"Hey Bob, how do I fix this mess?" And the headlines should have read, "Bob Barker turns Chicago upside down"! The former Price is Right host came to Chicago yesterday to give his two cents worth on the one big problem on Earth that worries all of us: The exploding pet population. Well, I guess Chicago is as good a place as any to kick off a travelling awareness program. Mr. Barker says that Chicago is one of the worst places for unwanted pets. Ahh yes, it must be nice to be retired with nothing to do but worry about petty stuff like this. Now, maybe if Bob came to Chicago to talk about gangbanger shootings, crime, and drugs, someone would actually pay attention! Obviously, Mr. Barker has made the pets thing a number one priority, so maybe we should just sweep all the other crap under the rug??!! If Bob Barker is tired of retirement already with an "itch" to get back to work like Brett Favre, maybe he should rescue Drew Carey from that train that's headed on a collicion course with extinction. When Bob called it quits, so did 99% of the audience. Maybe Bob thinks that digging deeper into his philosophy of preventing the birth of unwanted animmmals is a good thing by coming here to yell at Mayor Daley but, we already have enough to worry about! Besides, I'd like to help out however, I'm not sure if my pets "Izzy" and "Floppy" need to be spayed or neutered.
This could be the "Big One" Elizabeth! California residents were a bit rattled yesterday by the rattling under their feet as one of those common earthquakes shook things up. This time was no different than any other, except for the fact that this time around, the media has managed to turn this natural event into the coming of "The Apocolypse". You don't really need a needle zig-zagging on a giant roll of paper to realize that California is already on borrowed time however, yesterday's quake came with the same "aftershocks" that accompanied Orson Welles' War Of The Worlds radio broadcast. Sure, people are on edge already as it is but, yesterday's quake drove people to contemplate jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge miles away from the quake's actual epicenter. In Los Angeles where it was felt the most, most people went about their business unmoved while others thought for sure that they were experiencing a Hollywood sequel to 9/11. Within the heart of Hollywood itself, several productions were halted until the "all clear" was given. One "Super Trooper" named, Judge Judy Scheindlin was temporarily sidelined under her desk for a half an hour while her studio audience ran for the hills. When the quake ended, Judy didn't miss a beat... she was back pounding her gavel and awarding the case to the plaintiff who got run over by the stray shopping cart with the wobbly wheel at Cosco. All Judy said was, "A quake ain't gonna stop me!" however, thanks to a lone camera left running, we later saw on YouTube that Judy actually does have emotions like a real human as she stared into the eyes of death for just a minute. When "The Big One" really comes to California, the state will split drom the rest of the West Coast and float as an island for the next three million years until it finally circles the globe and re-connects to the East Coast somewhere around New Jersey.
Satellite radio merges to create "Sirius" pay to listen crap! They knew this would happen all along however, they never thought it would take so darn long to finally merge two competing satellite radio networks into one giant conglomerate. XM and Sirius are now two names brought together although no one seems to be sure if the "XM" will be at the front or at the back. I do know this...radio was meant to be free. Nothing on the dial gets me so wound up to make me willing to pay $29.99 a month. Not Oprah, Martha Stewart, Howard Stern, or Bob Dylan spinning his favorites from his own personal record collection is worth the price. And yes, there's a lot of that kind of nonsense out there. Satellite radio is a platform where any dimwit can speak his or her mind for four hours a day or more. Anyone can get their own show. Bruce Springsteen's roadie gets for hours a day to play his favorite Springsteen songs and Richard Simmons gets four hours to talk about fat kids. There used to be a name for people like this when it came to television. They were the Steve Lawrence's and Bill Cosby's that used to "fill in" for the vacationing Johnny Carson for a night. Does anyone really care to listen to what former Styxx lead singer, Dennis DeYoung's favorite show tunes are? There's already enough crap to choose from on the radio...and it's free. Remember HDTV? Here we are 30 years later and we're finally going to get it, NEXT FEBRUARY.
