"Democracy fails to be nominated!"

The Fight for "The Grammy"

There's no worse luck than a "broken Axl" if you're speaking about your car or the lead singer of "Guns N' Roses". In this case, Axl Rose has a beef with the folks on the panel of picking nominees for the 2009 Grammy Awards... the latest album got snubbed and Axl won't be going home with any "Grammy" this year! I don't care what anyone says about the Thanksgiving Day release of "Chinese Democracy". It's an experimental piece of work that can be described as outtakes from an album never released 20 years ago. While it isn't a train wreck, it wasn't worth the hoopla either. Originally, nearly 25 tracks were in the works ubtil someone "swiped" the master tapes and uploaded the songs on the Internet. The years and years that passed along the way left the whole project in limbo before it finally came to fruition last year. In the end, the "GNR" lineup would change several times and the album tracks were reduced to a dozen. Lead guitarist, Slash left the band in 1991 and is obviously missing from any song credits on the latest release. Unfortunately for Axl Rose, his biggest accomplishment would be the status of yet another disgruntled member by the name of Steven Adler. We'll get to him in a minute...

"Chinese Democracy" and it's delays and controversey were not by mistake. It was a PR stunt gone bad. Axl wanted to show the world he was with the times and understood the ins and outs of the Internet. The guy that "stole the tapes" and "held them hostage" before releasing them on the Internet is more than likely a good pal of Axl who was doing what he was asked to do. After the smoke cleared and the "fun" of searching out the tracks in cyberspace ended, there was virtually no reason for anyone to shell out the cash and actually purchase the album. That's why Axl's pissed! The fact that he and Slash never worked out their problems long enough to make the current release also bothers him. Just this week, Axl was quoted as calling Slash "The weak link" and stated that the two will never speak or work together again in this lifetime. Really, I could care less. As far as I'm concerned, '87's "Appetite For Destruction" holds it's spot as a breakthrough record and ends there despite other tragedies like former drummer, Steven Adler.

Adler was part of the original lineup and mixed well with the band, especially when the concerts were over. The "GNR" party bus rolled on for a while until Adler took the partying a bit too seriously. The bands reputation for being three hours late to take the stage was a result of Adler. Even though they were set
to "self-destruct", they all agreed Adler had to go. Instead of getting better, Adler finds himself on the current season of VH1's "Sober House" and he himself, is a ticking time bomb lost in a world of dope. The irony here is that a guy as screwed up as him, turns out to be the biggest draw on a reality show about addiction. I'm not sure if people wish him success or failure however
, anyone who says they're taking sobriety seriously but yet, enters a home with pant pockets full of syringes isn't really trying too hard. I wouldn't expect to see any one of these three characters together anytime soon. There's a better chance to see John Lennon and George
Harrison rise from the ashes with Ringo and Paul. Let's face it... the "GNR" tragedy was years in the making. No "Grammy" for these guys...!

"Google stirs up even more trouble!"

Getting "Bamboozled" by "Google" again! OR "If you want my identity THAT bad, let me give you my Social Security number along with lots of luck!"

I've written about this in the past and got a few chuckles along the way however, it happened to me again today while I was out and about. Google began as a half way decent search engine on the Internet years ago and that was that...fine by me. In fact, I still use it today for it's original intended purpose as well as the main conduit to present this blog (So, you see I must be careful what I say here as my text is being monitored!). Google has taken the prophecies that George Orwell wrote about and have turned them into reality. Sure, in the beginning it was fun to take advantage of all of Google's little extra perks like their famous program, Google Earth. Here, you can plug in your neighbor's address and zoom up to peek into the picture window. While you're at it, you can get all the information you could ever imagine such as names, phone numbers, and property values. Google did all this with plenty of leg work over a few years. They actually sent college kids out in white vans to take digital photos of everything (Notice how some of the addresses you enter show the hood of the van in the photo?). An invasion of privacy? Sure. You can be like the old lady next door and know everyone on the block's business. This week, Google added yet another feature. This one is for Wi-Fi and cell phones and it all comes down to tracking down "where in the world" you are! I suspect that Waldo and his shenannigans are now out of places to hide.

This latest attempt to pry further into our lives may be a good thing for the parents with the 15 year old daughter who is currently rebelling, putting up half-naked photos of herself on MySpace and planning on stealing Mommy's MasterCard for plane tickets to another country to meet some old pervert pretending to be 15 too. As far as I'm concerned, despite the positives such as this, Google has now crossed the line into that "gray" area and meanwhile, they still can't get the easy stuff sorted together, which brings me to earlier today...

A teenager overheard me mention my name while at the doctor's office and asked me if I'm friends with Shawn White. "I don't know the guy" I said, and continued on. A few moments later it hit me that this kid was talking about the Shawn White that happens to be a professional snowboarder, has his own video game, and looks like "Carrot Top" the comedian. This wasn't the first time I've been "connected" to the guy. Matter of fact, if you Google my name you'll discover I was in the "X-Games" and have a long history in this extreme sport. Truth be told, the closest I get to snow is with the Toro snowblower. If I slip on the ice and break a bone, it's by accident and not for "the fun of it". So much for unique name! Actually, if you type in my name on Google, you'll see me connected with many types of things such as Car Salesman, Mobile Phone President, brother of "Quinn" who plays in the NFL. I've either got the same name as these people or are somehow linked to them by accident. Perhaps they are some relation way down the line?! Maybe I'll never know. The same goes for the name of this blog...type it in and this gets connected to a "hole in the wall" bar in Boston. I've never been there but yet, share the name with them. The S.O.B.'s wouldn't even send me a shirt from the place for my mentioning them! All I can say is, if you're like me and have lots of bills and misery while fearful of picking up a ringing telephone,

1. Thank the Lord above for Caller ID.
2. Realize that your name that may contain every letter in the alphabet may not be that "unique"
3. Write Google a "thank you" note if they confused you with someone with the same name who has a bigger bank account than you. Google may mix you up with someone else but, that someone else may end up stuck with your bills.

"Blago on tour", "Smoke your breakfast", and "Denny's strikes out"

• 
  "Dora the Explorer" called and wants her hair back! Now that Rod Blagojevich has gone from Illinois Governor to "Citizen Blago", he hasn't slept a wink due to his comedy act that has recently hit the road. It's an act so pathetic that it actually makes you believe that Dane Cook is funnier than the late, George Carlin. I'd even go so far as to say that I long for the possibility of a Billy Crystal, Robin Williams, and Whoopi reunion! I haven't forgotten about his resume however, a security glitch on "Monster.com" has hindered my access. Be it as it may, Blago has gone from taking his quick witted "out of context" remarks from the studios of Nightline and Geraldo to the late night "yuck yuck" fests of talk shows. Politics to comedy can be a smooth transition if you do it correctly like say, "The Daily Show" however, this isn't Jon Stewart. Regardless of the fact that within a matter of a few weeks he's taken the joy out of Obama's Illinois pride and tainted it yet again, I still see a guest spot on "SNL" for him in person, before May with "Chingy" as the musical guest. In the meantime, he's a good person to take along to a ballgame or concert as a ticket scalper. He can turn a profit on your $50 seats...to be continued....


• Try not to "be like Mike". Pee in the pool! There's still a lot of fuss over Michael Phelps photo fiasco with the dope. It seems this is a topic that gets everyone all riled up and taking sides. It's not like this guy was snapped by TMZ shooting up heroin or something but, at the same time I find his defense as this being a "one time thing" a little humorous as well. The fact is, the guy won 7 medals and that's nothing to sneeze at. So I say, apologize and let it rest. Sounds simple but, Phelps feels the need to, pardon the pun, re-hash the event and dig the hole deeper and deeper. The smart thing to do would be to keep quiet. This only spotlights some errors in his judgement that may or may not have been the result of some "good pot". First of all, in an age where cellphone cameras are everywhere, think about your actions a little bit. Don't smoke a bong six feet long... consider using rolling paper. Don't ever say you did it once and didn't like it because a picture is worth a thousand words. Also, don't offer to speak to school kids at big events because of this as a way to show you're on the right track. Such a thing makes you look more guilty and unhuman. Considering all the endorsement deals, contracts and aspirations to compete in future Olympic events, the next time this were to happen, drink lots of water and flush it out of your system before you get caught. He'ss got the perfect setting here with being able to constantly pee in the pool without drawing more attention to his frequent bathroom visits. Everyone has done it at one time or another because of not wanting to get chilled when exiting the water. Why do you suppose Las Vegas casonos have bars in the swimming pool? The guys sitting there all day drinking beer without getting up once is the only proof you need. The only irony here is that his story is making a mountain out of a mole hill when the same thing happens time and again, day after day, in every other sport and nobody blinks an eye. A sad commentary on society.


• "Does anyone remember breakfast at Denny's?" The restaurant chain Denny's had one of the most successful commercials during Super Bowl Sunday. If you were lucky enough to catch it, their commercial touted a free breakfast for everyone the Tuesday after the game. I guess they thought that either most people wouldn't remember it by Tuesday or everyone would be at work at that time and not take advantage. With the economy in as bad shape as it is, it ended up being that there's either a lot of unemployed folks that are hungry, or everyone called in sick. Denny's has kicked out some pretty good eats over the years, or so they say. Sure, I've been there however, never in the daylight and never sober. I haven't been in one for years anyway because I really don't know what I'd expect going in late morning or early afternoon. It's either disgusting food or deserves "5 stars". I hate to find out. Typically, Denny's does it's best business from two types of folks...these are either hungry people motoring cross country on vacation, or the drunks that come in clusters after midnight. Denny's knows this because they started the idea of putting pictures next to everything on the menu. You're either too tired to read or too drunk. You can simply point out what you want to the waitress without saying a peep. There's nothing like a big breakfast filled with Bisquick, cholesterol, and pork fat topped off with bad coffee to put some spring back into your step! Anyway, the old HBO show called "Taxi Cab Confessions" gave me an idea for a spinoff called "Denny's Dining Booth". Let's face it, have you ever tuned in to the things going on around there? Just like in the taxi, people sit and start dishing up the dirt while being taped on hidden camera. You'll see them all come out of the woodwork here in the form of gays, transvestites, prostitutes, winos and weirdos. They can try their hand at creative advertising gimmicks and using a couple of "Wise Guys", cowboys, or Burt Reynolds as a pitchman but truth be told, a hidden camera works better. They bit off a little more than they could chew with the free breakfast spot that resulted in lines outside two blocks long so this show idea is perfect to help balance their books. Afterall, Denny's isn't just for breakfast anymore... it's the "Craig's List"version of IHOP and that's truth in advertising with a wink and a smile!

"A One Word Review" of the "One Second Ad"

"Dumb"