"Ramblings About Nothing"

As this week comes to a close, I look back on the last seven days and reflect on what it was like to go out and do something I usually hate to do... go out in public and "mingle" with peope. I don't like it because unlike most people, I can't just go out and enjoy myself. My mind is always working and I usually return home at the end of the day trying to pull all my thoughts together. You know, this week was no different than the others however, the only thing was that this time a few of my stops included waiting rooms. OK, first things first was the eye doctor. I've visited with many doctors over time and I still can't understand why this guy is the one with the most paperwork to fill out! Good God! I just had a cornea implant a week ago meaning, my eye is still not all together. Not to mention the eye drops I placed in my eye going to see this guy. Tell me now, if I'm in his office, that means I can't see, correct? If I can't see, how am I able to read all the small print? This is how they take advantage of you. The small print says, "Your vision may be worse after your visit with the doctor" You can't see it, but you sign anyway because "Who really reads all that small print anyway?" No matter how bad he screws you up, at least he's covered legally. Meanwhile, you're screwed!

My next stop was at my family doctor the next morning. This guy always makes me fill out paperwork too! It doesn't make a difference if I were to see him today because if I come back tomorrow, I have to fill out the same paperwork all over again. I asked the lady at the desk, "What's going on? Are the computers down?" "No." She replied. "It's our new security policy. You'll have to do this every visit". Am I wrong, or is this new policy a little too late? Afterall, 9/11 was seven years ago. Unless I missed Bill O'Reilly one evening, a doctor needn't worry too much about someone coming in to play with the inventory. Here it is, seven years after the fact and no one is still for certain if that chemist that killed himself was the one who put Anthrax in the mail! Not only that, but if I have a nasty drug habit, my family physician is the last place I'd run to. The only "smack" this guy ever gave me was a "smack" on the ass when I was born. I hate to say it but, "security" is something I will refer to often in this post. As time has moved on from the 1960's to today, we've been trying like crazy to speed up the process of everything and making things simpler. As we began to worry about the ozone layer and global warming, paper was on it's way out and everything went on computer. All of a sudden, it seems we're going in reverse. Back to the old days where file cabinets were the norm. Hey, at least your ipod is helping you out for you. This computer nonsense in the real world is on it's way out. Here's another gripe about my doctor: While you wait for him to see you, he's got a brand new plasma television on the wall that's always tuned to Fox Business Channel and next to it is a sign that says, "Don't change the channel please". Is this a good thing? Did he not notice the sudden increase of blood pressure in his patients in October who must sit and watch all the bad things on Wall Street as you wait to see him? Typical of most doctors, mine also has a lot of old magazines laying around to keep you busy. As I was catching up on what's going on in Operation Desert Storm the other day from a 1990 Newsweek magazine, I thought it would be kind of funny to make up a couple of magazine covers on PhotoShop and staple them to some old magazines on my next visit. Instead of reading news from twenty years ago, a few clicks of the mouse will allow me to change the cover story and the date to twenty years into the future. The fun starts as soon as you sit back and take notice as people pick up a magazine and start glancing through. You thought the people at the Doctor are weird? How weird is it now that his office is in "The Twilight Zone"? He gives me a scrip and off I go to Walgreen's.

Upon returning home and opening the bottle of pills, I realize I was given the wrong thing by mistake and need to go back. I thought of a few other things I'd pick up as long as I'm going back there and here's where "security" springs into action again. I decide to get some AXE body soap. There are now two aisles of assorted scents to pick from. Needless to say, they are locked behind plexi-glass and I need an employee with a key to open the cabinet. Wouldn't you know it that I had the same luck when I spotted mouthwash and razor blades? Some of what I wanted only had floor samples and the real stuff was behind the counter at the pharmacy. All in all, it took about fifteen minutes to get only a few things because of "security". So, while at the pharmacy I tell the Pharmicist about the mix up with the pills. I hand her the open bag containing an open bottle of pills with all the seals broken, and she gladly takes it back without any problem, puts it back on the shelf and hands me the correct one. It's good to know that I can't taint a bottle of soap however, switching one pill with another is fine and dandy at least at Walgreen's.

"I'd like to dedicate this next song to..."

I turned on the television late last night only to realize that my prior chennel surfing much earlier had left me parked on The History Channel. Now, I'm not really too sure about what goes on there depending on what "daypart" I may tune in. In other words, the Neilson Ratings often reflect what the demographics are for a certain block of time. Maybe it's me, but I remember a time when History was exactly that. Matter of fact, it was like watching PBS with commercials and kind of a neat way to avoid actually opening up a history book in school. I've gotta tell you, a LOT has changed on the network in the last twenty something years since I actually paid attention. If not for the little "H" on the bottom of the screen, I'd swear I was watching E! or some mockumentary on MTV. I tuned in half way through a certain program which was all about conspiracy theories. A smorgasboard of topics came up and not one mention of J.F.K. or 9/11 that you usually hear about. This was a show about famous names in Hollywood and the mysterious circumstances in which they died. I knew that something was up as soon as they put Anna Nicole Smith and Kurt Cobain's deaths under a microscope suggesting that they didn't die from self medicating themselves with booze and pills but rather, may have been murdered. Now, there have been so many books and movies made about J.F.K., Marilyn Monroe, U.F.O.'s and Sasquatch, but who is the guy losing sleep over this stuff abd was it really newsworthy enough to make it on the same channel that keeps it's fan base due to Civil War re-enactments and WWII newsreels. I then realized, "Oh, this has something to do with Halloween coming around the corner" and then I got it. But it still doesn't make any sense. I guess this channel is now run by former staffers of TMZ. Someone actually is looking into the death of Nirvana's Kurt Cobain! If they want to investigate anything in this area, perhaps they ought to look into how it's possible that Tupac Shakur has been dead for a decade and still manages to come out with a new CD every year.

Going back to Nirvana, I just became aware of the latest rumor that happens to be circulating on the Internet about the popular Alt-Rockers The Foo Fighters who formed soon after Kurt Cobain's homicide or suicide or whatever as the brainstorm of Nirvana's Dave Grohl. It seems someone has come up with the idea that a song from several years ago was written as an homage to none other than John McCain. The song, "My Hero" has fuzzy lyrics that you can pretty much connect to anybody if you really want to. Matter of fact, the song came out just before McCain's last attempt at The White House in 2004 where he was eliminated as one of the candidates. This was also right after John McCain still spent the majority of his time as Senator in Arizona where he had a hard time recognizing MLK's Birthday as a Federal Holiday. Now, you may be thinking, "Why The Foo Fighters?" I agree. You would expect this sort of nonsense from a pokitical rock group like Megadeth or Rage Against The Machine. The Foo Fighters? They're harmless. They say a good writer often sleeps with a pen and a pad of paper next to the bed in case you happen to wake up with a thought so you can scribble it down. Hey, I don't. I don't think Dave Grohl does it either. Matter of fact, he thinks this whole story is nothing but a silly guy that started a silly rumor. Funny or not, this has led the rest of the band to start to wonder the same thing..."What WAS the song REALLY about anyway?" All Dave can do is shrug his shoulders and laugh. If he knows, he ain't telling. The laughter however, didn't last too long once the boys in the band got wind that McCain was using the song as an entrance theme for his persoanl appearances. I guess these guys are Democrats eh? They're not the first ones to make a fuss over a political figure using their song to get a quiet crowd stirred up. Heart and James Taylor already had it out with McCain's Camp over the use of their music without their permission. For Heart and James Taylor's sake, they should have just kept their mouths shut and let McCain keep doing what he's been doing. When was the last time one of their songs charted anyway? So, contrary to what you hear, there was no story behind the song and certainly no association with the man that wants to be President. In fact, as far as McCain is concerned, "Nirvana" is something he found after being released from his Vietnamese prison meanwhile, his father was busy with "The Foo Fighters" for his time in WWII. As for Dave Grohl and the rest of the band? I'd be surprised if they're even registered voters. So, let's put this conspiracy to rest!

"More Political Mumbo Jumbo" and "Elsie the Cow"

"Will the real "Maverick" please stand up?" OR "James Garner: Dead or Alive?" You know, all this political malarkey of last evenings "Presidential Debate" got me to thinking about a name we've heard tossed around like crazy the last few weeks. That name is, "Maverick". Both John McCain and Sarah Palin have used this name to describe what they believe they both are going into the final days of their 2008 Presidential campaign. Kind of funny, isn't it? Afterall, Sen. McCain was critical of Borack Obama's links to some of the big shots in Hollywood. I don't know if he realizes this or not however, as I recall, there was only one "Maverick" and that guy had his home in Hollywood. The original "Maverick" was none other than James Garner. Oh yes, there was another "Maverick" after Garner, but do you remember how he ranked? When Mel Gibson took it upon himself to reprise Graner's famous role, nobody seemed to notice. The movie was a bust and that was said to be the role that started Mel Gibson's career to tank. Then I got to thinking about James Garner, the man himself. Is he living or dead? I dunno. As I recall, his last job in television was playing the father of Kate Seagal on the late John Ritter sitcom, "7 Rules For Dating My Teenage Daughter". I also recall him winning an Emmy for something recently however, he was too sick to accept the honor in person. I tried to find an answer to my own question by going through the proper channels however, no one is able to answer if Mr. Garner is still with us. I'd like to hear his thoughts on the latest attempt to cash in on the "Maverick" name in Washington D.C. Methinks he's hard to get a hold of for a readon. I just want him to realize that he will always be known as the one and only, "Maverick", and that may help sales of the show's DVD's if nothing else.

Speaking of politics, drug store giant Walgreen's has had second thoughts about some of the Halloween costumes they are selling at their stores. Surprisingly, this has become a "mountain from a molehill" type scenario that stems from the issue of campaigning in the workplace. While the sales of Presidential Halloween costumes has become a big seller in recent years, Walgreen's has decided that displaying masks of McCain and Obama next to a mask of a guy with a butcher's knife through his head is a bad thing. WHY? They say that they don't want to sway anyone's opinion of either candidate this close to November. In other words, am I to understand this right??? Walgreen's cheap rubber masks may determine who I vote for? May change my mind? Puleaazzze! As I understand it, this issue has now been placed on the back burner and Corporate has left it up to the individual stores themselves to decide if they wish to continue to sell this stuff. These guys are on the same shelf, so what's the problem? They're getting their equal time! If I want, I can count the number of Joker masks in comparison to Batman that are on display. I'm guessing there would be a surplus of Batman considering Joker's popularity, and darnit! That isn't fair. Just let me ring up my Altoids so I can get the hell out of here! Geez!

"No need to buy the cow because THIS milk is free. So Take it. Drink it. Please?!" and then in a scene straight out of "Cops", the cow was placed into the backseat of a police cruiser and taken to the station to be booked. That's the way it went down in this otherwise sleepy Ohio town when an intoxicated woman donned a cow costume and ran through the streets and local schoolyard taunting adults and kids alike to come suck on her udders. At first, she was referring to the udders sewn into the costume but later, took it one step too far when she pulled out her own breasts and begged the same thing of the school children who ran away in horror. She did get arrested for a number of things that afternoon and the police identified her as the "Town drunk, where it's only a matter of time before she'll be back for something else." Hmmm. No word if this was a random act of drunken stuper or a brilliant way to get Ben and Jerry's attention after rumors of their "Mother's Milk" ice cream was revealed. Thanks, but I'll stick to Sorbet.

"Fowl Ballz" finish off the season in Chicago!

Post-season baseball in Chicago is now officially D.O.A.! The bats however, are still swinging like crazy. Most of them smacking television screens with Superstattion TBS, your "official" MLB channel. Yeah, whatever! I can honestly say that I feel cheated. I honestly thought that the Cubs had it all together to pull it off this year...didn't happen. The Sox? They always tend to have good intentions but bad timing. They made it to the playoffs however, the fire got hot under their feet way too late in the season and quite frankly, they didn't deserve to be in the playoffs in the first place. I must admit that it was sad to see Ken Griffey Jr. make such a dissapointing exit. Like so many others before him, the Sox and Cubs rosters have become the resting place for one time greats to ponder retiring. Now that the season is over, the blame game has begun. Finger pointing and excuses from the ground crew up to the front office and including the players and fans. Afterall, someone has to take the blame! Let's put the money hungry players aside and take a peek into the future that, let's face it, doesn't look much brighter.

• The Cubs - Presuming there will still be life on earth and a game of baseball, it's important to keep the month of October 2108 open. If the Internet is similar to a time capsule, someone can pull up this post to see what I'm saying today. 2018 will be celebrated as the "Bi-centennial" of the Cubs last appearance in the World Series. At that point in the future, "Chicago" and "Cubs" will no longer go together like yin and yang. Heck, I predict as early as 25 years from today, the former Wrigley Field will be home to an IKEA store. Even the Cubs' most loyal beer guzzling, shirtless, face painted fans will have finally grown tired of the Cubs and the franchise itself will have made its way through several other cities before landing in Oklahoma City like the Seattle Sonics just did. They will be rebranded "The Oklahoma Tumbleweeds" and take baseball back to it's roots by offering tickets for under a dollar. No one will come to cheer them on except for the a few crazies who board a bus and go out there for a weekend. Ron Santos will still be alive and kicking and still drumming up support to get into the Hall of Fame. When did this all start to fall apart? That day back in the late 1980's that Roseanne Barr botched up the National Anthem. Oh yeah, you can blame it on that damn goat too if you really want. Heck, blame it on the man in the moon if you want... it's the same thing. When Lou Piniella drops dead on the mound next year while making a pitching change, he'll just be another statistic in the MLB history book along with all the others who gave leading the team to the "Big W".
• The Sox - This is easy. First off, this is 2008 and their World Series victory took place several years ago. Are we done talking about it yet? This isn't the same group of people that it was then. If you're like me, you too were probably puzzled the day that the Sox made Ozzie Guillen the manager of the team. I immediately saw a lot of potential problems. I now admit, I was wrong. Sure the guy is a loose cannon. His personality zig-zags all over the map. He can barely throw a full sentence together when he speaks, and is always on the brink of having a meltdown. That's exactly what the Sox needed before and this was a game plan that worked. The Ozzie of today pales in comparison. He just doesn't care anymore one way or another. Maybe he's mad at what he's got to work with or perhaps realizes that his name is on a long list of people who need to go. This is exactly what needs to happen. During the games against the Tampa Bay Rays, whenever the camera was on him, his mind was somewhere else. Oh yeah, this guy need not worry because he'll always have his photo in the main hallway at Comiskey Park with the distinction of leading the team to a World Series win however, bring in someone new for crying out loud! If things keep going the way they are, in 100 years the Sox may be relocated as well. This will happen a few years after MLB opens the borders and welcomes in the Dominican Republic. New teams will emerge out there like McDonald's. The Sox will call that their new home and Ozzie's kids will probably have a shanty across from the new ball park.

Hey if this game is just "a game", let's take it one step farther and consider new managers for both teams next season? Lou Piniella? Gone. How about "Captain Lou" Albano. A former pro wrestling great who made "Sports Entertainment" hip with his connections to Cyndi Lauper in the infant years of MTV. He's still alive, lost a little weight, and needs work. His last big gig was as "Super Mario" and he is said to love baseball. As for the Sox, replace Ozzie with Ozzy (with a "y" thank you very much). He's always going to be connected to "bats" for as long as he's around and perhaps a little bit easier to understand than Guillen. One big thing though, this Ozzy doesn't dwell on the past unless it's a VH-1 interview and he's talking about his days with Black Sabbath. He's also spontaneous and unpredictable and enjoys living in the moment. Maybe that's what this team needs. Now fellas, empty your lockers, pack up your bags, and take the bus to the airport and board a plane to go back home. You have a lot to think about...