"A few odds and ends from this past week"

• THE WEATHER CHANNEL COMES TO CD? That's right. People have been ecstatic over the music played in the backround during the local forecast. Now TWC is going to slap these songs on disc and sell it to you for $16.00. Oh, there's nothing more soothing than the sound of Kenny G. I've got a better idea...how about scrapping that silly idea and concentrate on an accurate forecast?


• THE PARTY'S OVER...MAYBE. Tuesday is supposed to be the big day that Paris Hilton gets out of jail. All this while pal Nicole Richie's fate hangs in the balance as she awaits word of a possible jail sentence of her own. This whole thing has spun out of control. I say they both get locked up together FOR LIFE!
• AIN'T THAT A KICK IN THE HEAD? It's time to put a new spin on a classic Dean Martin tune. One or two people happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time the other day at a Six Flags amusement park in Kentucky when a clear blue sky began to rain feet. The "superman" thrill ride delivered on it's promise to make the ride a memorable experience. A 13 year old girl had her feet severed by a cable on the ride that drops some 50 mph in a freefall. The kid was a good sport about the whole thing. After the state of shock went away, she picked up both of her feet and got back in line to try it again!
• BILL AND HILLARY SOPRANO? Satire, or a sneak peek at the future? In an effort to reach out to the 18 to 25 year old "first time" voter, Hillary had her people write a political ad that lampoons "The Sopranos". Husband Bill even joined in kind of looking as if he was out of his element. I'm sure that somewhere, someplace, there's a wax museum with Bill Clinton on display. It probably has more of a pulse than what's in the commercial. Already the ad is taking heat...a LOT of heat. Some people don't see the humor in the spot, and many more folks are scared as hell. Should Hillary become President next year, we have to worry about Tony Soprano and "Big Pussy" knocking on our door if you're late with filing your taxes. Meanwhile, we need not worry about Bill or Hillary heading to Hollywood. You can check out these wannabe thespians in the popular commercial on youtube.com.

"Three cheers for these Queers, and other tall tales"

• Here we go...first things first on this Friday afternoon,,,Paris Hilton is holding her own in jail. This poor kid. Everyday the folks at the jailhouse make Paris strip nude. They pick her up like a bowking ball and examine everything with an opening. Paris hasn't even yet put in two weeks and has been a pain in the ass, The word today is, Paris isn't to crazy about the oatmeal and peanut butter and jelly. Her Attorney says this is a bunch of crapola and Paris is ready to blow away with the next strong wind.
• Tank Johnson of the Chicago Bears...Oh yeah, the heat was on him earlier this year when his bodyguard got shot in a nightclub and police found guns at his home. When his brief prison visit came to a close, a 6 to 8 game suspension in the upcoming season would be in the cards. About a month ago, Johnson went on television and claimed his life was now devoted to Jesus. That may be so...Jesus turned water into wine however, Seagram's gin wasn't around 2000 years ago. He was told not to screw up anymore but, swerving all over the road and going 20 miles over the limit...well, it ain't looking good. The most puzzling thing about this is the police stating it will be two to three weeks before the blood test results are in. That's plenty of time to play around with the sample. Johnson isn't carrying the team. Matter of fact, I say to Lovie, quit being so "lovie dovie" and cut the guy loose. A big distraction to say the least.
• Be gay, be proud and say it loud! Sunday in Chicago is the annual "Gay Pride Parade". I mention this only because the media has welcomed this event with open arms. This may as well be the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. WGN is covering this event. Consider this to be a big cesspool of sexually transmitted diseases. I'd turn the thing on in a heartbeat if I were guaranteed some "lipstick lesbians"...No such luck. All I'll get is Rosie O'Donnell and Ellen Degeneris. My advice to all gays is, if you're male, never mind a Trojan,,,use a sock. Women...Oh, I can't say it.
  

"Abraham Lincoln was a bold face liar!"

I'm sad to have to report the following bad news. You may know the definition of "dirty politics"...a staple in the Chicago are but, I'll bet you didn't know that as residents of Illinoi we've been hoodwinked since the 1800's! Here's where things get tricky. In 2007 we have Barack Obama running for President. If by some miracle he makes it into the White House, he probably figures he automatically has bragging rights to claim a victory for African Americans. I'll give the guy a couple of props. He dresses nice and talks a lot of crap...perfect formula for setting up residence on 600 Pennyslvania Ave. Now, we've got a number of politicians that stick their foot in their mouth and later have to go on television to apologize. Obama is one of them, and Arizona's John Mcain is another one. Obama goes into this race clueless. The closest he's going to get to the "Oval Office" is dumping out George Bush's spitoon. In any event, people are embracing Obama as Illinois' very own or, as he likes to call himself, "The first colored President". I say, Barack, not so fast. You were the result of a mixed marriage and depending on what day of the week it is, do we call you black or white? This much I know...Abe Lincoln beat you to the punch, Matter of fact, one might be inclined to say that "Honest Abe" was the first black man in office! While researching the history behind Lincoln's roots for his Presidential library in Springfield, historians found that according to DNA tests, Lincoln's Mother had a long affair with a black slave. It is believed that Abe is the result of a forbidden sexual relationship. If this proves to be true, this could very well re-write History books. Having said this, think long and hard about who you vote for in 2008.

"What a STEAL!"

The Squealing Pig store is now open for business!

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