping on his stogie and overseeing the kitchen staff as they prepare a triple bypass on a plate. A big, big steak served with a baked potato loaded with sour cream and butter. Let's not forget that Mike has sampled all the dishes before they made their debut on the menu...this is what landed Iron Mike at Northwestern Memorial Hospital a few years ago. Now, guess what? Mike's blood pressure is shooting through the roof and ESPN radio may very well kill the old cuss. When asked about who he favors for this Sunday's game, he said he could care less. "I'm a Sports Analyst" he said. "It wouldn't be right for me to predict anything. All I know is, I was with The Bears and with The Saints, and neither one liked me. I'm proud to say that both teams fired me." He then made a point to put the screws to Bears management who he claims, failed to open up their wallets when he was crying for help. After his tyrade, Ditka has refused all interviews with the media. Seems as though Mike has a special place in his heart for The Saints. I don't know why...he took a bad franchise and made it worse by driving it into the ground. I wouldn't count on watching the game at his place. He's a bitter, bitter man that's full of jealousy. While he's tinkering around with Arena Football, the big boys are on their way to the Super Bowl (maybe). Yeah Mike, Chicago made you rich...too bad you only got us there once!
• The things a Mother does for her children. Maybe you've heard about the radio station out in California that held a contest where hopefuls had the possibility of winning Nintendo's new Wii video game system. It was a somewhat simple task. They had to guzzle down as much water as they could without getting sick or using the restroom. The one contestant came in to the studio before work and thought this challeng was a piece of cake. Things took a turn for the worst after the woman finished over 3 gallons of water in a matter of minutes. All the hootin' and hollerin' by the five staffers came to an abrupt halt when the woman keeled over. Citing "poor judgement", management terminated the entire staff. Now, such shenanigans are popular on college campuses as a part of hazing (yes, it still takes place). Such an occurance is called "water intoxication" and like liquor, it gets you drunk first, and then kills you next. These jackasses can't understand what they did wrong! Next time, maybe they should stick to having contestants kiss a car for a few days...that is, if they find a job. Puzzling thing is, no mention if the woman's kids got their Nintendo considering their Momma died.
  

"Oh boy! More troubles in Hollywood AND, Saying goodbye to Springer"

• How about that Lindsay Lohan? Taking a look at her top half, I'd be thrilled to call her my girlfriend for a weekend or so. Well, Miss Lohan seems to be in a race with Paris Hilton over who can have the most car accidents/DUI's. Maybe we can put Paula Abdul into the mix too! Lindsay already cracked up a couple cars. Chalk one up for Paris who simply got a DUI. Common sense is a stranger to Paris who's only other blunder was not knowing where the gas tank on her car was. As far as Lindsay goes, not yet being 21 and entering rehab for a second time isn't a good thing for the career. She thought she had the program nailed when she told "People" magazine several months ago that she's been attending AA for over a year and considered herself a success for not getting drunk seven days before the interview. I say, Geez...good luck in rehab and hope to see you naked in some bad movie on Cinemax at three in the morning!
• I knew this was coming...Jerry Springer's sidekick Steve has just signed a deal with NBC to have his own talk show. Steve leaves 14 years of loyal service to Jerry behind. Oddly enough, Steve will be sharing studio space with Jerry at NBC Tower while the studio next door once occupied by Jenny Jones remains vacant. Steve assures us that his show will be...well, different. His and every one else. I hope this won't be the start of the next wave of chit-chat. Perhaps if Jerry were to call it quits, maybe Steve would have a chance. ...No dice. Steve promises that he'll be there to help people because he's a genuinely caring person. OK, how long until we se a food fight or a naked guy in a tub of baked beans? Yucko!

"Paula Abdul gets loopy, and Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt call New Orleans home"

"I wasn't drunk, I just lost track of the time and didn't get a lot of sleep" Milarkey? You betcha! Paula Abdul got bombed before promoting American Idol. Paula Abdul is no stranger to controversey. After a breakup years ago with Charlie Sheen, Paula became anorexic. After treatment, she moved on to painkillers. It now appears as though Paula has moved on to the heavy stuff. Doing an interview in her condition should have sent ripples through the entertainment industry. For a while, it did BUT, Danny DeVito got it worse than her on The View. Idol's premiere on Tuesday founf Simon Cowell and friends sidestepping Paula's problems. Already in the works is recruiting Diana Ross to climb on board and join the panel. Next stop for Paula after rehab is a guest stint on the next Surreal Life...Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt just don't know when enough is enough. First they have a home built in Africa and adopt a couple kids along the way. This type of stuff makes Bono and Oprah look like a couple of heels! Now the two good-doers have packed their crap and are getting ready for a move to New Orleans, right in the heart of where all the damage took place from Katrina. They plan to open up their checkbooks and help build homes for those who are still left homeless. I want to know who these two are trying to hoodwink. Angelina Jolie can't even get along with her father, Jon Voight, was married to Billy Bob Thornton and wore a vile of his blood around her neck. Brad Pitt has his own problems...first he splits with Jennifer Anniston and now he's doing charity work. He's not the giving type to me. Certainly not a Donald Trump. Angelina must have made it clear that Brad would embrace the African kids or he can hit the bricks. That's right around the corner. The poor bastard wants to make movies and leave the nickel and diming to Sally Struthers!

A Squealing Pig EXCLUSIVE: MLK killed JFK

As we come off of another Martin Luther King Jr. holiday, let the truth be known: MARTIN LUTHER KING JR. was working for the CIA at the time of JFK's assasination in Dallas. This is one scenario that almost came true for the Civil Rights leader who planned on overthrowing the government in a coup that would have made "crackers" slaves to blacks while King would take over the Oval Office. The Nation of Islam, Malcom X, and Jesse Jackson all worked together in unison on that day in Dallas. Jesse Jackson was the sniper inside the building. MLK was quick to choreograph a cover-up which pinned an innocent Lee Harvey Oswald with the murder. Federal agents were on to his shenanigans and threw a monkey wrench into something that could have changed the course of history. Holiday? Hell no! Where's Jack Kennedy's holiday?In the meantime, we have Borak Obhama. Should this Illinois Democrat run for President and win, Look for Diddy to be named Vice President, Usher as Secretary of State, and we need to find something for Oprah to do. Meanwhile, you must ask yourself if MLK deserves a day where the banks are closed, you don't have to pay parking meters, and the mailman gets another day off!

"When the light comes on, fasten your seatbelt!"

• If you're planning a trip anywhere in North America, don't be a dope and hop on a plane instead, consider driving to your destination. Now, since 9/11 the airline industry hasn't exactly lived up to all the promises it once gave us. Practically every airline has been affected by cuts in staff, bankruptcies, and mergers. This crock of baloney is good enough for me to stay away from the airport. Imagine if you will, a Southwest Airline's ground crew where half of the employees get the pink slip. Whoever is left is told to move quicker and do their job as well as someone elses. This is where mistakes are made, and in the aviation industry, things are black and white with no room for error. Here's a couple examples of what happens when you "trim the fat".
• Chicago's Midway Airport which enjoys much success as an alternative to O'Hare allows pilots to do pretty much whatever they want. For example, who can forget about the Southwest Airliner that went for a ride down Cicero Ave. for a block or two? In the midst of it all, the nose of the plane managed to hit a car and kill a little boy. The flight crew was clueless about what happened.
• Midway Airport again...the other day, an elderly lady who went to bed at 9:00 was suddenly awakened by a loud noise and insulation raining down on her head. After getting out of bed to investigate, a disc shaped object was at the foot of her bed. Glowing red hot, the lady decided to pick it up anyway and severely burned her hands. (Good thing to remember...if something comes through your roof and is glowing red, it's not too smart to waltz over to pick it up with your bare hands!), As it turns out, that particular part broke off of a twin engine plane which landed at Midway. Although nothing was reported, knowing that something had happened was good enough reason for the pilot to ditch the plane in an airplane hanger until things "blow over".

Now THAT'S something to think about!

"touching down this weekend..."

Flying ain't what it used to be. The Squealing Pig takes an inside look at the aviation industry and why taking a plane ride should make you scared as hell. We dish this story out on Saturday the 13th! Cheers to my left half who has a Birthday today. She finally turned 18 so I can quit worrying about going to jail!

"A big one with the works but, hold the anchovies!"

• LIFE IS LIKE A BIG, GREASY PIZZA...GOOD FOR A WHILE HOWEVER, LEAVING YOU WITH A BAD TASTE IN YOUR MOUTH.
• I was lucky enough to catch last night's big speech from our President. I don't really have an opinion one way or another on sending more troops to Iraq but, it's times like these that you have to wonder about all the people in their late teens and early 20's who at one time couldn't find Iraq on the map and are now over there. Surely, we must all know at least one person who begged their parents for financial help in going to college, only to be told that there are no "freebies" in life. "The best way to get the money you need" they say, "Is to join the service. Do your time for our Country and they'll put you through school when your time is done." Sounds good in theory BUT, too bad that with last nights speech, some of these young men and women are now on standby with quite a few gearing up for another stay in Iraq for a 3RD TIME! You college kids remember that when you're headed out for nickel beer night.
• Speaking of bars...there's a new company out there with what may be the best new product since "Red Bull". It's a new beverage that the company is rolling out slowly mainly near college towns. It's known as "AHR" which stands for After Hours Hangover Relief. The new drink which resembles a bottle of Aquafina is said to filled with electrolytes, no sugar, and comes in a variety of fruity flavors. The Peoria based company promises that booze hounds young and old can whoop it up all night long, have some of this water before bedtime, and wake up fresh and ready to go to school or work. That was kind of the idea with "Red Bull" too until some college kids developed some different combinations using various types of liquor. I contacted this company through their website with my inquiries.... Guess what? No response. Don't look for this "magic water" at your local grocery or pharmacy, it's only available at the neighborhood liquor store. AND LET THE PARTYING BEGIN! If you find this stuff, stock up. It will only be available as long as there aren't any deaths from DUI's pinned on this.
• Rosie vs. Donald vs. Barbara...So far, the battle of nitwits has put Rosie in the lead now that Barbara has publicly sided with Fat Rosie. Today, it was rumored that everyone is working hard behind the scenes to smooth things over because of this "major distraction". I say, let's open things up on an even larger scale and bring more people into this lame argument. How about Ellen? She's a lesbian too and could really give "The Donald" an ass lickin! Springer would be good as well. He's got years of experience with freaks and also may side with Rosie.
• Other major feuds just getting started: Madonna vs. Angelina Jolie, and John Cusack vs. Jeremy Piven.
• Oprah is still getting crap for visiting Africa and building a school for the kids to get a good education. She plans on giving these girls college tuition when they leave their high school so they can attend a nice, big University here in the United States. That may be a really generous thing for Oprah to do but, the argument is over Oprah ignoring the crappy schools in Chicago where there's all types of kids that need help with their education. Oprah says that it's ironic that people are chastising her for going to Africa and helping minorities when blacks happen to be the majority of the Earth's population. Is that right? Who said so and why didn't they tell me? What a bunch of milarkey!
• Finally, a video surfaced the other day which you can see on YouTube.com. Paris Hilton and all of her silly personalities all came together for a night of zaniness on the streets of L.A. It seems as though some bright eyed paparazzi spotted Paris in her new $200,000 sports car. While driving around with cameras in tow, Paris ran out of gas. A photog rushed to her aid and Paris couldn't quite tell the guy who said he'd get some gas, what kind of gas the car took. She didn't even know where the gas tank was...under the hood, the right side, the left side, on top, or in the back. They finally found it and the poor bastard gave her two gallons of gas which Paris paid for. After all the effort and the guy's hospitality, Paris (who never exited the car at all) stuck her arm out the window to get the change from the $20 bucks she let the guy use. If that happened to me, I'd top off the gas tank with some sugar or pee. This is why the rich get richer and I write this blog!

A Very Special Report!

...While the President speaks tonight, this blog is monitoring his every word. We return to our regular crap on Thursday.

"This trip through Oz ain't for the kids: Oprah, Hannibal, and Ray (scarecrow) Bolger"

Donald Trump? Rosie O'Donnel? Forget about them. Besides, the feud between the two has already been doing nothing but help ratings on their respective shows. As if those tow weren't bad enough by themselves, now they've put Barbara Walters in the middle. There's other fish to fry out there and one big fish that needs to jump in the frying pan...The Big "O".

• Maybe things are happening this way for a reason. Who hasn't already been sick to death of Oprah in the news and are enjoying Donald vs. Rosie as a refreshing change of pace?! A lawsuit was filed recently against Oprah and her Production company, The elderly woman claimed that during one of Oprah's tapings last year, she was pushed to the floor and stepped on and walked over by excited audience members who learned that at the show's end they'd be on the receiving end of one of her "everyone's a winner " prize packages. I hope the Jennifer Anniston DVDs that these women all got in the end was worth the pain and suffering for the lady. Personally, I would sue for pain and suffering for having to put that crappy DVD into my DVD player! The case is under review and more than likely will get settled out of court for a pair of tickets to another Oprah taping as opposed to the millions the woman is asking for. Another lawsuit against Miss Winfrey has hit a snag today as a man threatening to make public a telephone conversation with Oprah unless she gave him several million dollars didn't show up to court. As far as I'm concerned, the best way to make Oprah visit the bank and make a big withdrawl, is to report her to the FCC for indecency the next time her friend Dr. Oz pays a visit, This guy is always on and quickly becoming a rising star in Oprah's arsenal of talent. Oh sure, this guy is on satellite radio now however, wait and see...before long, Dr. Oz will be having his own show. It better be airing on OXYGEN NETWORK if it does. Say, on Sunday nights after that sex show with that granny Dr. Sue. I was watching Oprah's re-broadcast last night where Dr. Oz was visiting again. He shows up wearing scrubs, but is he truly a "Doctor"? Afterall, Dr. Phil was never a Doctor or Psychiatrist but claims to be one. Dr. Oz answers some rather disgusting questions and Oprah pretends to be taken by surprise and shocked. On the show yesterday I learned a lot of things that I can use as a good "ice breaker" at the next party I go to. I learned the correct way to wipe my ass, which direction I go when I do, things that cause the shits and when I'm seated on the shitter at the airport or McDonalds can I get and STD. By the way, the answer to the last part is "no". The ladies got help too. I was able to learn all about tampons, periods, bleeding, cramps, and PMS. We also heard why our armpits and private parts stink. This was a nice way to finish off the night before retiring right after I heard how a major restaurant chain had traces of feces and sperm on their soft drink glasses. I've always said that soda in a restaurant always tasted better than the 2 liter of Coke you get at the store!
• Finally, in the land of Oz, who can forget the loveable Ray Bolger's portrayal as The Scarecrow? While on a quest for a heart, he finds at the end that he had one the whole time. This was only a figure of speech of course but, if The Scarecrow really needed a real one, all he'd have to do is head to Paris where Hannibal Lector is locked in a prison and still licking his chops after a hearty dinner. Rumor is, they are actually planning another chapter based on "Silence of The Lambs". It was in the news over the weekend that a guy in a French prison had some explaining to do when guards doing a routine check on the inmates saw the guy's cellmate lying in a pool of blood. After turning the guy over who was obviously dead, they discovered the guys internal organs had been pulled apart and some were on the floor while some were missing. Among those missing included the man's heart! Parts of it were recovered but, the majority was gone. When the cellmate was questioned, I guess the blood around mouth was good enough to convince them that this guy had just eaten the other's guys heart! While the man hasn't officially confessed, it does give some credibility and reason behind the phrase, "Eat your heart out"! I don't even like kidney beans so I gotta give the guy credit.

That darn tiger! know when to fold 'em and VH MIA!

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• Tigger's reputation gets dragged through the mud yet again! After 2006 brought several incidents to light and landed Tigger in jail for a while, a new Tigger has wasted no time wrecking havoc at Disney World in Florida, This time, vacationers at the theme park were treated to an appearance by the "Angry Tigger". A family was down there for the holidays and stopped to pose for pictures with Pooh Bear's good pal. Luckily for the 14 and 7 year olds, another sibling was nearby to take video with a cell phone as Tigger puts a choke hold on one kid and punches the other one in the face. The man in the striped suit admitted to drinking before work hence, his angry outburst. No word yet on the employment status of the guy who was quickly escorted out of the park, As you may recall, within the past year there has been a number of lawsuits agains various people wearing the Tigger costume...everything from fondling breasts of teenage girls, grabbing the asses of women, swearing at people, and now smacking kids around. These guys can't be too bright considering most of these "attacks" are either caught on camera or video as the victims pose with Tigger for a photo, Once again, dear Walt is spinning in his grave. Funny thing is, the people running the show down there are worried about their family friendly image being tarnished meanwhile, this stuff is going on, Apparently, the top priorities are pulling chili cheeseburgers and fried chicken off the menu. They will soon be testing a new policy where if they hear you swear or don't come with the proper attire, they can ask you to leave or go back to your hotel to change clothes. Unless they start screening their employees, when I go back there and see Tigger walking my way, I'm going the other direction.
• The residents of a community outside Atlanta are up in arms over what they thought was a good neighbor turned out to be a jackass. It wasn't Jonny Knoxville or Steve-O that moved into the neighborhood, it was about who moved out without even a goodbye. Kenny Rogers. It seems as though Kenny, his wife, and two kids built their large home from the ground up in 2005. Meanwhile, hes family convinced him that the home was just not big enough. Rather than add on to the place, last summer Kenny had a construction crew come by and demolish the whole house! At the time, Kenny promised neighbors that he was going to rebuild a bigger home in that spot, As construction of the new house stopped after a few weeks, angry residents wanted to know what was going on and soon discovered that Kenny "changed his mind" about the area and called the whole thing off to build a home a few miles away because there was too much land and Kenny said, "Who would take care of a big home like that when Idie?" He should have thought about that from the start. Now everyone is up in arms because the partially constructed new home has also been demolished, All that is left on the parcel of land is dirt. Kenny didn't even replace grass or trees! After hearing the complaints, Kenny is hoping to fix things with the community by spending $65,000 on landscaping. They all are saying good riddance to The Gambler who didn't even give the neighbors a greatest hits CD, tickets to a show, or an autographed photo.
• Finally, the list of those being inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame was released with Van Halen making the cut along with several others. Call this a bit of good luck for a group that's had nothing but bad luck since the beginning. Who will show up at the ceremony to accept this prestigious honor? There's at least four people that won't be showing up: David Lee Roth, Sammy Hagar, Gary Cherone, and drummer Michael Anthony who recently parted ways with the group. If Eddie Van Halen is not in rehab at the moment he may attend by himself. Eddie has managed to turn the whole band into a big joke. Still going under the old band name, Van Halen is no more. No record in over a dozen years, Eddie has recruited his 15 year old kid and kid's friend to play in the band. Being unable to play the bars due to kids in the group, don't expect any new material anytime soon, if ever. This could very well be the first bar band ever to get an honor like this.

Being "Def", Holy Crikey, and Spears with Beers

• There's a funny thing about all the hoopla over HDTV. Sitting perched up on top with flatscreens, plasmas nd LCD's, these television sets are all the rage. Question is, how much would you be willing to spend during your visit to Best Buy or Circuit City? Two, maybe three thousand dollars? Put your Mastercard and Visa back in your wallet and take this hint courtesy of ABC 7 Chicago who are proudly boasting the fact they are broadcasting in Hi-Def. Even your thirty year old black and white TV will make your jaw drop when you see the picture. Little do they know, Hi-Def TV can only be viewed with an HDTV set. If channel 7 was really broadcasting in Hi-Def, all you would see on that channel is static and snow. Just like a placebo, if you keep hearing it you'll sooner or later start to believe it!
• 
  Moving along... in a recipe for bad taste, Entertainment Tonight and The Insider have given us "never before seen" video of Animal Planets Steve Irwin a few hours away from the deadly attack by a stingray. All these tapes were supposedly destroyed however, the crack team at both shows managed to slip into the library full of tapes and rescue two copies. In this video, Irwin cheats death for the time being as he wrestles with an angry crocodile. All the way through, we're constantly being reminded that in a few hours Irwin would die a tragic death. Shame on these magazine/tabloid shows for their lack of sensitivity to the guy's family.
• Britney, sweet Britney. You had a best selling CD at 15 and was sweet as can be. 2006 proved that success is best kept alive by cranking things up ten notches. Two kids and a divorce to rapper/wrestler K-Fed has made this Momma of two a party animal who likes to pull all nighters full of booze and sans the panties. It's said that her true colors are bleeding through...she really is "trailer park trash". There's nothing like home sweet home when you have two little kids pulling on your pant legs as you're guzzling down the 6 pack of Pabst Blue Ribbon from the 7-11 around the bend. Britney collapsed during a performance on New Year's Eve. Her publicist said this was due to her hectic schedule. Photos showed a disheveled looking Spears that appeared white as a ghost. Maybe it's time for an intervention?! While we're at it, pull up an extra chair for Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan!
  
  

Welcome to the new 3.0.

• After what seemingly came across as just another ordinary Christmas, we lost some people who were oh so dear to our hearts...
• Gerald Ford-Richard Nixon really was a crook and this guy was named as President to "clean up the mess". He's been called "The accidental President", a bafoon, and a horse's ass. All this name calling and mud slingling comes to a halt when Ford drops dead. All of a sudden he's a great American President! Chevy Chase hit the nail on the head with his Ford impression on SNL with him stumbling out of Airforce One and falling down the stairs. Everyone has nothing but a kind word to say about Ford. Too bad he wasn't around to hear any of it. He'll forever be known as the man that gave a pardon to Richard Nixon after Watergate.
• Lionel is dead. The former Jeffersons star and creator of Good Times left us a few weeks ago due to complications from throat cancer. The 57 year old Mike Evans guarantees no reunion for the cast.
• James Brown really IS dead. OK, this guy may have been a musical genius however, he had a suitcase full of marijuana, vicadin, crack, and crystal meth when he went on tour. An old man like that should be ashamed of himself...then again, there's nothing to be ashamed of when your dead and buried.
  
  

Finally, how about Saddam? I thought a good way to go was jumper cables on his balls! More to come as we break into the NEW YEAR!

Hang in there!

...Will return soom.