From the Earth, to the Moon, to Mars, and back again to the Moon?!!

Way back when, in 20th Century 1969, Americans set foot on the moon. Fast forward to the 21st Century 2008. All eyes are on the planet Mars. For over twenty years now, our government has been sending all kinds of space junk to the red planet. Many of these robot missions ended without success until the Mars Rover made a safe trip several years ago and managed to send back photos of the terrain via satellite. The conclusion was that indeed, the "soil" of mars was red and like powder. All this scientific data ran up a bill close to several hundred million dollars which by the way, anyone could have done this from the earth for nothing. In the end, we learned of the extreme temperatures from daylight to darkness as well as the intense gravitational pull. Gravity is so heavy that a human would likely get smashed like a pancake immediately after exiting the spacecraft. But doggone it, NASA still had to find water there somewhere to prove that Orson Welles may have been right all along. Just a few days ago, a new robot began it's journey over the surface only to discover that merely a few inches under the surface showed proof of frozen water. Big Deal! Now that we have this information we can only speculate that the pyramids in Eqypt and Stonhenge were constructed by something or someone not from this earth. Now, I don't know what they'll look for next but, at the same time Nasa is already packing their suitcases ro make a return trip to the moon... IN 2025! That trip isn't as important as Mars however, which is closer to get to? NASA has a good point: when they say that going back to the moon will be very complex due to the fact that spacesuits need to be created from scratch with longevity in mind. The plan is to construct labs on the moon's surface. Such a task would force some of these guys to live in that environment for perhaps several years until the construction is finished. In other words, back in 1969 when they didn't have a clue what to expect when we got to the moon, it was pretty flawless. They practically did it with a simple suit and oxygen tank for pete's sake! Keep that in mind the next time some actor pleads with you on a tv ad to help the people displaced by the extreme weather here on Earth. As for "going green", I say "That's my kid's problem" My generation didn't cause this mess in the first place of course, I can think of a billion ways to spend a billion dollars by exploring the land outside my door. Take that Al Gore!

"Putting some fichizzle into your Saturday"

...And the Daytime Emmy for outstanding editing goes to: Borack Obama and his clip called, "Getting rid of the Muslim woman wearing the headscarf"! Senator Obama couldn't be here tonight to personally accept the award ... Why? because he was too embarrased to show up! Okay, he wasm't nominated for anything however, if such an award were given out, his team would win it hands down. Why would he insist that this lady be zapped out in Photoshop? Election time is getting closer and with that in mind, the jibber-jabber is already taking place about the situation in Afghanistan. The Taliban has their ears open as to what's going on in D.C. and as they increase their stronghold in that part of the globe, rumors are already circulating that a new President in the White House along with a whole new roster will result in a big mess thus, allowing National Security to become blind to any possible attacks. Ehis woman wasn't looking for a "photo op", she wasn't even aware of the picture flap until it became an issue on the cable news networks. Now this picture snafu has led the Obama supporter to contemplate switching her allegience to the Republican side. While Obama apologized and called this "an error in judgement", Sen. McCain is prepared to welcome the woman as a supporter. "She's more than welcome to climb aboard my journey to the White House... I have no issues with Islams. All my anger is directed to the Asians rhat kept me in the P.O.W. camp and bottom line is, I'll never have stir fry at one of my Presidential dinners." Hmmm??!! Snoop Dogg ready to deposit Cash at the bank! I would have never believed it had I not seen it for myself however, at the story's conclusion it all made sense. On ABC News Overnight the news gets pushed to the side and the "fluff" becomes the headlines. While awake the other night I watched a piece on older women who moonlight as professional wrestlers for $10 a night and then they followed that up with the story about Calvin whatever his last name is (you and I know him as Snoop Dogg). He's recorded a song in honor of one of his biggest influences, the late Johnny Cash. That's right! Now, there's no question that toward the end, Cash became a little experimental with his work. Now, unless I missed something, I don't recall Johnny singing a song about 1965 Chevy Impalas bouncing up and down while Johnny 's got the gangsta lean driving down the street sipping in a 40. Okay, Johnny did sing a lot about prison but, I don't recall any hits about smokin a fatty in homeboy's Caddy while drinking a gin and juice. Methinks maybe he got mixed up with Willie Nelson who happily admits to a lifestyle that revolves around the marijuana plant. The song, "My Medicine" was released and features a sample from one of Johnny's songs. The connection between the two is as foggy as the air within a pot party but, if it se;;s, good for him. Be sure to check out www.weezer.com to see the video for "Pork and Beans" also available on YouTube. It's a rather humorous look at at a montage of some of the Internet's greatest icons.

"A 'Fish Story' about about Regus and Kelly Live and a lemonafe stand"

Regis and Kelly: Sink or Swim? Here it is folks...while enjoying my morning bowl of Cookie Crisp cereal the other morning, I saw it! Regis and Kelly Live on the old WGN 22 incher and Regis made a remark that could have resulted in him ending up "swimming with the fish" side by side with Jimmy Hoffa. The only way that would have happened however, was if his Producer Gellman had it in him. Yiu ever see the beginning where they invite a viewer to call in and okay a game of trivia? Regis and Kelly converse a little small talk with the caller and then invite the person to spin Gellman's Big Spring Fling-A-Go-Go prize wheel to win a vacation if the answer the question correctly. Regis asks a stupid question like this: "Harrison Ford was a guest on our show yesterday and he's the star of the Indiana Jones sequel in movie theaters right now. Besides the role of Indiana Jones, what other character did he portray originally that put his name on the map?" Thirty seconds to get it right and Kelly's gonna keep time. You can only answer once. After the wheel gets Regis' big spin and the needle lands on a trip to Costa Rica, the caller chimes in with a guess. "Is it Han Solo from Star Wars?" and Regis answers, "Yessss! You're right! Now where did you say your from caller?" She responds, "I'm in Des Moines Iowa right now." "Oh geez!" says Regis. "Lots of water out there huh? All that flooding from the Mississippi River, I'll bet you're bailing out right now eh?" Caller says,"Yup, I lost everything and some things just can't be replaced like old photos and what not." "Good Lord" says Regis. "that's a shame! Our hearts go out the folks out there dealing with this mess. ANYWAY, Betty from Des Moines, you just won yourself a Disney Cruise to Costa Rica where you'll have ten days of white water rafting, scuba diving.! In other words, you'll be up to your neck in water for over a week. CONGRATULATIONS! This prize package is worth $21,000. ENJOY!" Miraculously the woman stayed on the line to collect her trip while I nearly choked on my cereal, and Regis didn't even flinch. Whatta great gift! It's like giving a homeless guy a doorbell. Moving on, in the "Us kids don't have anything to do this Summer" category, Some kids in the North 'burbs got a nifty idea for a money maker ti buy some X-Box games. When the parents asked what the boys were gonna do while they were at work, the kids kicked around the idea of a lemonade stand. Not a bad idea eh? Only thing is, Daddy must have left his text book from Bartender School as well as keys to the liquor cabinet where most irresponsinle people leave a loaded handgun: IN PLAIN SIGHT. The kids pulled out a few fifths of booze and mixed up a batch of electric lemonade for thirsty passerbys on the street. The mailman didn't say a word. Matter of fact, he laid a dollar on the card table and instructed the boys to keep filling up his Dixie cup. No one knows for sure but, someone called the cops and within minutes a few police cruisers swung by and sent the neighborhood into a frenzy discovering these youngsters were peddling mixed drinks. Of course, mom and dad got a call to come home early from work and pick up their kids from the station. This wasn't Sheriff Andy Taylor giving Opie a lecture about the bad thing je did, NOPE! These parents now face a hefty fine and perhaps jail time for "contributing to the delinquincy of minors" and "operating without a liquor license". The kids? They're at their new home that has the initials DCFS until this case is brought to trial. Here's a "bottom's up" to great parenting!!!

Pull out last Sunday's newspaper, a sharp pair of scissors, and get ready to clip the coupons... we're going shopping! Now, I'm willing to bet you that grocery shopping isn't on your list of favorites and believe me, I know where you're coming from BUT, it's gotta be done. Follow my example by avoiding as much as the riff-raff as possible by hitting the bricks very early in the morning. This time around, my store of choice was Jewel Food Stores. This Chicago based business is an icon in the city however, this "Mom and Pop" grocery chain lost it's charm when it was snatched up by California based Albertson's. Gone are the days when the butcher comes out from the back to get your approval of the steaks he just cut. As it is now, you can't find a soul for help of any kind!

One of the things that scares folks the most before even stepping inside is the fear of a gigantic bill when it's all over. Seems as though in recent months, everyone blames everything on gasoline prices for the high prices. In many cases, the quality and quantity of what we buy lowers while the prices inch higher. Most stores place the produce near the entrance. That's fine by me. Never mind what those "experts" say about shopping on an empty stomach, I starve myself a day or two ahead of time. Hey, because of those high gasoline prices, I'm going to take advantage at the store and the fruits and vegetables are the place to start. Afterall, it's not your fault gas is $5 a gallon. Why should all of us have to get punished. I usually start off with making a fruit salad or regulat garden salad. Why do you think they have Marie's salad dressing and croutons near the vegetables? Make a salad right there. Open up a jar of dressing and pour it on thick. Carry a pocket knife at all times to do some chopping, mincing and slicing. If someone stops you, tell them that as a consumer, YOU have the right to sample before you buy. While you have an employee stopped, ask him what the hell a pomegranade is... Why is this stuff so popular and what is it, a fruit or vegetable. A few years ago it was kiwi, then it was mango, and now this! It's everywhere you look and in juices, soda, deserts, whatever you can think of. It's supposed to prevent cancer so they say but, wait until next year when they say it causes cancer! One of my problems in addition to high prices is the wasted shelf space that devotes an entire aisle to the same product, nut with a different brand name. Aisle 10 is stacked to the ceiling with bottled water. Don't tell me you can actually taste the difference between Dasani and Aquafina. If you say you can, you deserve a slap. The same goes for the pet food aisle..."my doggie can't eat that Purina stuff. He doesn't like it. I can only buy Alpo." Tell you what, your dog can't talk and sure as hell can't complain. When he's hungry he'll eat no matter if it's Purina or your dirty socks. How about the paper products? Does your ass really know the difference between Charmin and Cottonelle? Does your spilled milk care if it's Brawny or Scott brand towels to clean up the mess? This one really gets my goat: Air fresheners. Both sides of one aisle are filled with Glade and Wizard products in a variety of scents and different ways to use them. Years ago there were only two brands and they came in a spray can or in the shape of a tree for your car. Now? Its cans, candles, plug-ins, sprays, mists, and on and on. Not necessary is it? Buy a big spray bottle of Febreeze and you'll be set for life. The store is organized the way it is for a reason. It's because it's laid out like you eat with salad at the front and ice cream at the end. Which by the way, don't forget to help yourself to a good humor bar at the end. Fill your stomach up good before you approach the checkout lane. In my case, what could have been a bill well over $100 ended up $12.89 because I used coupons and most of all, common sense!