Happy Holidays to one and all! I can't tell you to have a "Merry Christmas" because many of you are not the religious type and find the phrase offensive. Now, as many of you curl up by the fireplace with your cup of "Holiday Cheer", here's why I think December 25th should be rubber stamped, "Return to Sender"!
First of all, it's true what they say, that "the older you get, the faster the year goes by" and the proof is in the putting: Eight years later and FOX is still 20th Century Fox. Someone must have been asleep at the switch.
Remember when you were a kid growing up and Rudolph, Frosty, and Charlie Brown were on only once a year? Yep. If you missed them on TV you were out of luck for a year.
Here in Chicago, I'd like to thank radio station WLIT 93.9 for playing nothing but Christmas music a day after Halloween. 65 Degrees the first week of November and I'm listening to Frosty the Snowman. The good news is, I don't like Michael Bolton or Celine Dion at ANY time of the year.
Here's another thing...the people that keep bitchin' about no more Marshall Fields! "Macy's just isn't the same" they say as they protest in front of the stores. It's a friggin' store people. It changed it's name. If you have a lot of money to spend, you don't have to shop there! Go to KMART! If the Shell station down the block turns to BP and you don't like it but need gas, you gotta go there.
A big raspberry goes out to Wal-Mart for putting a jump on the season weeks BEFORE Halloween...While you got a raincheck for the Nintendo Wii, at least there was a Quizno's in the store so you didn't have to make dinner. The Walton family has stood proud of their religious beliefs BUT, everything goes out the window come October!
Another raspberry goes to Walgreen's Drug Store. At 11:59 on Tuesday night, the minimum wage employees who were on the schedule will be busy as rabbits...turning the store into Valentine's, St. Patrick's Day, and yes, Easter.
Here's the big one: The History Channel/Discovery Channel and The Learning Channel. These guys ought to just stay with "American Chopper" instead of trying to extinguish all that we've learned about Christmas. So they say, December 25th was only penciled in on the calendar by accident. The real date should be in the middle of July where astronomy has shown that the North Star was only seen that July. Thanks for wrecking it!
To those anxious to slip into George W. Bush's shoes come November 2008, ENOUGH ALREADY! Sure, Hillary Rodham Clinton already ran the White House in the 1990's but, due to a loophole she can now be elected for two terms equaling a total of eight years. Let's put it this way...as long as the people in New Orleans keep singing the Blues instead of Jazz, Hillary will more than likely win. How's that for coal in your stocking? On the flipside we have Rudy Gulianni. Here's a guy who still gets into five star restaurants because of the fact that he was Mayor of New York. That's right...WAS! Let's do things like they do in grade school and instead of being Principal for a day, you can be President for a day. Bottom line is, all these politicians ruined my Christmas by wrapping the baby Jesus in a flag for a blanket and NO, that isn't right! So we have a whole year to hear the same old schtick? Well, I can pronounce "Clinton" but, I can also pronounce "McCain". As for the others, better tell Santa to stick a Thesaurus in my sock next year if I'm to listen to a "Mitt", "Obahma", or "Huckabee". This sounds like a race that Dr. Seuss came up with for crying out loud!
Remember the true meaning of Christmas, and remember the troops!
