"Rock You Like a Hurricane"

Plenty enough blame to go around in the wake of Hurricane Gustav! Sure, we all knew it was just a matter of time before another deadly hurricane would strike the vulnerable State of Louisiana. This time, the prep work would go according to the text books that FEMA left behind after Hurricane Katrina three years ago. The Weather Channel and others were all in agreement that Katrina would pale in comparison to this storm and was was even labeled to be the "Mother of all hurricanes". People were scared, and the majority of them heeding the warnings to leave the area. Some 12 hours after hitting land, Gustov turned out to be a dud. Perhaps New Orleans got lucky this time however, now is the time that someone will ne forced to take the blame for "overreacting" to the storm and forcing people to leave when it was unnecessary. All this comes while the aftermath of Katrina still remains today.

This time around it's safe to say that anyone that was left behind was warned in advance not to stay. Still, seven people were killed because they hated to leave their lifelong homes. There shouldn't be any conspiracy theories like the last time either. No reports of The National Guard purposely passing by stranded African Americans to rescue a white family instead. No stories of people calling 911 for help and being asked by the operator if they're "black or white", and no stories from women claiming that rescuers would help them only if the agreed to sexual favors afterwards. Still mistakes were made along the way, and I thought I'd point out a few to add to the books before the next one hits. Maybe we can all learn something...

• Geraldo Rivera- The Fox News Heavyweight's reputation got tarnished again. Imagine if you're Geraldo sitting at home trying to enjoy the holiday weekend when the network calls and tells you to go right to the airport and report on this "major" hurricane. Geraldo doesn't think twice, He packs his underwear and off he goes to "The Crescent City" only to get rained on while flagging down a person running to their car for cover in the parking lot of a Super 8 motel. Nobody ever said a multi-million dollar a year contract with Rupert Murdoch would be easy however, this blunder on Fox's behalf ended up costing a lot of money and ranks up there with "Al Capone's Vault". Obviously, nobody at Fox watches The Weather Channel or they would have let the icon stay in his lawn chair at his L.A. mansion. Geraldo got dissed, and ought to be pissed!
• The Mayor of New Orleans- He talked a tough game this week warning his residents that they were on their own this time if they decide to stay. The majority left. Instead of driving in the opposite direction however, all the traffic was routed West to Houston causing miles and miles of stranded motorists. To make things easier, Louisiana State Police reversed all the traffic flow coming into the state and made all open highways feed traffic outbound. Many people ran out of gas along the way. It's kind of hard to tell where the next exit is when you're going the wrong way on a highway and can't turn off. Makeshift gasoline stations were set up to remedy the problem but, there were several fatalities as a result of this strategy.
• The "Big Finale" that never happened. If they make this into a movie one day, perhaps O.J. Simpson will finally get to do some acting again. The whole event gets "one star" as far as I'm concerned. A few barges full of oil were said to have been bouncing loose through the choppy waters. Fox and CNN kept warning of the disaster that would result if one were to capsize and spill into the drinking water reserve. All of a sudden, without any explanation, the subject was dropped and never mentioned again. Dit it in fact happen, or was it simply some reporter at fault?
• The Republican National Convention in Miinnesota. John McCain needs to start going to church again and maybe his luck will get better. Already having trouble following Obama's big successful speech from last week, the hurricane has put a damper on the glitz and glamour and left hotels virtually empty. Delegates were a "no show" for the the first afternoon and those that were there were being grilled by the media as to what in the world they're doing there in the first plave when there's a natural disaster happening. To add insult to injury, Sarah Palin had to end rumors of her 17 year old daughter being pregnant on the same day leaving supporters skeptical about how she may be able to run things in Washington when she can't even monitor what's going on in her house?!
• Jerry Lewis' MDA Telethon- It still went on as planned although the guest list was shortened considerably. He began the 43rd edition of this yearly staple by offering words of encouragement to those in the path of the coming storm and without taking a breath, reminded those people that they can still donate the little bit of money they had left "even if it's a dollar, it'll help us" he said. Talk about bad timing. Somewhere someone was listening because the surviving half of "Martin and Lewis" broke a record for money raised at the end. Recession? It may be over or people realize that this is it and "you can't take it with you".
• Retailers and Grocers- They all expected the worst too. For once, they ordered a surplus of items to keep shelves stocked. As a result, all the Home Depots and supermarkets are left with an enormous amount of plywood and food with expiration dates on them. When everyone leaves town, there's no need to do any shopping. "Extreme Makeover" can cancel it's plans to have a season of rebuilding homes in New Orleans. In another bad call, whether it be accidental or on purpose, ABC Television aired a rerun of a Katrina badly damaged home on the eve of Hurricane Gustav putting fear into everyone and making them reconsider staying at home and riding the storm out.

Now that everyone got chased away for nothing, it's time to turn around and come back home. This is the biggest farce of them all! A case of "chicken little" claiming the sky is falling. The storm turning course now leaves people wondering why they had to leave and plants the groundwork for ignoring threats the next time. That thing is called "Hannah".

A Free Gift For You!

Labor Day is here! Because you work hard all week, it's time to play hard!

Enjoy the holiday weekend with our Angry Angus Burger. In this case it would be appropriate to advise you not to "eat and drive"!

BREAKING NEWS

BREAKING NEWS!!! I've never been more excited about politics and this election nonsense than I am today! The connfetti is still falling from Obama's speech in Denver last night, and now the excitement has moved east to Ohio where McCain has shocked the world with his pick for a running mate: Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin.

If you're like me, you probably have a lot of questions that you want answers to in regards to her years of experience in politics. She's kind of "fresh out of the gate" in this race. The 44 year old is married with five kids and calls herself a "Hockey Mom". Governer of Alaska for two years, before that she was mayor of a small town, population 100. Immediately after hearing the news on the cable news channels, there were a lot of naysayers quick to jump on McCain for what many feel is a "poor decision" because she would be "just one heartbeat away" from the "Oval Office". Normally, I would have to agree with that however, when you read into this a little bit farther, what exactly are the odds of McCain dropping dead in the next four years? The quick answer here is that the odds are the same for everybody. Don't call McCain crazy or mixed up. He's not some old man wandering the streets trying to find his way home. He knew what he was doing here, and that's why he's all smiles. How would you like to have this former beauty queen cutie working a few steps away from you? If McCain is already accused of making bad choices and having cloudy judgement, how will the man be able to run the good ol' United States under these circumstances? I wouldn't be able to do it!

I think back on some of the poor choices that were made in the past when it comes to potential running mates and thankfully, most of them never made it to the job, like Geraldine Ferraro for example. Now, Palin may not have a long resume and may be an unknown player in this game but, at this point, who cares that she has no experience when it comes to foreign policies and other issues facing us? She gets my vote regardless! Over the next few months I'll be using the "Dogpile" search engine quite a bit. This is a good place to type a name in for all the dirt on someone all in one shot because it combones several sources into one easy search (you can access "Dogpile" right now in the column to the left). Within the past few hours, doing a search on Sarah Palin has come back with nearly triplr the amount of information as compared to this morning. Now is the time that all the "controversey" starts and we start to dig up all the dirt on this wholesome lady. For example, we now know that she is a big fan of drilling. Why else would she have five kids? She's got the look of a schoolteacher who lets down her hair at the end of the day and gets naughty like a porn star. Matter of fact, I look forward to "accidentally stumbling" across some Girls Gone Wild! videos of her. You know there has to be something out there somewhere! It's up to you...if you give a rat's ass about the economy, education , and the environment, vote Obama. Personally, I don't need anymore "Change". I've got enough in piggy-bank already!

"Rocky Mountain Hijinks!" The 2008 Democratic Convention

Welcome to The Keystone State/ Party City/ Home of the 2008 Democratic Convention and more! High up in the Rocky Mountains the air is thin and the locals are already restless. ...All this just because Borack Obama is coming to town and bringing the whole world with him! Now, who was the guy that thought Denver would be a perfect fit for a convention like this? Sure, millions of dollars are being circulated through the city limits however, most of the people who live there claim to be "Independants". In other words, they could give a rat's ass if it's Obama or McCain staying at the Howard Johnson's down the street. This convention brings a lot of unwanted attention to a place way up in the hills that just wants to be left alone! Can you blame them? Before Mr. Obama has even made an appearance before the large crowd, a storm of controversey already swirls overhead. In keeping with family tradition, a Kennedy had to speak to the masses yesterday and Sen. Ted Kennedy who was rumored to possibly not survive the excitement of the night came on stage and assured us that as ill as he may be and knocking at death's door, he's "Not ready to die just yet". Thank goodness he's planning on toughing it out as long as the late Sen. Strom Thurman did.

While Sen. Kennedy stole the spotlight for a while last night, the invisible Obama was there too, if only in spirit. While he's away working on Thursday night's speech and forging a couple last minute quotes from JFK and Martin Luther King, members of his opposition are frantically digging through pile upon piles of paperwork linking the Presidential hopeful to a 1960's radical group that tried to blow up the Pentagon. Whoever had the job of shredding these documents 40 years ago has proven they must have been asleep. While all this is going on, three people were caught in a failed attempt to kill Sen. Obama when police discovered explosives and lots of drugs connected to the trio. The government may have made an error here by not charging them with a Federal Offense. They claim that the three were just talking about what they'd like to do and the officials concluded that all three were just racist nitwits high on dope and really didn't pose a threat to anyone. Is this some new loophole in the law? If I were Obama and elected as our next President, that's the first thing I would look into. Reviewing history, most tragedies were caused by people who were "just talking" and look what happened next> Obama says he's not too worried,,, I say, you 've got to be kidding!

Some people are having a good time in Denver at someone else's expense. How else do you explain another common loophole that allows struggling corporations to throw lavish parties in honor of the Democrats when such a thing is supposed to be illegal? Here's the thing. It IS illegal to host a party intended for that purpose however, it is simply "overlooked" so long as no big dinners are served. In other words, take United Airlines and all their troubles. They too are celebrating in Denver this week where shareholders are spending money like it's going out of style yo grease the palms of all the Democratic hopefuls. And to think they have the nerve to charge you $5.00 for a bottle of Aquafina on a three hour flight!

Michelle Obama and Hillary Clinton dined together after Hillary's speech this evening. They went to one of the local bar and grill establishments to sink their teeth into all you can eat Rocky Mountain Oysters and hot wings. Both seemed to be unphased when told that these particular "oysters" don't come from the sea. There you go. As this event hits it's mid-week peak before giving it up to McCain and Company next week, this convention remains as uneventful as all the others in years past (Oh yeah, let us not forget about 1968 in Chicago). I don't think all the excitement will change the way anyone in Colorado votes in November. As a matter of fact, the majority of those polled have stated that they'll be staying home on the second Tuesday in November and I can't blame them either. Think of all the things that Colorado has given us: You can go for a joyride up in the mountains in your Mercury Mountaineer while listening to John Denver on the CD player, drive until you get to a Denny's, stop off and get a Denver omelette and an ice cold Coors, and then go out to the parking lot where you realize you have a crapload of unpaid traffic tickets and that's why the "Keystone Cops" slapped that Denver Boot over your tire! God Bless America!