WARNING! Today's post deals with "Bathroom Humor". Some readers may find the following story entertaining or disgusting. This is for mature readers only! Besides, young kids shouldn't be reading this crap anyway. Put them to bed!I remember it as clear as day. Almost as if it happened yesterday. Wait a minute! It DID happen yesterday. It was an event so scary that I didn't fall asleep until Conan O' Brien came on the television at 11:35 PM! My friends, it was hard to imagine... A few hours earlier I had stumbled onto something that I didn't expect! It was my realization that the big bathroom in the house was haunted! Now, don't get me wrong...I often hear stories like this late at night in the woods with the Girl Scouts...(oops!) I mean, "The Fellas".
"Even Febreeze wasn't even able to save the day!"
I knew from the moment I awoke yesterday morning that I was feeling in "tip top" shape. A day like this doesn't come around too often. You see, I like things "hot". I'll put red pepper flakes on anything I eat. I stop when it comes to cereal in the morning. I've got a history where spicing things up results in at least one day of Hell. Stomach cramps are not unusual and are usually quickly fixed due to the wide selection of over the counter antacids. I knew things may get bad, so I got myself ready with a new Pepto Bismol within easy reach. Lunch rolled around and I was really getting in over my head. I made a salad and cut up some hot peppers, mushrooms, carrots, onions and celery. The final steps were to sprinkle a generous amount of red pepper flakes and top the whole thing off with a nice couple of tablespoons of my favorite Jalapeno/Ranch dressing. By the way, whoever suggested crackers or anything dairy after giving your mouth the 3rd degree is wrong. Believe you me, water just makes things worse! I ate and cleaned up the dirty dishes and then, you guessed it, not even a half an hour later my stomach was a mess! I grabbed a couple newspapers, a Rolling Stone magazine, and a radio. This was the setup for what may have been a long stay. Finally, after 10 seconds or so, all hell broke loose and that was it. I used a bath towel to wipe away the sweat. It was Intense and stinky. Even Febreeze wasn't even able to save the day! When I pulled up my britches and turned around to see the "fruits" of my labor, there was nothing in the toilet! Empty! I looked in the mirror and asked myself over and over again, "Where did it go?!" No markings. No nothing. All evidence is gone, or is it? Now, this wasn't the first time I've dealt with the supernatural. It has happened before. All I want to know is who took it and why! Was it a ghost or is this somehow connected to "Area 51" in the Arizona desert? Perhaps aliens from another dimension are using the DNA to make a new society of smelly people??!! Thinking it was all a bad dream, I traced my steps this morning and no luck. The toilet was still empty and the poop was gone without a trace. Now, I'm sure this has happened to all of you HOWEVER, where does it go? I'm too scared to imagine I may bump into this evil one day!
