"Jibber Jabber"

• "Warning! Please leave the area now before the police arrive". As heard and seen on TV over the weekend. You know it's close to Christmas when all the cheezy commercials start rolling out like "Chia Pet" and "The Clapper". It seems that every year these products get a little tweaking to adjust to the times. Such is the case with "Life Alert", the nifty little device that looks like a remote for a keyless door entry for the car. We all remember the poor old lady in the commercials for this product falling near the toilet and screaminng, "I've fallen and can't get up"! a classic. This may have been fine the way it was however, in 2008 the manufacturer has added a bonus. In addition to the "panic button" on a necklace, they give you a smoke detector and burgler alarm that yells out "I smell smoke and I will call the Fire Department" and for intruders passing the motion detector, a relaxed sounding "grandpa' like voice warns, "Warning! Please leave the area now before the police arrive!" What a nice idea this is. It has a nice friendly way of warning a burgler that it may be a good idea to drop the VCR and leave. This gives the guy enough time to shake your hand in thanks for avoiding going to jail, admit that you caught him, and walk out the door before you have to deal with the hassle of pressing charges and picking the guy out in a lineup. As for the old lady who falls, she now says, "I've fallen and I don't think I can get up" That's good too. That means that while you wait for an ambulance to arrive, you should have a good half an hour to attempt to get yourself afterall, if you're deciding to get up, you probably can. Just that you're a little lazy?!
• 
  Hungry? You are now, just because the King said so! While listening to the radio one morning last week, I heard a few people talking about neat websites. If you like Fox's Family Guy, Burger King has an alternate website where the creators of the cartoon have teamed up to allow you the chance to view a short cartoon clip and insert your own dialogue into the scene, You can save it and submit for a contest. Later that day I thought I'd check it out myself. In short, it's a pretty neat thing, a little complicated, and best done with a few friends. I tried it and gave up after a while. It wasn't working too well by myself. I thought that was enough for the time being however, in the few minutes I was on, the light on my hard drive began working overtime and that's never a good thing as I discovered the next morning. Thanks to my visit to the BK site, every time I boot my computer I'm now greeted with an audio commercial that depending on what time of day, tells me what I need to eat off their menu. BK has smartened up and now prohibits e-mailing them with complaints. You now must call a long distance number that isn't even toll-free! I finally found the culprit in my registry and fixed it myself. I don't care that the King insisted I come in to eat. He's creepy and looks like a pedaphile. Ironically, he targeted to wrong guy because I haven't eaten at the place in a decade and won't start now. Careful of this bug!
• 
  No Thanks to Oprah, "Favorite Things" isn't just the title of an annoying holiday song, it's the topic for a whole hour of "Oprah". Because I always take Oprah's ideas and suggestions to heart, I'm looking for this year's "Favorite Thing" at Best Buy and Circuit City. Oprah put her "seal of approval" on Google's new Blackberry type device that came out a few weeks ago. Now, Oprah has never tried this as all her appointments and phone calls are made and taken by her loyal servants however, thanks to an overturned semi on the Eisenhower Expressway and a trailer full of damaged goods, Oprah and Co. were able to get an early start on her annual Christmas list of gift ideas. Who is her target audience again? One day she has a family of ten who share an apartment and buy banged up cans of cat food for 29 cents at Aldi, and the next day she invites everyone to go out and plunk down the few hundred bucks or so for this item. Oh yes, let us not forget that as audience members, all we need to do is look under our seats as everyone in the house gets a freebie! For as long as I can remember or, the number of years Oprah has had her own show, I've got two favorites which are always tied for first on my list: Duct Tape and a universal remote. Both of these can be used to mute the audio coming out of her mouth. I guess that family of ten chose the wrong day to appear eh?