"It's all in the name..."

Christie Brinkley is off the hook today, but two million dollars lighter and 18 houses richer. This sounds like a typical game of Monopoly but, such is not the case. No matter who deserves the blame, Christie has proven for the 4th time that "good times" only happen in movies and fate often takes a turn off course. It seemed all of Christies relationship problems were over when she married "Piano Man" Billy Joel however, that was marriage number two and it went up in smoke as quick as it started. Christie's third marriage was the result of a rebound from the failed relationship with Billy Joel. Her lifetime "Soul Mate" turned out to have a shelf life of less than a year. The most recent marriage ended in court today after a few weeks of bickering back and forth. In the end, Christie's husband of ten years was caught with an 18 year old babysitter. While the blame continues to get bounced around with finger pointing, the couples two kids are caught in the middle of it all and nobody cares. This guy had a lot of skeletons in his closet during the time they were married and a lot of them didn't make a difference to her, or slipped through the cracks. In court, Christie said she couldn't believe that everything had to end this way adrwe she supposedly knew someone inside and out for a decade. While dodging reporters on her way out of court today, Christie said she's through with men and will now concentrate on her kids, whom she won custody of. This guy was no good for her and the result is yet another notch in her bedpost and another name associated with the letter "X". Let me tell you guys, at the end of this month, a similar situation is going to happen however, this time it's all to real and close to home.

A dear friend telephoned me to discuss his current state of affairs Now, I'll refer to them as "Jack and Jill" for their privacy. These two were married for eight years and had their share of ups and downs like anyone might experience. Oh, this wasn't that big of a thing... this bickering happened quite a bit and always ended up swept under the rug by day's end. Going into the marriage, Jack had a full plate od problems that would gradually go away with Jill's help. I guess if you were on the outside looking in, everything seemed "normal". Time went on and in recent years, my pal's health declined a bit and with that, his self esteem dropped, his physical abilities diminished and was forced to stay home while his wife worked. Now, I remember him often telling me that her parents didn't like him, but only tolerated him because they had to. The result was mostly bad holidays and birthdays. He decided it wasn't worth the hassle to keep answering to everybody so he just stayed home. Jack didn't want to stay out of the way but couldn't take anymore from that side of the family who did a lot of backstabbing and taunting along the way. This guy had a near death experience and spent time in the hospital. Nobody came to visit and nobody took it seriously from her family. Matter of fact, they wished he'd die right there. He pulled out of it after awhile. Within a few days of being home, the family suggested the whole thing was a farce and he was lazy, a freeloader, and looking for sympathy even though Doctors said otherwise. Although she didn't say it, Jack suspected Jill of thinking the same thing. Even though employment had been moved to the backburner, Jack was constantly questioned about his "being lazy". I spoke to him a few months ago and Jack was going through the same thing all over again! While in the hospital, instead of helping Jack get better, Jill shocked the hell out of him and demanded a divorce right there.. When he asked her why, she said she couldn't take all the sickness anymore and walked away with their young daughter. Ironically, Jill works in healthcare and just gave up all hope with the guy. So quick was she to get rid of all the mess, that she began moving his stuff out before he was even discharged! Meanwhile, God only knows what kinf of things are being put into the daughter's head about her dad! In another strange twist, Jack told me that despite all of this, he still loves Jill and even this late in the game would like both he and Jill to get help. Jill isn't even willing to consider her decision twice. It's not worth it to her. Eight years and a child later he woke up and got kicked out. Now, she's a little bit funny this way you see. Something happened overnight that made her realize she never did love the guy in the first place. What really broke my friend's heart was the fact that all these memories that they had are being deleted like a pc's hard drive. Photos and other reminders of the marriage have been thrown in the garbage by her. The wedding photo was taken down and all he got was the picture frame (which was broken) kind of symbollic of the whole situation. All of this was gone with one keystroke, and now he's in worse shape than ever while she moved on almost immediately. He never abused her physically or verbally, never cheated on her...nothing! Sadly she doesn't want to talk about any of this. It's over and done and he's dead and buried to her and her family and thank all that is holy that Jack is finally gone. At the end of the month, Jack told me he won't be going to court and I don't blame him. Unless the cops come and zap him with a tazer, he's not going. She still goes around using his name though. I told him to be like Billy Joel and get a trafemark on his whole name from the Library of Congress. After all, if the wounds run so deep, she should be ashamed to walk around using his last name. I say, you should always love your family however, if you get married and still love your family more than your husband, take back the name they gave you...If it was good your whole life, it can be used again. I told him if there's any wiggle room left that it should be able to get worked out in therapy and if it's done, time to end it all with a big EXCLAIMATION POINT because the whole thing was obviously a big sham in the first pkace.

"Are we there yet???"

Time to pack the suitcase, fill the tank with gas, and head out the door...to beautiful WISCONSIN! Wisconsin is akind of a neat place to visit. Not only is it an area of the United States where time, logic, science, and everyday logic combine in a twisted mess of uncertainty. Even "The Twilight Zone" as mysterious as it was, left us with a moral or a lesson learned. This is not the case with Wisconsin. Why anyone would want to vacation there is another mystery however, let's make the first stop of our trip at historic Lambeau Field. Now, most folks head to the stadium to see an NFL game...Oh, they do that in Greenbay however, Lambeau itself is a vacation destination. Just like Epcot Center, you can stay a week and literally see the whole world within walking distance. Just like Epcot, even a weeklong visit isn't enough time to soak it all in. I booked a trip to Lambeau and covered all the bases with one phone call! I got a hotel room inside the stadium with a view of the 50 yard line, and was able to dine at a few "5 star" eateries, do plenty of shopping, and hit the clubs in the stadium at night. No car necessary, and no football game necessary either. I didn't get to see Brett Favre (who remains "retired" as of this writing) in person but, I caught him on ESPN like clockwork each night as he changed his mind over and over about staying retired or coming back "for one more season". If Favre was occupying the only bathroom where I live, I'd pound on the door and yell for him to, "Poop, or get off the pot!" His mind changes more often than the National Debt!

The Wisconsin Dells... Remember the 1970's? If you had a big family and you loved vacations, chances are you would end up here. It seemed that every station wagon in Illinois had a bright orange bumper sticker on the back that advertised "Tommy Bartlett's Water Show". This has always been a destination for folks who want to fool their family as well as themselves, that they are actually going on a "real" vacation. True. "The Dells" was always a nice place to pass through but, in 2008 it is now a shadow of it's former self. Heavy rains, flooding, and mudslides have drained Tommy Bartlett's lake which was home to the famous water-ski show, to a puddle of mud. Take a ride on "The Duck" if you can imagine a vehicle out of the 25th Century that is like a bus except for the fact that it can drive on land as well as in water! You can "ooh" and "ahh" at million dollar lakefront homes that have slid into the mud, and guess where the homeowners are sleeping now. All the tourist attractions remain open but a little "watered down". Old favorites on the boardwalk still reel customers in. These are your wax museums, "Ripley's Believe it or not" museum, and "The Guiness Book of World Records" museum where Sandy Allen, the world's tallest living woman sometimes visits to pose for pictures. It's good, sloppy fun!

The Smorgasboards! The search for good eating always ends at one of these places. They can be seen from miles away because Paul Bunyan and "Babe" the blue Ox stand guard outside the restaurant. Breakfast will find you sitting at a long picnic table with people you don't know while enjoying all-you-can-eat flapjacks and sausages served on a tin plate. You can be as messy as you want and eat as much as you want, and don't forget to wipe your face with the big red checkered napkin before you visit the gift shop full of odds and ends that you'll buy and never find any use for or need to display above the fireplace mantle. Come back for dinner and do it all over with a different item every night. Depending on the day of the week, you can choose speghetti, chicken, ribs, prime rib, or fish. Just like the movies, if you eat it all up (including the bones, fat, and grizzle) they'll waive the $19 a plate off your bill and take a Polaroid for the wall

The Indian Casinos... Native Americans have enjoyed gambling for ages. Ever since they invited the white men to share dinner with them, they've been literally "rolling the dice". Friendship with new settlers resulted in land aquisitions and property takeovers which lead to the current sad state of the people who were here first. The crying Indian started crying here! The hills and valleys where deer and buffalo once roamed between a cascade of beautiful forest have been turned into a mega-complex of sin and greed where visitors can enjoy the day and lose everything they own over a game of "Texas Hold 'Em". Now, it may be true that the majority of Native Americans suffer from gambling issues, alcoholism, and other forms of addiction that would bring a tear to anyone's eye however, these guys wipe away the tears when the Wells Fargo truck pulls up to collect the days earnings to deposit at the bank. Just like Vegas, there isn't a clock to be found in the casino, and no Robert DeNiro or Joe Pesci either. I always stick to the $5 slots of "Double Diamond" so I can make a clean break in about ten minutes. Contrary to belief, there are no Schlitz, Hamms, Pabst Blue Ribbon, or Old Style found anywhere in Wisconsin except for where the stuff is made and bottled. After the trip I get back, kick off my shoes, and see Favre on ESPN where less than five minutes ago he's decided that retirement isn't a good idea. Cheers to ya!