"Cupid's poor eyesight rekindles a Valentine's Heart On for an Ex"

When it comes to romance and being "the ideal mate", the last person you'd consider to fill the shoes would be Drew Peterson. The former cop is now best known for making people vanish without a trace. He's done such a good job that perhaps David Copperfield should get in touch with him for some pointers! As if Drew Peterson's odd behavior isn't enough to make his stories suspicious, through all the pain and agony of losing four wives by accident, Drew still has a special place in his heart for love. The random one-liners and sarcasm that Drew likes to spew out on the local news has given us a glimpse of the "bizzaro" world of romance that can't be found on the inside of any Hallmark card. If you thinks he's a little bit nuts, check out Drew's latest flame. A 23 year old emotional mess who has already been part of the media power struggle however, most recently wiped the slate clean and moved back into Drew's home. While I'm tired of seeing these two on television, when a few days pass without seeing one of these two isiots on "Good Morning America", I have to think the worst. On this Valentine's Day, I remind the couple that arguing around the clock is no foundation for a good relationship. Besides, in the end Drew will always win the argument. If this girl has any brains at all, she needs to go out to the garage and look at the 55 gallon blue drum in the corner to see if her name is painted on it...

"The future of the peanut is still in a jam"

"You put peanut butter in my petrie dish of salmonella!"..."No. You put salmonella in my peanut butter!" This can be debated until the cows come home along with the age old question of the chicken and the egg. In any event, I knew it was just a matter of time that peanuts and salmonella would get linked to Osama Bin Laden and terrorism... and there it was in a video package on CNBC earlier tonight. I guess we're still looking for this guy after all these years?! Nevermind that since 9/11 Third World Countries have gone on to enrich plutonium, create missiles to transport nuclear warheads and other creative forms of killing. Bin Laden is going back to the basics now and giving us Americans a case of "The runs" and stomach cramps! When you dig a little deeper into this story you have to wonder if "peanut terrorism" is only speculation. When I stop to think about it, Planters Peanut mascot, "Mr. Peanut" hasn't been seen in advertising since around 2001. Although his publicity photos are outdated, he's got a rather suspicious smile on his face which is strikingly similar to what he may be thinking..."I'm gonna make your kids choke to death on your next flight with Southwest Airlines!" That's how all this peanut hysteria got started in the first place. While checking in on Mr. Peanut's past, in the 1940's he was "blacklisted" for being a Communist and was shunned by Hollywood and Ad Agencies. If this anger still exists today, perhaps it's quite possible that the guy is spreading Skippy and Smuckers on whole wheat with the crust cut off (because that's how Bin Laden likes it) and poisoning all of us from a distance.

It's a shame when you consider we have GPS and a multitude of computer software to track people down and still can't find the man, or Mr. Peanut for that matter. If there's any connection between these two dummies and George Washington Carver, please keep it to yourself... I've never craved a Reese's peanut butter cup as much as now!

"Bob, Jason, and Brett: The happy trio"

• "Yes we can! -Just as soon as I finish my cup of coffee and sweet roll" In other words, whatever you do, don't ever rush a union worker! Legendary computer generated construction worker, "Bob the Builder" swung through Chicago this week to promote his stage show for the whippersnappers. As soon as Bob got off the plane at O'Hare Airport, the poor "Son of a Bitch" that was stuck wearing the hot costume began an afternoon tour of a "meet and greet" session with fellow construction workers. As the men in flannel shirts, hard hats, and black lunch pails stopped to pose for a picture with the PBS icon, it quickly became obvious that Bob is indeed a "team player" when it comes to enjoying all the perks of being a union member. Before picking up a hammer to lend a hand, the first order of business was locating the nearest Dunkin Donuts. Bob used his better judgement when being confronted by local television reporters about his Dad who by the way, was one of the original ironworkers responsible for the shoddy workmanship in constructing the World Trade Center in the late 1960's. Never trust an anvil with the words, "Acme" on the side. Bob's stageshow may be the baragin of the week for the kids, but parents may choose to stick with "The Blue Man Group" instead.
• "Deja Vu all over again and still an unlucky number - Hollywood has gotten lazy lately when it comes to making movies. If you have a lame script, a pile of cash and just another "Tom, Dick or Harry", you can do virtually anything. Let's be honest here...how many people have spent nearly the last 30 years longing for an update to the original "Friday the 13th"? I guess the one person in particular to lose sleep over this was the one and only Rob Zombie, the rocker that resembles Satan's long lost brother. Rob pulled all his fortunes together a few years back to buy the rights to almost every cheezy horror flick ever made in hopes to add a "21st Century twist" to these old "classics". Remakes of old favorites don't always work ou too well. Take Rob's creative liberty displayed in the remake of , "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" from a few years back! I hate to clump these together however, no matter if it's a cheap scary movie or a big budget masterpiece like "Star Wars", a remake only does one thing: dissapoint. Looking back on the cheap special effects and frightning scenarios of those wacky teens staying at "Camp Crystal Lake", it's obvious that the special effects and makeup were included nothing more than Karo syrup and red food coloring on someone's Kroger list. The original is so corny that it should never be duplicated. This may be the next generation of horror to follow "Psycho" however, after the 25th and 26th sequels where Jason meets Freddy Krueger and The Predator, It's time for Rob Zombie to put this tale to rest. Watch as this flick appears on Netflix just before Easter!
• "Will he or won't he?" One thing about Bret Favre is that when it comes to being undecided, he's always constant. Now, please do us all a favor and go away this time for good. Favre still resembles that bad penny that keeps turning up in your pocket despite all attempts to pass it off on some unsuspecting sucker. Everytime this guy suggests the possibility of retiring, John Madden comes along and lays on his schmooze about what a loss the sport of football would be without him. Madden's passion for Favre is as creepy as a dirty priest stalking an alter boy. We know that Favre's final stop will be in the Football Hall of Fame and yadda, yadda, yadda. The game will go on long after Favre is. Favre is turning this past season with New York into a publicity stunt and he's bitter over the fact that he couldn't push the Jets into a Super Bowl. Do we need to go through this again? Bret returns home to Wisconsin to drive the John Deere around the property a few times and due to boredom, goes on a wild goose chase for a new job? Someone tell Lovie Smith not to get any crazy ideas. The Cubs and Sox are already the final resting spots for retirees. Please Bret, we're not jackasses so, if you want to quit, let's just do it!
  

"Why Dwayne Johnson needs to keep The WWE on speed dial" Final thoughts on "2009 Grammy's"

The Rock says, "Thank god I left my phone on 'vibrate mode' considering "Walking Tall 2" hasn't been discussed yet". As soon as the lame award show began last night, I knew I was in trouble. I knew going into this event that the group, "Coldplay" was supposed to be served papers by Joe Satriani's legal team because of the alleged theft of a similar riff that Joe Satriani recorded years ago. One thing I wasn't aware of was the havoc caused by R &B singer, Chris Brown. This guy is in deep "doo-doo" for supposedly assaulting a female friend. At the last

minute, Brown's attorneys advised that he not go on

stage and draw unwanted attention to his situation. The entire backstage area was in complete

chaos an hour before the show hit the airwaves because several segments with Brown had to be scrapped. Apparently, the only logical thing to do to fill ten minutes or so, was call up former WWE Superstar, Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson to help save the

evening. I imagine he was called by his Agent considering his

proximity to the awards show. Dwayne is to music as Jerry Springer is to being a journalist. This "Candy ass" of a guy left the WWE a few years ba

ck to become an "Action Hero" in film. Unfortunately for him, his value has dropped in the Casting Department in Hollywood. All that's left are the "straight to DVD" m

ovies for Disney. Sorry "Rock", whoever suggested the idea of having you come out to throw stones and make a mockery of nominees was puzzling to me. You

should've just kissed Vince McMahon's ass in the first place...you still may have had a career!

• Robert Plant and Allison Krauss - Robert is showing a lot of "wear and tear" after all these years and looks a mess! All things considered, the CD by Plant and Krauss isn't all that bad. In fact, the rumors of the "on again, off again
  " reunion and album as Led Zeppelin probably wouldn't be as good as this.
• Jennifer Hudson - OK, her being there AND performing was kind of clever on someone's behalf. Just a week ago, Hudson was being chastized for lip-synching at The Super Bowl. All of a sudden, that was all forgotten when she took to th
  e stage last night. I'll give "Props" to Jennifer's singing. Anyone who makes it past Simon Cowell deserves some kind of kudos. Hudson was at an immediate advantage going into this due to the "Sympathy" factor of her family being killed. What else is a critic supposed to say about an emotional performance like that? They left that one alone and instead, focused on one of her outfits which did resemble the bib you get while dinin
  g at Red Lobster.
• U2 - I hate to say bad things about Bono. My "Catholic Guilt" prevents me from saying too much considering his friendship with world leaders and The Pope. I haven't heard any advance tracks off their upcoming March release yet other than the first single which they performed. I hope there's a little more substance on the remainder of the CD because the first single sounds like these guys infringed on their own Copyright by re-recording "Vertigo" with new lyrics. Perhaps a little hard to distinguish in a live performance however, q
  uite obvious if you hear it on the radio.

Ironically, A-Rod and his steroid use would overshadow the whole show dedicated to m

usic. Steroids and MLB? Get outta here... this stuff is still going on? When you get linked to Madonna like he is, you need steroids just to keep up!