"While You Were Away..."

So, you didn't have time to catch the news the past week? Sure. It was Christmas and perhaps, a time for peace and quiet however, the news marched on and here's a few things you may have missed.

• Purrrrrfect Ironic ending - Comic book nerds and fans of campy nostolgia were left speechless on Christmas Day as the lady who portrayed Catwoman in the 1960's serial Batman passed away. She was in her 80's. Her death was somewhat ironic considering her other claim to fame was her rendition of, "Santa Baby" which was a top ten single in the 60's. Perhaps the Good Lord above chuckled to himself when choosing Christmas as a time to call her back home?! In any case, because of it being a rather slow week in the Entertainment Biz, another bit of irony surfaced in recent days when news tickers printed the same obituary on a daily basis as recently as today. That brings the total "deaths" of Eartha Kitt to five. Indeed, if the cliche is really true, this cat lady DOES have nine lives... which of course means, four more obits to go! Irony #3? Nope. This is kinda pushing a conspiracy theory not yet looked into. Though it is odd and almost exactly a year past his death, Heath Ledger and Eartha Kitt never crossed paths.
• If you hold his ear up close next to yours, you can hear the Pacific Ocean! Just don't take his picture, PLEASE! Although not yet officially, he's been our President since November. Borack Obama. He's held daily Press Conferences, selected a whole list of his favorites to fill the Democratic Party's empty shoes. All this while George W. Bush is still kinda technically our President although missing as of late. While Obama finishes his walk on the sandy beaches of Hawaii before being sworn in as Commander-in-Chief, publications such as Time Magazine are already pointing out Obama's biggest beef: Being followed by camera crews. A recent article discussed his being annoyed by "gawkers" preying on him and his family and same magazine showed a timeline of how the job ages a person at the end of his term. According to this photo at left, Obama will resemble Morgan Freeman almost as he appeared as President in Deep Impact. Hey, Obama's already aging rapidly due to Paparazzi? This photo may be somewhat conservative. Four years from now, he may look like Grady Wilson.
• From the "Gee, maybe I should've said something sooner" files... There's nothing funny about the L.A. fella who dressed up in a Santa suit and went berzerk on his ex wife and family on Christmas Eve. It was a tragic story that ended with his own suicide. As is often the case in tragedies such as this, days later people/witnesses/those who seek attention start speaking to reporters to spin their own stories on events leading up to what happened. A woman (who chose not to be identified for fear of God knows what) had a chat with the tabloid talk outlet known as, Inside Edition. It was this lady who makes a living as a seamstress, that said she felt something suspicious about the guy who came into her shop last month to get custom fitted for a Santa Suit and stressed that she make it "XXL with plenty of deep pockets on the inside". Of course, we know what happened next. Hours later, same woman appeared on CNN telling the same story. Thanks for nothing lady! It's too late for "would've, should've, could'ves". I'm sure the survivors are grateful for your suspicions about the bad Santa. It's a shame you didn't talk BEFORE the events took place!
• "A beautiful breeze in Greece" or in this case, "GREASE". Now your Pops/husband/boyfriend/significant other with bad taste can have the smell to go with it as Burger King rolled out it's latest menu item in the form of "Le toilet water". It's true. You or someone special can stink like the creepy pedophile King mascot who's always on the run from something or someone in commercials. Let's face it, you can smell like his meat... the meat that BK is so famous for "flame broiling" (although it's been decades since I actually spotted an actual fire going in the joint). Initially, the small bottle was to be sold via their website however, a few select stores sell the $7.99 bottle of BK right off the menu. Described as a cross between "Old Spice" and "fresh cut pine trees", this is the perfect follow up to last years "Play-Doh" cologne (which yes, actually existed). Save the eight bucks, wait for a warm day and throw Grandpa's Fruit of the Looms on the Bar-B in between the corn-on-the-cob and Oscar Mayer weiners and you get the same thing.