Toys, Toys, and MORE Toys. A real "Toy Story" without Tim Allen and Tom Hanks.

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  OK folks, let's give it up for a special edition of "TSP WORLDWIDE v. 4.0". Hard to believe we're beginning the slippery slope towards the end of summer. Although there's about a month and a half of having the kids at home, They already saw "Spiderman", "Fantastic Four" and all the Disney computermation films. All that's left is that damn Harry Potter book before the kids move on to opening up fire hydrants and shooting out Mr. Wilson's window with a slingshot. There's the good ol' Wal-Mart. They claim to be a "pure" place to shop with no dirty music or dirty movies but meanwhile they are such a good EOE that forces workers to work for 16 hours and get paid for only eight. Well, tonight I'm taking a look at our local store down the street, and all the shenanigans that go along with it. I will also touch on the future of carnivals in Illiana and why it's time to take a giant pair of hedge clippers to their power lines so they can pack it up and head back to Florida...Well, let's do it.
• Ahhh Yes...Wal-Mart. In the late 80's/early 90's the only way you'd see one is off an Interstate out in the sticks. If you were to push James Earl Jones and Kevin Costner to the side as you make your way through the cornfields, you'll come across a Sam Walton property. I've never seen so many John Deere caps and bib overalls in my life! Then I heard they were expanding to Chicago and knocking down the old "Monkey Wards" in Lansing to build a new store. Pushing all their corporate and legal troubles aside, they've made the news again a few times this week. I stopped in for a few odds and ends and I got started on this rant because of that silly Betty Crocker oven for little girls that is said to either cause 2nd or 3rd degree burns by a child reaching inside, or it may even start on fire. There towards the end of the aisle were a few shelves with this "oven". They should have pulled them off the shelf! I will say this: I never heard of anyone getting 3rd degree burns from a 40 watt bulb...if it hurts, LET GO!
• Also in the store, dolls, action figures and other stuff from years past, to those associated with current movies. What better wayto slip in some other newcomers in between Spiderman and Batman? Well, Moses parted the Red Sea, so he can surely part Spidey and Batman. As of right now, there's only a Jesus and a Moses. They stand as tall as all the other action figures however, these toys are supposed to lure kids away from the other toys that are "unsuitable for kids". Here's my problem...Good idea for some people I guess but, launching a line of TWO toys and nothing else right now, and placing it between WWE and Darth Vader...Well, is that a good thing? Until they develop more stuff, the toymaker ought to consider making Jesus with a Kung Fu grip and Moses with a rocket cycle to jump the Grand Canyon.
• Weirdos, freaks, hippies, crack heads, drunks...Where do you find all this? Not just in Downtown Chicago. Go to a local carnival. Considering there's plenty to pick from. Put on some rubber gloves, a good pair of jeans (So as not to get poked by any needles) and head over to one of those trailers with your lemonade shake-up and funnel cake. The trailers that house the row of clowns where you may spend $25 or more before you finally shoot the water at the clown and bust the balloon before they give you a prize worth about a dime and imported from China. There's also the game with the gun where you shoot at the paper star, the horse racing game, throwing dangerous darts at balloons, posters and maybe people too, and last but not least for the people that will never see Las Vegas, they can put their life savings on a dizzy field mouse running into the closest hole just to get the damn thing over with. The rides? Forget about it! Hard to believe that a 2" screw can cause a big ferris wheel to collapse and go rolling. Bottom Line: greasy foods high in sugar, games that teach sharpshooting with a firearm, as well as gambling on a field mouse...Do teenagers need this crap? The rides are in a class by themselves. I use caution at Six Flags and Disney World. A carnival? Certainly not. Until next time, kick it!
  
  

"Catholic in Chicago? Here's for you..."

All my eggs fit into one basket today as I take a moment to reflect on a man who looks in the mirror every morning after applying his Brill Creme to the hair and wonders why he was born white. This guy is Catholic Priest Michael Pfleger. If he hasn't done so already, Pfleger is probably scoping out a young, black boy as I write this. I write about this character today because there are white people in his church that are seeking help. Fr. Pfleger shuffles these people to the bottom of the deck because well. us white folk are living high on the hog. If we're poor, it's our own fault because we're not working hard enough. In recent weeks, Pfleger's time has been consumed with marches in and around Chicago protesting the sale of guns. Jesse Jackson walked hand in hand with the Priest as they made their way to the end of Chicago's border in Riverdale and stood in front of the door to prohibit entry and exit from what is a legitimate business for over 40 years. According to these yahoo's facts and figures, over half of homicides in America can be traced back to this Riverdale gun shop. These guys aren't doing ANY community service...in fact, this is like Mt. St. Helens. There's smoke and a lot of gurgling and burping and something big is going to erupt soon. Jackson needs to zip his lip and relocate to another Country. There was only one Martin Luther King Jr. and Jesus didn't appoint Jackson to fill his shoes. Pfleger? Either be a Priest, or be a policeman. Don't do both. I know, if he had his way, Father Pfleger would give the black community in Chicago a good job making $200,000 a year and a home worth a half a million dollars with a Lexus and Mercedes in the driveway. For us white folks, the very white Fr. Pfleger wants to put the screws to us by giving more perks to blacks than they already have, and make life for whites miserable. Is this a Christian thing to do? We're all supposed to be on an even level in Society. Hatred is just the beginning of trouble. Remember Hitler. Don't worry Michael and Jesse, they're not putting your Nobel Peace Prizes together anytime soon.

"24 Hours of cursing is a good thing for the atmosphere!"

Since when did Al Gore become concert promoter? I'm talking about that silly 24 hour concert around the globe this weekend. Boy, how times have changed! In the mid 1980's, Al's wife Tipper was the person behind saying songs with nasty lyrics shouldn't be allowed to be sold...most importantly to kids. As a result, we got that "Parental Advisory" sticker. B.S.? Yes! Music or no music, profanity hovers over everyone like a swarm of angry bees. That sticker of Tipper's needs to go. For those who are involved in ANY genre of music, I say if the lyrics are that bad, let the Artists and Record Labels work together and slap a sticker on the thing...Among the performers that evening, The Police may have been the most hyped but didn't deliver. Two other acts come to mind and it made me seek out a calendar to see what year it is. First up to bat, Roger Waters of Pink Floyd fame. The group dissolved after 1982's "The Final Cut". Since then, Roger has made three albums of original material. The rest? How many bricks are in "The Wall"? Roger claims rights to the late 70's classic and now, we're going brick by brick and country to country releasing "The Wall: Live". There's about seven thus far. No more Roger! I thought there was a "Pink Floyd" reunion coming. What happened?

Here's another one that gets my goat...Garth Brooks. What the @#$% is this guys deal? Who's he trying to hoodwink? Retired and returned to work five times already. I thought Michael Jordan was wishy washy...this is NUTS! Word of advice Garth, next time you "retire", don't make it public. You're just making yourself look more and more like a jackass.

As for Gore, sure everyone enjoyed the concert BUT, what's up with the money? I thought I was watching a friggin' telethon. They said to donate "As much money as you can". Gee Al, you won an Oscar for that movie of yours and having done all that research, you should know that money won't fix anything. The hole in the ozone layer can't be plugged up with checks,money orders, and credit cards. Not only that, but am I to believe that all these entertainers flew half-way around the world for the hell of it? Someone had to foot the bill. The last person you want to represent "Live Earth" showed up. Dave Matthews. He bragged about riding his tour bus which is a diesel/ethanol hybrid. Kudos to you Dave...too bad you didn't mention the "incident" two years ago when you dumped your shitter from the bus into the Chicago River. Was that organic or full of fiber? That's about the time I switched to Aquafina for water.

Despite all that nonsense, Al Gore went against the grain with this big concert thing. As a result, He's probably sleeping on the couch for a few weeks. All sorts of shenanigans were sewn together in the end

"From 7:00 pm to 7-11...a promotion only around a dozen stores will be a part of"

You know, the release of an upcoming movie is supposed to get you anxious, riled up, and pulling out your hair in anticipation of it's opening night. It's no secret as I pointed out yesterday that weeks ahead of time, places of business try to get the whole thing kickstarted. Now, it's one thing to place a toy from Shrek in with your food order at McDonald's, but what 7-11 did is "leaps and bounds" ahead of everyone else despite the fact this is only going on in 12 Nationwide stores. I'm talking about the upcoming release of "The Simpsons" movie. After being on the air for so many years entertaining us all, going back to the early to mid 90's, creator Matt Grohenig spoke with reporters from newspapers, magazines, and television about any possibility of an animated feature length film. At that time, he suggested the possibility that somewhere down the line when ideas are running out and he gets burned out, a movie would possibly made to tie-up loose ends and close the book on a successful run. Latest I heard, "The Simpsons" aren't going anyplace at least for a few more years. It may be good, but let's not call this a "franchise" on the big screen yet. It's no "Toy Story, or Shrek". Regardless of the fact, the folks at the movie studio thought it would be a perfect match to team 7-11 and the movie together. (By the way, the only one around here is on 63rd Street in Chicago). You'll find all the signs changed to "Kwick-E-Mart" and once inside, you'll find inflatables of some of Springfield's most famous that you can pose for a picture with. No more Slurpees either...They're Squishees now and the flavor of the month is raspberry-vanilla. They've also got Krusty's Cereal and Buzz Soda. There is not however, any Duff Beer. It is available in Europe though. It sounds like a pretty good marketing gimmick but, there's a real person that was used as a model for Apu at a 7-11 in California many years ago. If this thing is a success, this guy will be showing up at FOX with his Attorneys with his hand out. They better pay him off now or the real 7-11 signs will be going up before the movie opens and this could very well be the big finish for "The Simpsons".