In The Spotlight: "Let's switch Thanksgiving with Christmas..or did we do it already?"

Kudos to places like Wal-Mart for shoving their holiday commercials and advertising down our throats long before we put threw out the rotten pumpkins from Halloween. Wal-Mart was in a silly of a pickle this year about what to have their door greeters say to incoming customers at their stores. Everyone was real religious for about six months after 9/11 and then it fizzled out. Now, for some reason not too long after that, people

weren't too happy to hear "Merry Christmas" at the stores. Wal-Mart and Target did away with it and instead had employees say, "Happy Holidays". Now in 2006 it seems we're going back to the original way of doing things. For those who disagree, let's put Saddam, George W. and Jesus at the front doors of Target and Wal-Mart. Saddam should at least offer us a "Merry Christmas". If not for him being caught and sentenced to dangling on a rope soon, we may be in a lot more trouble than we are already. President Bush ought to greet customers at a store in his Texas hometown...why? When his term in office is over he may be working at Wal-Mart as a greeter. Besides, he's got nothing to do right now anyway besides fight with all the new Democrats that were just elected. Finally, Jesus should appear at every department or discount store at the same time. He can probably do it too! Jesus should stand in the doorway to scold everyone that walks in. Someone needs to remind the people what Christmas really is all about. Yep. Some 2000 and something years ago there were no Targets or Wal-Marts, no Elmo TMX's , Playstations or Nintendos. There certainly wasn't an eBay where people can resell these items for $20,000 each just to make some kid happy on Christmas!

Stay away from the Kool-Aid at the wedding, and O.J.? Should have had a V-8!

• It's over and done! The "TopKat" wedding has taken place in Italy with no problems. Katie Holmes (or is it Cruise now?) wore a lovely white wedding dress while Top Cat wore his trademark brown vest and hat. Like Oprah, Top Cat's pals Pixie and Dixie were given the brush off. One person that was able to make it was Kirstie Alley who brought longtime friend, Triumph the Insult Comic Dog. No Jenny Craig on the menu at this affair...it's pasta, pasta, pasta, and lot's of garlic bread. There's just too many darn jokes to make about the whole thing and quite frankly, I can't top the stuff heard at the beginning of late night talk shows anyway. All I will say is "Remember Jonestown?" 1970's cult leader Jim Jones had a clever way of manipulating people in his flock. By continuously brainwashing the men, women, and children that he was Jesus, he convinced everyone at his service to enjoy a cold glass of Kool-Aid in the hot California sun. Within a few moments everyone was pushing up daisies, including him. Nothing wrong with the Kool-Aid itself, but the fact that he put cyanide into the batch made all the difference. With all the celebs out there for the event and most of them not being Scientologists, some might not be coming back. Let's put it this way: Those annoying Jahovah's Witnesses that pound on your door every weekend at 8:00 in the morning, move to the next house within five minutes of your closing the blinds and curtains. Anyway, July sounds like a good month for the TomKat split. You heard it here first.
• Everyone loves O.J. except for Geraldo who's hopping mad that the TV Network he works for is going to allow O.J. Simpson to go on FOX TV to talk about and demonstrate ways he would have killed his wife over ten years ago . Not an admission of guilt by any means, Simpson just wants to set the record straight that the murders were done without too much planning. This is great. Not only is he a free man, but now he's going to show us how to kill someone the "right" way! Geraldo's ranting on his syndicated tv show which is produced by FOX may cost him his job. Well, for once I can say I agree with Mr. Geraldo. Giving a killer like O.J. and hour's worth of television time is nuts, Then again, in the mid 1980's Geraldo was doing cartwheels down his office hallway when he managed to snag an interview with Charles Manson. Well, O.J. speaking on television may result in yet another trial for O.J. He's killed his wife and her boyfriend, killed his Attorney Johnny Cockring recently after the overworked rundown man died of a heart attack, and now he's got Geraldo's blood pressure through the roof. By the time this is over, Geraldo may either be off the TV, or six feet under. Will someone give Geraldo round the clock support and wire him up to an EKG machine? Maybe some Prozac wouldn't hurt either. One way or another, it'll be over soon...for someone.

"In The Spotlight: Baby Arie's 1st Birthday!"

"Spiderman, Britney and Rumsfeld: The products of an angry planet"

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• "Spiderman, Spiderman, acts exactly like every man"- You know, this Elmo TMX doll is like gold this Christmastime. People are fist fighting, stabbing and stealing the things from Wal-Mart. Heck , someone actually stole a whole semi trailer full of the things from a Wal-Mart in California that they're still looking for. Like toys of Christmas' past, things that talk and make noise become victims of practical jokers . Already this year with Elmo, several micro-chips were switched to make Elmo curse like a sailor. Even so, good luck trying to find one. If you do, get a second mortgage on your house way ahead of time. Enter the cheap knockoff known as the "Itsy Bitsy Spiderman". Someone decided to take the crime fighting superhero and behave like Elmo. Same thing, but not Elmo. Who wants to see Spiderman sing and dance around like a sissy anyway? Spidey doesn't even want to do it!
  

For only $20 you can find this thing virtually anywhere and everywhere compared to his pal Elmo however, someone has already messed around with Spidey's insides too. Much to a woman's surprise who bought one and put it aside for a Christmas gift, Spidey started talking one night and was saying things that are normally spoken on a 900 number chat line. They believe some prankster at the factory may be behind this. So now, you may not find these things readily available either as they are being pulled off shelves for inspection. Hmmm? A joke, or a conspiracy?

Britney Spears and Kevin Federline? There's nothing I can say that hasn't already been said? These two were at a "Mexican Standoff" anyway both personally and professionally. K-Fed's debut CD released on Halloween has thus far sold an astonishing 5,000 copies. One Eminem is enough...we don't need two! Britney hasn't been on her two feet for nearly two years. The Country Bumpkin' has been laying on her back in bed while her mentor Madonna keeps moving ahead. K-Fed was like an anchor around her neck. Here's the advice Brit: Close up your legs for business and hit the studio. K-Fed: Forget the musical career. I'd say quit trying to wrestle John Cena in the WWE however, because you suck at even that too, there's a good chance you might get hurt for real. If not for the kids of yours Britney, you could come back and we'll pick up where we left off...on second thought...Nah!

One week later and my, how things have chinged in Washington. Less than 7 days ago, President Bush was still coming to the Defense of Secretary of Defense Donal Rumsfeld. Kind of ironic, isn't it? Now today, Bush had a press conference to tell the world that he an Rummy agreed that their relationship isn't working. C'mon, get real! Did Rumsfeld even have anything to say about this? Rumor has it thatbefore signing with San Diego, former Cubs Manager Dusty Baker was approached by President Bush who hinted that the war in Iraq needs to head in a new direction. Missed, will be Rummy's wit and sense of humor. He found a silver lining in every cloud. Rummy even made us chuckle when the twin towers were still smoking. He's already signed a contract with MSNBC where except for Keith Oberman and Chris Matthews, he'll be a news anchor for 14 hours everyday.

All this stuff is going on at a time where the complexion of the Universe is rapidly changing during this week. Planet Mercury is crossing directly through the path of the Sun. This last happened three years ago. This time however, the magnetic force of the sun and the closeness of Mercury is more critical. It is feared that as soon as Monday evening, Mercury will be sucked into the center of the Sun in an explosion that will be seen on Earth as simply a solar flare. Such an event had been predicted for hundreds of years as the planets inch closer to the big star. That will leave Venus as the only buffer between us and the Sun. It is expected that our planet will suffer the same fate Astronomers say, on April 13th 2021. Rock On!