"Oh, MILEY Gosh!"

[Photo]Shame on Hannah, Destiny, Mylie, and any other name she goes by![Photo] Shame on Billy Ray too! You know, Walt Disney must be spinning in his grave now that yet another star has fallen. The TMZ website and tv rag are going to be working overtime on this one. I'm talking about some of these photos arriving in the next issue of Vanity Fair magazine. Well, I checked them out myself and don't really know what the fuss is all about. Okay, [Photo]scratch that... what's really so bad about the series of pictures with a semi-nude 15 year old? The fact that her daddy is rubbing up next to her for starters! What was Billy Ray thinking? In the Cyrus' defense, the really questionable pix were taken when mom and dad left the studio to warm up the pickup truck and now everyone has taken a moment to pause and reflect that perhaps this wasn't such a good idea in the first place. Remember Billy Ray's television show on PAX where he played a doctor? The now defunct network always had subtle messages of Christianity running through it and that's a far cry from the Billy Ray of today. "Achy Breaky Heart", the one song that is now considered a novelty, put the guy on the map and earned him millions. Hey Billy, were your investments so bad that you're broke and needed to pimp your daughter out to a magazine? Yes, Shame on you pretty boy! You see folks, Disney isn't all about unicorns, rainbows and smiley, happy faces. Because of the tight noose that Uncle Walt has tied around these kids, a taste of the "real world" leads to this. Let's see... we already heard the rumors flying on the net about Mylie being pregnant, and now this. Think about it: Mylie is just another young kid that picked up the torch passed down from Christine Aguillera to the Spears girls, Lance Bass, and Justin Timberlake. What will dad have to say when Mylie turns 18 and does a photo spread for Hustler? Will that be a wake up call to good parenting or will the nut job pose with his daughter in there too? Don't look back Britney! Mylie just jumped out of the gate and is closing in on you quick!

"...And the meek shall inherit the earth!"

"They will have to pry my precious gun from my cold, dead hands" ...Charlton Heston a.k.a. Moses and head of the National Rifle Association. Poor Charlie...He could part the Red Sea but lost his powers when it came to a battle with Alzheimers. We are all too familiar with his most famous role in the epic The Ten Commandments which just had it's annual run several weeks ago over the Easter holiday. This is the kind of movie that you see it once, and that's enough. A good movie maybe however, we all know the story. This is in the same category as the yearly playing of Julie Andrews' The Sound of Music which also aired recently. Here's two films each with a running time a little over 120 minutes that ABC stretched to over three hours because of commercial breaks. Commandment Eleven says, "Thou shall not promote a silly ABC sitcom while viewing a Hollywood interpretation of THE BIBLE" Charlie dropped the tablet with 11-15 on his way up to the top of the mountain. With a staff in his right hand and a machine gun in his left, he already had his hands full. Besides, it was more important to tell the masses that "Guns don't kill people... PEOPLE KILL PEOPLE" Indeed, Charlie loved his guns cocked and loaded. It was nice that NRA members kept him on board despite his slipping mental health. I guess there's no harm in letting your 95 year old Grandfather wander out the nursing home doors at 3:00 in the morning with an AK-47. That's exactly what I'm getting at! While sipping my morning cup of Celestial Seasonings this morning and watching the gals on The View share stories of meeting Heston, I was most intrigued by Whoopi Goldberg who touched briefly on Charlie's love for black women. "I asked him how difficult it was to kiss a black, female co-star on camera back in the day when that sort of thing was a "no no" Whoopie quipped. "He said, 'let me show you how simple it is for me' as he leaned over and slipped his tongue into my mouth and grabbed my chest" A nervous Barbera Walters turned a funny shade of blue as she quickly changed the subject. Well, the man was in a class by himself. Afterall, one of his last great moves in cinema was to give Jay-Z, Ice Cube, and Snoop Dogg his blessing for the followup to the classic movie. Already in pre-production, Ten Mo' Commandments is expected to hit theaters in May 2010. OK, so he was Moses, Ben-Hur, and the dude from the Planet of the Apes. After that? Hmmmm. Oh yeah, a stint as guest host on SNL a few years back. President Bush loved the man too and welcomed him to The White House several years back. A misty eyed George W. Bush spoke this morning and told us to, "Open your windows, raise your arms, and fire away" in honer of Mr. Heston. He would have wanted it that way as this monkey meets the man with the yellow hat in the sky.

"Dear Readers and Fellow Bloggers...A Special, Holiday Message"!

• Happy Holidays to one and all! I can't tell you to have a "Merry Christmas" because many of you are not the religious type and find the phrase offensive. Now, as many of you curl up by the fireplace with your cup of "Holiday Cheer", here's why I think December 25th should be rubber stamped, "Return to Sender"!
• First of all, it's true what they say, that "the older you get, the faster the year goes by" and the proof is in the putting: Eight years later and FOX is still 20th Century Fox. Someone must have been asleep at the switch.
• Remember when you were a kid growing up and Rudolph, Frosty, and Charlie Brown were on only once a year? Yep. If you missed them on TV you were out of luck for a year.
• Here in Chicago, I'd like to thank radio station WLIT 93.9 for playing nothing but Christmas music a day after Halloween. 65 Degrees the first week of November and I'm listening to Frosty the Snowman. The good news is, I don't like Michael Bolton or Celine Dion at ANY time of the year.
• Here's another thing...the people that keep bitchin' about no more Marshall Fields! "Macy's just isn't the same" they say as they protest in front of the stores. It's a friggin' store people. It changed it's name. If you have a lot of money to spend, you don't have to shop there! Go to KMART! If the Shell station down the block turns to BP and you don't like it but need gas, you gotta go there.
• A big raspberry goes out to Wal-Mart for putting a jump on the season weeks BEFORE Halloween...While you got a raincheck for the Nintendo Wii, at least there was a Quizno's in the store so you didn't have to make dinner. The Walton family has stood proud of their religious beliefs BUT, everything goes out the window come October!
• Another raspberry goes to Walgreen's Drug Store. At 11:59 on Tuesday night, the minimum wage employees who were on the schedule will be busy as rabbits...turning the store into Valentine's, St. Patrick's Day, and yes, Easter.
• Here's the big one: The History Channel/Discovery Channel and The Learning Channel. These guys ought to just stay with "American Chopper" instead of trying to extinguish all that we've learned about Christmas. So they say, December 25th was only penciled in on the calendar by accident. The real date should be in the middle of July where astronomy has shown that the North Star was only seen that July. Thanks for wrecking it!
• To those anxious to slip into George W. Bush's shoes come November 2008, ENOUGH ALREADY! Sure, Hillary Rodham Clinton already ran the White House in the 1990's but, due to a loophole she can now be elected for two terms equaling a total of eight years. Let's put it this way...as long as the people in New Orleans keep singing the Blues instead of Jazz, Hillary will more than likely win. How's that for coal in your stocking? On the flipside we have Rudy Gulianni. Here's a guy who still gets into five star restaurants because of the fact that he was Mayor of New York. That's right...WAS! Let's do things like they do in grade school and instead of being Principal for a day, you can be President for a day. Bottom line is, all these politicians ruined my Christmas by wrapping the baby Jesus in a flag for a blanket and NO, that isn't right! So we have a whole year to hear the same old schtick? Well, I can pronounce "Clinton" but, I can also pronounce "McCain". As for the others, better tell Santa to stick a Thesaurus in my sock next year if I'm to listen to a "Mitt", "Obahma", or "Huckabee". This sounds like a race that Dr. Seuss came up with for crying out loud!
• Remember the true meaning of Christmas, and remember the troops!

"Merry Christmas" and TAKE COVER!

Be sure to check in to The Squealing Pig Worldwide this holiday season for a special announcement. Of course, have yourself a "BLUE" Christmas!