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- A nice almost two week vacation had to be cut a little bit short. Here's what's been going on while I've been gone. Call it food for thought or simply call it bitchin'. A brief summary of current events begins with Lionel Richie's adopted daughter getting that nasty DUI and having her photo posted for all to see on The Smoking Gun's website. Hey, I'm sure you saw it on CNN, the local news, and Jay Leno or Letterman. Just like former gal pal Paris Hilton, Nicole has a driving record similar to Paris'. This only goes to show you, you can dye your hait black BUT you're still a dizzy blonde underneath! Booze, Oxycontin and marijuana are a good combination for driving the wrong way on a highway. If there's another season of The Simple Life on E!, Paris and Nicole both should be sent to a women's prison. Poor Lionel...new record out and Oprah couldn't even give it CPR. That's your girl Buddy-Boy.
- First Michael Richards and now Rosie. I make no bones about it...I hate Rosie and I'm not fond of The View either but, in both cases I ask, "What in the heck tarnation is this world coming to?" A month after an "outburst", TV's former Kramer is STILL apologizing for his remarks at a comedy club. At least he found two new buddies to "chill" with. I'd be mad at myself for that slip of the lip. He now has Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton on his back like two blood thirsty mosquito's on a hot August night. As for Rosie, fortune cookie say, "No make fun a Chinese people...if not for China, there would be no TV sets and no one to be able to watch The View" . With crap like this, no wonder everything is going to hell in a handbasket!
- Britney Spears and Rapper/Rassler K-Fed. At this point, nobody is certain who was the first one out to pack their suitcase BUT, the first things to cash in their chips were Britney's panties. White Trash is still around. She's the proof. Hey, you go out in public with no underwear, at least groom yourself or do a little prep for the evening. The underwear will most likely debut on eBay before year's end.
- Evel Knievel has had just about every bone in his body broken while doing his crazy stunts in the 1970's. He had a lot of neat toys out too! It came to an end with his failed attempt at jumping over Snake River in the Grand Canyon. Now, the old timer is facing one last challenge before riding that stunt cycle in the sky: Kanye West. Kanye not only used a variation of Knievel's name in a 2005 music video, he also lampoons the old man's last attempt to get in the record books with Snake River. Knievel is mad as hell and dammit, he's earned that right and I don't blame him one bit. With all he's done in his life, who would want to go to the grave attached to Kanye West's name?
- Taco Bell. Oh yeah! Just like Denny's and White Castle, Taco Bell's best customers are those folks who stagger into the store before closing time looking for a quick snack. As if it wasn't bad enough already, Taco Bell wants to make damn sure that if the booze don't get you sick, a stuffed enchillada loaded with green onions will. Take your pick...do you want the "Hershey Squirts" or a couple of days worth of vomiting? That little dog that used to be in their commercials? Spontaneous cumbustion. His sudden death has been pinned to a grilled stuffed burrito WITH GREEN ONIONS! Here's a message for their employees: If you make a doodie, please wash your hands with soap and warm water before you handle my dinner, ya jerks!
- World's oldest woman dies at 116. She taught History most of her life. Her first recollection of teaching was with a young George Washington who she boasted, "passed the class with flying colors" due to the fact that at the time, history books were only a two page pamphlet. African Americans should thank this lady. Hours before The Emancipation Proclomation was written, lovely Estelle pleasured Abraham Lincoln and according to her, knew a hell of a lot more tricks than that pollyanna Mary Todd. Though she couldn't come up with exact facts and figures, it's her estimate that her offspring if standing side by side, would stretch to Saturn and back. Ironically, Nicole Richie's race may forever be a mystery as she was related in some way to this lady...go figure.
Thanks for all the laughs. You'll be missed!
