"Rocky Mountain Hijinks!" The 2008 Democratic Convention

Welcome to The Keystone State/ Party City/ Home of the 2008 Democratic Convention and more! High up in the Rocky Mountains the air is thin and the locals are already restless. ...All this just because Borack Obama is coming to town and bringing the whole world with him! Now, who was the guy that thought Denver would be a perfect fit for a convention like this? Sure, millions of dollars are being circulated through the city limits however, most of the people who live there claim to be "Independants". In other words, they could give a rat's ass if it's Obama or McCain staying at the Howard Johnson's down the street. This convention brings a lot of unwanted attention to a place way up in the hills that just wants to be left alone! Can you blame them? Before Mr. Obama has even made an appearance before the large crowd, a storm of controversey already swirls overhead. In keeping with family tradition, a Kennedy had to speak to the masses yesterday and Sen. Ted Kennedy who was rumored to possibly not survive the excitement of the night came on stage and assured us that as ill as he may be and knocking at death's door, he's "Not ready to die just yet". Thank goodness he's planning on toughing it out as long as the late Sen. Strom Thurman did.

While Sen. Kennedy stole the spotlight for a while last night, the invisible Obama was there too, if only in spirit. While he's away working on Thursday night's speech and forging a couple last minute quotes from JFK and Martin Luther King, members of his opposition are frantically digging through pile upon piles of paperwork linking the Presidential hopeful to a 1960's radical group that tried to blow up the Pentagon. Whoever had the job of shredding these documents 40 years ago has proven they must have been asleep. While all this is going on, three people were caught in a failed attempt to kill Sen. Obama when police discovered explosives and lots of drugs connected to the trio. The government may have made an error here by not charging them with a Federal Offense. They claim that the three were just talking about what they'd like to do and the officials concluded that all three were just racist nitwits high on dope and really didn't pose a threat to anyone. Is this some new loophole in the law? If I were Obama and elected as our next President, that's the first thing I would look into. Reviewing history, most tragedies were caused by people who were "just talking" and look what happened next> Obama says he's not too worried,,, I say, you 've got to be kidding!

Some people are having a good time in Denver at someone else's expense. How else do you explain another common loophole that allows struggling corporations to throw lavish parties in honor of the Democrats when such a thing is supposed to be illegal? Here's the thing. It IS illegal to host a party intended for that purpose however, it is simply "overlooked" so long as no big dinners are served. In other words, take United Airlines and all their troubles. They too are celebrating in Denver this week where shareholders are spending money like it's going out of style yo grease the palms of all the Democratic hopefuls. And to think they have the nerve to charge you $5.00 for a bottle of Aquafina on a three hour flight!

Michelle Obama and Hillary Clinton dined together after Hillary's speech this evening. They went to one of the local bar and grill establishments to sink their teeth into all you can eat Rocky Mountain Oysters and hot wings. Both seemed to be unphased when told that these particular "oysters" don't come from the sea. There you go. As this event hits it's mid-week peak before giving it up to McCain and Company next week, this convention remains as uneventful as all the others in years past (Oh yeah, let us not forget about 1968 in Chicago). I don't think all the excitement will change the way anyone in Colorado votes in November. As a matter of fact, the majority of those polled have stated that they'll be staying home on the second Tuesday in November and I can't blame them either. Think of all the things that Colorado has given us: You can go for a joyride up in the mountains in your Mercury Mountaineer while listening to John Denver on the CD player, drive until you get to a Denny's, stop off and get a Denver omelette and an ice cold Coors, and then go out to the parking lot where you realize you have a crapload of unpaid traffic tickets and that's why the "Keystone Cops" slapped that Denver Boot over your tire! God Bless America!

"Your guide to this Fall!"

HERE is where you'll find another failed attempt to improve your television viewing habits this Fall!

When it comes to turning lemons into lemonade, consider Disney owned ABC an expert in the art. In an ambitious and aggressive marketing campaign kicked into high gear today, the concept of "less is more" is the main element to what is thrown together for your enjoyment
Reality based programming is still alive and kicking with no signs of slowing down anytime soon, and game shows are also returning to the Fall schedule. ABC is rather confident that taking ideas from foreign television and putting an "American" twist on them will be their moneymaker. I guess there aren't enoughidiots here in the U.S. to dream up these crazy ideas on their own??!!

One of ABC's most successful original programs may very well be Jimmy Kimmel Live! The network bosses have stuck behind this show from the beginning and took it from being a ratings disaster to a number one draw in it's time slot. That is, until Jay Leno confirmed his decision to leave NBC soon. All of a sudden, the steam has been knocked out of Jimmy and his future remains uncertain, all depending on the prospects of Leno coming to work at ABC. To add insult to injury, Kimmel and his long time gal pal, Sarah Silverman have recently broken up. Even on his worst nights, a phone call to Silverman would result in an impromptu guest appearance. Then there's Kimmel's "Cousin Sal" who is rumored to branch out and do his own show on another network. When bad comes to worse, Kimmel could always rely on Andy Dick to come on and stagger around aimlessly for ten minutes and then pass out. Andy is in rehab again and although chances are above average that he'll be in and out several more times before the end of the year, he's no longer a guaranteed booking. Here's hoping that everything works out for everyone in the end!

Also returning very soon is another season of Dancing With the Stars. DWTS kept the dancers of the new season under wraps until today. Thankfully, I think America is growing tired of this circus act. Added to the lineup this time around are Lance Bass, Cloris Leachman, Susan Lucci, and what may be the show's "death blow", Ted McGinley. Their choice to add him as a dancer makes the future of the show a risky gamble in Las Vegas. He's usually added to the cast of any show to finally put it out of it's misery. Has DWTS "Jumped the shark"? We'll find out soon enough.

One of my few guilty pleasures of "Prime Time TV" happens to be Supernanny because I don't think there's a family anywhere with kids that are just THAT BAD.
"Jo" The Nanny, is a miracle worker to say the least. Taking on a family of six kids all under the age of ten and a year apart is no big deal to her. They can crayola all the walls and hang from the ceiling fans and within a matter of days they're all sitting at the dinner table saying "please" and "thank you". It's AMAZING! So, now that we know that show is a major hit, what would happen if we take the same show and have a man do the dirty work? It works well in England and they hope it will work here when Supermanny is added to the schedule as a "replacement" show following the death of whatever show comes first on the Nielsen Hit List. There's a 99.9% chance you'll be seeing this British import sooner than later! HERE is where you'll supposedly find it all, or so they say. Thank God again for a thing called "Cable".

"McCain picks a Veep!"

"Using a yard stick is good measure!"

Dumping the 21 and older law: "If you can slap your Benjamin Franklin on top of the bar, pull up a stool and have a beer!" A person's age is just a number, and it's a poor way to judge a person's maturity. Think about it: How many adults do you see prancing around and acting silly as well as the other way around? Six Flags and Disney don't have an age requirement to get on the roller coasters instead, they use a cardboard cutout of a person saying, "You must be above this height to ride this attraction". It's the old fashioned measuring stick that holds the fate of every little kids possibility of having a fun day at the amusement park. That's a great idea that should be put to use for everything, like the groups at battle with lawmakers in Washington hoping to get the drinking age lowered back to 18. Now, it's true that it's taken many years and a lot of red tape to raise the age to 21 in the first place but that law never took off that well. There's always some way to "beat the system" and get what you want if you really want it. Now, I've heard teenagers on television lately and others who write letters to the newspaper thinking that because they're old enough to get married and go to Iraq at 18 that they should be able to buy a six pack at the liquor store. That's a pretty good argument, but why only lower it to 18? Do like they do in Europe and if someone can reach the top of the bar and slap down a euro, they can buy whatever they want no matter how old they are. You may say this idea is nuts however, Europe doesn't have problems like we do in the United States. It should be expected that lowering age limits on entry to different places and purchase certain things will open the floodgates for a little while. Sooner or later though, everything levels off over time and when kids no longer find it a need to get a fake I.D., the excitement and challenge will wear off and the controversey will go away. High schools already have parts of the school put aside for pregnant students and some even have nurseries... What's wrong with having one wing of the school dedicated to rehab? The bottom line is, the economy can't get back on it's two feet by itself, we have to nudge it along to get it going again. This is a solution that benefits everyone from store owners to truck drivers and finally trickles down to being extra money in your pocket. It's been said that teenagers do most of their spending on leisure activities