"Blago on tour", "Smoke your breakfast", and "Denny's strikes out"

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  "Dora the Explorer" called and wants her hair back! Now that Rod Blagojevich has gone from Illinois Governor to "Citizen Blago", he hasn't slept a wink due to his comedy act that has recently hit the road. It's an act so pathetic that it actually makes you believe that Dane Cook is funnier than the late, George Carlin. I'd even go so far as to say that I long for the possibility of a Billy Crystal, Robin Williams, and Whoopi reunion! I haven't forgotten about his resume however, a security glitch on "Monster.com" has hindered my access. Be it as it may, Blago has gone from taking his quick witted "out of context" remarks from the studios of Nightline and Geraldo to the late night "yuck yuck" fests of talk shows. Politics to comedy can be a smooth transition if you do it correctly like say, "The Daily Show" however, this isn't Jon Stewart. Regardless of the fact that within a matter of a few weeks he's taken the joy out of Obama's Illinois pride and tainted it yet again, I still see a guest spot on "SNL" for him in person, before May with "Chingy" as the musical guest. In the meantime, he's a good person to take along to a ballgame or concert as a ticket scalper. He can turn a profit on your $50 seats...to be continued....


• Try not to "be like Mike". Pee in the pool! There's still a lot of fuss over Michael Phelps photo fiasco with the dope. It seems this is a topic that gets everyone all riled up and taking sides. It's not like this guy was snapped by TMZ shooting up heroin or something but, at the same time I find his defense as this being a "one time thing" a little humorous as well. The fact is, the guy won 7 medals and that's nothing to sneeze at. So I say, apologize and let it rest. Sounds simple but, Phelps feels the need to, pardon the pun, re-hash the event and dig the hole deeper and deeper. The smart thing to do would be to keep quiet. This only spotlights some errors in his judgement that may or may not have been the result of some "good pot". First of all, in an age where cellphone cameras are everywhere, think about your actions a little bit. Don't smoke a bong six feet long... consider using rolling paper. Don't ever say you did it once and didn't like it because a picture is worth a thousand words. Also, don't offer to speak to school kids at big events because of this as a way to show you're on the right track. Such a thing makes you look more guilty and unhuman. Considering all the endorsement deals, contracts and aspirations to compete in future Olympic events, the next time this were to happen, drink lots of water and flush it out of your system before you get caught. He'ss got the perfect setting here with being able to constantly pee in the pool without drawing more attention to his frequent bathroom visits. Everyone has done it at one time or another because of not wanting to get chilled when exiting the water. Why do you suppose Las Vegas casonos have bars in the swimming pool? The guys sitting there all day drinking beer without getting up once is the only proof you need. The only irony here is that his story is making a mountain out of a mole hill when the same thing happens time and again, day after day, in every other sport and nobody blinks an eye. A sad commentary on society.


• "Does anyone remember breakfast at Denny's?" The restaurant chain Denny's had one of the most successful commercials during Super Bowl Sunday. If you were lucky enough to catch it, their commercial touted a free breakfast for everyone the Tuesday after the game. I guess they thought that either most people wouldn't remember it by Tuesday or everyone would be at work at that time and not take advantage. With the economy in as bad shape as it is, it ended up being that there's either a lot of unemployed folks that are hungry, or everyone called in sick. Denny's has kicked out some pretty good eats over the years, or so they say. Sure, I've been there however, never in the daylight and never sober. I haven't been in one for years anyway because I really don't know what I'd expect going in late morning or early afternoon. It's either disgusting food or deserves "5 stars". I hate to find out. Typically, Denny's does it's best business from two types of folks...these are either hungry people motoring cross country on vacation, or the drunks that come in clusters after midnight. Denny's knows this because they started the idea of putting pictures next to everything on the menu. You're either too tired to read or too drunk. You can simply point out what you want to the waitress without saying a peep. There's nothing like a big breakfast filled with Bisquick, cholesterol, and pork fat topped off with bad coffee to put some spring back into your step! Anyway, the old HBO show called "Taxi Cab Confessions" gave me an idea for a spinoff called "Denny's Dining Booth". Let's face it, have you ever tuned in to the things going on around there? Just like in the taxi, people sit and start dishing up the dirt while being taped on hidden camera. You'll see them all come out of the woodwork here in the form of gays, transvestites, prostitutes, winos and weirdos. They can try their hand at creative advertising gimmicks and using a couple of "Wise Guys", cowboys, or Burt Reynolds as a pitchman but truth be told, a hidden camera works better. They bit off a little more than they could chew with the free breakfast spot that resulted in lines outside two blocks long so this show idea is perfect to help balance their books. Afterall, Denny's isn't just for breakfast anymore... it's the "Craig's List"version of IHOP and that's truth in advertising with a wink and a smile!