"And the winner is...Dr. Pepper??"

Call me crazy or maybe, Dick Clark needs to go back to the "School of Rock" to get up to speed on what's going on in the music world.. Sure, there once was a time when The Rolling Stones, The Jackson 5, Marvin Gaye and The Beatles all joined together in the "Top 40" music charts and got along in perfect harmony however, in 2008 it seems Mr. Clark is unaware of music genres... a very good reason to seriously take a look at Clark's alternative version of The Grammys otherwise known as the American Music Awards. Last night's show on ABC was a mismatch of the talented and talentless. I made it through 30 minutes before moving on to football although, I made sure to periodically check in to see what was going on. Here's some random blurbs compiled in a brief way in case you happened to miss the show.

• The Jimmy Kimmel approach - When Jimmy Kimmel was given an hour for his own talk show more than six years ago, he didn't know what he was getting himself into. The guy is funny however gets no respect from ABC/Disney. Whenever somthing isn't working quite right, the network brings in Kimmel to rescue the evening. The guy must either have a heart of gold, or a head filled with stupidity. While he's bailed out the network on several occasions like the AMA's, a looming threat of replacing his show with Jay Leno in 2009 is constantly hanging over his head. This guy doesn't deserve to be treated like this. Sunday night's show was a disaster and critics were quick to point out that Kimmel was the host. So what? The man behind the curtain who called all the shots was none other than Dick Clark. I knew I was in trouble as soon as I heard the contenders in the category of "Male Rock Artist of the Year" which included Kid Rock, Kanye West, Chris Brown and Jay Z. Putting Kid Rock aside, since when are these other guys considered "Rock N' Rollers"? What about AC/DC and Metallica among others? With that kind of logic happening, I'm shocked that those two weren't put in the category of Country.
• Stone Temple Pilots...are they still a group or not? When singer Scott Weiland left rehab for the 25th time last year, he left "clean and sober" and wiped the slate clean however, when all was said and done, he managed to get himself kicked out of the 1990's award winning group STP because of his drug habits. A few years later, Weiland joined forces with former Guns N' Roses axeman, Slash for a group called, "Velvet Revolver". After two CD's, Slash and the group kicked him out too. At the beginning of this year, Weiland made peace with STP and rejoined them for a limited concert tour that happened to swing through Chicago. They were doing new material and rumoured to be working on a new album. So, what happened? I guess all bets are off with the guy because he just released a solo CD and was invited to introduce pop0star, Pink. Weiland, who was clearly out of it came to the podium to add a bit of humor by inviting viewers to watch Pink perform her song, "Sober". Weiland will appear on Kimmel's late night show this week. PLEASE, don't try and tell me that his intro was somehow part of a script. This guy has serious troubles and should perhaps start making friends with Dr. Drew Pinsky.
• Be on your best behavior at all times...Jesus is your number one critic and he's watching! Give him the props he deserves! Thinking about it now, maybe I should print this post out and send it to Jesus. He was the Executive Producer of the AMA's and deserves both the credit and complaints. Every winner of the evening that I happened to see thanked Jesus for everything that took place. It's hard to imagine however I guess possible, that Jesus put all of his prayers and requests aside for three hours to give Dick Clark a helping hand. "...And on the 7th Day, He rested" and I hope that was the case. Perhaps someone was walking through the theatre pretending to be Jesus however, I doubt the "real" Jesus had time to book the talent. While everyone was in a rush to thank Him for their award, the sorry excuses for stage performances and the crazy backsatge antics of drinking and drugging and 16 year old girls like Miley Cyrus running around with in a tight dress with her boobs falling out went on without a hitch. Hey, don't thank Jesus. If anything, don't mention him. He's ashamed of you and quite frankly, I think he had other priorities that evening other than a lame award show!
• The free bottle of Dr. Pepper factor - The former pharmacist and defector from the Coca-Cola company who came up with the formula for a new soft drink was clearly the BIG winner on Sunday. With the release of their 17 year old project coming to an end, Guns N' Roses and Dr. Pepper promised to deliver on their guarantee every American will get a free 20 oz. bottle of pop by printing a special coupon off of their website. Not a good idea. Their website crashed for the whole day due to high demand and if you were lucky enough to get through, you were given an 800 number to call. Problem is, dialing that number would result in an "All circuits are busy" recording. Feeling the heat, Dr. Pepper extended the offer to a 48 hour time limit however, that still wasn't long enough. Many folks (including myself) couldn't get through and there may be a few reasons why...1) They didn't do the math otherwise, they would have known that 48 hours wasn't enough time to register every person in America. 2) The economy is so bad that people like me would spend 48 hours hitting "redial" on the phone in order to get a 20 oz. bottle of pop, and 3) If they ever make an announcement like that again, it won't be for at least ANOTHER 17 years.

The bottom line? Even though I never got my free soda, at least it distracted me long enough to turn off a stupid AMA award show and a so-so football game. I suppose I did win something in the end.