"A big one with the works but, hold the anchovies!"

• LIFE IS LIKE A BIG, GREASY PIZZA...GOOD FOR A WHILE HOWEVER, LEAVING YOU WITH A BAD TASTE IN YOUR MOUTH.
• I was lucky enough to catch last night's big speech from our President. I don't really have an opinion one way or another on sending more troops to Iraq but, it's times like these that you have to wonder about all the people in their late teens and early 20's who at one time couldn't find Iraq on the map and are now over there. Surely, we must all know at least one person who begged their parents for financial help in going to college, only to be told that there are no "freebies" in life. "The best way to get the money you need" they say, "Is to join the service. Do your time for our Country and they'll put you through school when your time is done." Sounds good in theory BUT, too bad that with last nights speech, some of these young men and women are now on standby with quite a few gearing up for another stay in Iraq for a 3RD TIME! You college kids remember that when you're headed out for nickel beer night.
• Speaking of bars...there's a new company out there with what may be the best new product since "Red Bull". It's a new beverage that the company is rolling out slowly mainly near college towns. It's known as "AHR" which stands for After Hours Hangover Relief. The new drink which resembles a bottle of Aquafina is said to filled with electrolytes, no sugar, and comes in a variety of fruity flavors. The Peoria based company promises that booze hounds young and old can whoop it up all night long, have some of this water before bedtime, and wake up fresh and ready to go to school or work. That was kind of the idea with "Red Bull" too until some college kids developed some different combinations using various types of liquor. I contacted this company through their website with my inquiries.... Guess what? No response. Don't look for this "magic water" at your local grocery or pharmacy, it's only available at the neighborhood liquor store. AND LET THE PARTYING BEGIN! If you find this stuff, stock up. It will only be available as long as there aren't any deaths from DUI's pinned on this.
• Rosie vs. Donald vs. Barbara...So far, the battle of nitwits has put Rosie in the lead now that Barbara has publicly sided with Fat Rosie. Today, it was rumored that everyone is working hard behind the scenes to smooth things over because of this "major distraction". I say, let's open things up on an even larger scale and bring more people into this lame argument. How about Ellen? She's a lesbian too and could really give "The Donald" an ass lickin! Springer would be good as well. He's got years of experience with freaks and also may side with Rosie.
• Other major feuds just getting started: Madonna vs. Angelina Jolie, and John Cusack vs. Jeremy Piven.
• Oprah is still getting crap for visiting Africa and building a school for the kids to get a good education. She plans on giving these girls college tuition when they leave their high school so they can attend a nice, big University here in the United States. That may be a really generous thing for Oprah to do but, the argument is over Oprah ignoring the crappy schools in Chicago where there's all types of kids that need help with their education. Oprah says that it's ironic that people are chastising her for going to Africa and helping minorities when blacks happen to be the majority of the Earth's population. Is that right? Who said so and why didn't they tell me? What a bunch of milarkey!
• Finally, a video surfaced the other day which you can see on YouTube.com. Paris Hilton and all of her silly personalities all came together for a night of zaniness on the streets of L.A. It seems as though some bright eyed paparazzi spotted Paris in her new $200,000 sports car. While driving around with cameras in tow, Paris ran out of gas. A photog rushed to her aid and Paris couldn't quite tell the guy who said he'd get some gas, what kind of gas the car took. She didn't even know where the gas tank was...under the hood, the right side, the left side, on top, or in the back. They finally found it and the poor bastard gave her two gallons of gas which Paris paid for. After all the effort and the guy's hospitality, Paris (who never exited the car at all) stuck her arm out the window to get the change from the $20 bucks she let the guy use. If that happened to me, I'd top off the gas tank with some sugar or pee. This is why the rich get richer and I write this blog!