Stay away from the Kool-Aid at the wedding, and O.J.? Should have had a V-8!

• It's over and done! The "TopKat" wedding has taken place in Italy with no problems. Katie Holmes (or is it Cruise now?) wore a lovely white wedding dress while Top Cat wore his trademark brown vest and hat. Like Oprah, Top Cat's pals Pixie and Dixie were given the brush off. One person that was able to make it was Kirstie Alley who brought longtime friend, Triumph the Insult Comic Dog. No Jenny Craig on the menu at this affair...it's pasta, pasta, pasta, and lot's of garlic bread. There's just too many darn jokes to make about the whole thing and quite frankly, I can't top the stuff heard at the beginning of late night talk shows anyway. All I will say is "Remember Jonestown?" 1970's cult leader Jim Jones had a clever way of manipulating people in his flock. By continuously brainwashing the men, women, and children that he was Jesus, he convinced everyone at his service to enjoy a cold glass of Kool-Aid in the hot California sun. Within a few moments everyone was pushing up daisies, including him. Nothing wrong with the Kool-Aid itself, but the fact that he put cyanide into the batch made all the difference. With all the celebs out there for the event and most of them not being Scientologists, some might not be coming back. Let's put it this way: Those annoying Jahovah's Witnesses that pound on your door every weekend at 8:00 in the morning, move to the next house within five minutes of your closing the blinds and curtains. Anyway, July sounds like a good month for the TomKat split. You heard it here first.
• Everyone loves O.J. except for Geraldo who's hopping mad that the TV Network he works for is going to allow O.J. Simpson to go on FOX TV to talk about and demonstrate ways he would have killed his wife over ten years ago . Not an admission of guilt by any means, Simpson just wants to set the record straight that the murders were done without too much planning. This is great. Not only is he a free man, but now he's going to show us how to kill someone the "right" way! Geraldo's ranting on his syndicated tv show which is produced by FOX may cost him his job. Well, for once I can say I agree with Mr. Geraldo. Giving a killer like O.J. and hour's worth of television time is nuts, Then again, in the mid 1980's Geraldo was doing cartwheels down his office hallway when he managed to snag an interview with Charles Manson. Well, O.J. speaking on television may result in yet another trial for O.J. He's killed his wife and her boyfriend, killed his Attorney Johnny Cockring recently after the overworked rundown man died of a heart attack, and now he's got Geraldo's blood pressure through the roof. By the time this is over, Geraldo may either be off the TV, or six feet under. Will someone give Geraldo round the clock support and wire him up to an EKG machine? Maybe some Prozac wouldn't hurt either. One way or another, it'll be over soon...for someone.