"Blago on tour", "Smoke your breakfast", and "Denny's strikes out"

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  "Dora the Explorer" called and wants her hair back! Now that Rod Blagojevich has gone from Illinois Governor to "Citizen Blago", he hasn't slept a wink due to his comedy act that has recently hit the road. It's an act so pathetic that it actually makes you believe that Dane Cook is funnier than the late, George Carlin. I'd even go so far as to say that I long for the possibility of a Billy Crystal, Robin Williams, and Whoopi reunion! I haven't forgotten about his resume however, a security glitch on "Monster.com" has hindered my access. Be it as it may, Blago has gone from taking his quick witted "out of context" remarks from the studios of Nightline and Geraldo to the late night "yuck yuck" fests of talk shows. Politics to comedy can be a smooth transition if you do it correctly like say, "The Daily Show" however, this isn't Jon Stewart. Regardless of the fact that within a matter of a few weeks he's taken the joy out of Obama's Illinois pride and tainted it yet again, I still see a guest spot on "SNL" for him in person, before May with "Chingy" as the musical guest. In the meantime, he's a good person to take along to a ballgame or concert as a ticket scalper. He can turn a profit on your $50 seats...to be continued....


• Try not to "be like Mike". Pee in the pool! There's still a lot of fuss over Michael Phelps photo fiasco with the dope. It seems this is a topic that gets everyone all riled up and taking sides. It's not like this guy was snapped by TMZ shooting up heroin or something but, at the same time I find his defense as this being a "one time thing" a little humorous as well. The fact is, the guy won 7 medals and that's nothing to sneeze at. So I say, apologize and let it rest. Sounds simple but, Phelps feels the need to, pardon the pun, re-hash the event and dig the hole deeper and deeper. The smart thing to do would be to keep quiet. This only spotlights some errors in his judgement that may or may not have been the result of some "good pot". First of all, in an age where cellphone cameras are everywhere, think about your actions a little bit. Don't smoke a bong six feet long... consider using rolling paper. Don't ever say you did it once and didn't like it because a picture is worth a thousand words. Also, don't offer to speak to school kids at big events because of this as a way to show you're on the right track. Such a thing makes you look more guilty and unhuman. Considering all the endorsement deals, contracts and aspirations to compete in future Olympic events, the next time this were to happen, drink lots of water and flush it out of your system before you get caught. He'ss got the perfect setting here with being able to constantly pee in the pool without drawing more attention to his frequent bathroom visits. Everyone has done it at one time or another because of not wanting to get chilled when exiting the water. Why do you suppose Las Vegas casonos have bars in the swimming pool? The guys sitting there all day drinking beer without getting up once is the only proof you need. The only irony here is that his story is making a mountain out of a mole hill when the same thing happens time and again, day after day, in every other sport and nobody blinks an eye. A sad commentary on society.


• "Does anyone remember breakfast at Denny's?" The restaurant chain Denny's had one of the most successful commercials during Super Bowl Sunday. If you were lucky enough to catch it, their commercial touted a free breakfast for everyone the Tuesday after the game. I guess they thought that either most people wouldn't remember it by Tuesday or everyone would be at work at that time and not take advantage. With the economy in as bad shape as it is, it ended up being that there's either a lot of unemployed folks that are hungry, or everyone called in sick. Denny's has kicked out some pretty good eats over the years, or so they say. Sure, I've been there however, never in the daylight and never sober. I haven't been in one for years anyway because I really don't know what I'd expect going in late morning or early afternoon. It's either disgusting food or deserves "5 stars". I hate to find out. Typically, Denny's does it's best business from two types of folks...these are either hungry people motoring cross country on vacation, or the drunks that come in clusters after midnight. Denny's knows this because they started the idea of putting pictures next to everything on the menu. You're either too tired to read or too drunk. You can simply point out what you want to the waitress without saying a peep. There's nothing like a big breakfast filled with Bisquick, cholesterol, and pork fat topped off with bad coffee to put some spring back into your step! Anyway, the old HBO show called "Taxi Cab Confessions" gave me an idea for a spinoff called "Denny's Dining Booth". Let's face it, have you ever tuned in to the things going on around there? Just like in the taxi, people sit and start dishing up the dirt while being taped on hidden camera. You'll see them all come out of the woodwork here in the form of gays, transvestites, prostitutes, winos and weirdos. They can try their hand at creative advertising gimmicks and using a couple of "Wise Guys", cowboys, or Burt Reynolds as a pitchman but truth be told, a hidden camera works better. They bit off a little more than they could chew with the free breakfast spot that resulted in lines outside two blocks long so this show idea is perfect to help balance their books. Afterall, Denny's isn't just for breakfast anymore... it's the "Craig's List"version of IHOP and that's truth in advertising with a wink and a smile!

"A One Word Review" of the "One Second Ad"

"Dumb"

"Super Sunday: Who gives a rat's ass?"

If there's ever a day where all the weirdo's, nutso's, drunks, freaks and alleged "fans" come out to play, besides New Year's Eve, it would have to be the "Super Bowl". If I were to bet on a "sure thing", it's that the Chicago Bears will not be playing post-season football in an 80 degree climate anytime soon. Considering I don't really give a "rat's ass" about this years game, I will be rooting for the Arizona Cardinals who will likely lose however, anything is better than the Steelers!





Super Bowl Sunday is one football game where like all, is divided into four quarters each fifteen minutes long. Do the math...A one hour game! So why I ask, must this one particular game be stretched out to nearly five hours? It's simple..

• The Food - Mexico has already gotten it's fair share of PR within the first few weeks of 2009. For some reason or another, the "avacado" has risen in popularity and is predicted to enjoy the top honors at this year's Super Bowl parties. One can argue if this shaded dark green/black thing is a fruit or vegetable, but it IS the main ingredient for the beloved guacamole dip! Take the avacado out of the typical appetizer and what you have left is a bland fruit/vegetable with no purpose. Do you eat it like an apple? Do you slice it? Do you sprinkle the thing with salt or sugar? One thing is for sure: Things that are from America have an identity. Maybe if this thing had it's origins in the U.S. like a Ford or a Buick, we'd know what area of the produce aisle to find it?! Sure, you can make the same argument about the "tomato" however, after all these years of debate on what it is, we accept it as fruit and vegetable. Mexico may enjoy fifteen minutes of fame later today but, will be forgotten by tomorrow. Avacados have no connection to the NFL. As a matter of fact, linking it to football is plain silly because what Americans call "football", is actually "soccer" south of the border...
• The "1 second commercial" - Watch for Miller Brewing Company to "cash in" on a new idea here... TiVo the game to see their one second ad for beer. If you happen to yawn, burp, cough, sneeze, or fart, you will miss it. Regardless of how stupid a few spoken words may be, and even if you do happen to miss it, look for whatever is said today to appear on merchandise tomorrow. T-shirts, hats, and key chains to name a few. Brilliant idea? We'll find out soon enough.
• Half-Time Entertainment - When you talk "Patriotism", the first name you'll come across is Bruce Springsteen. I would imagine he'll be cheering for Pittsburgh due to it's hard working, hard living, "coal miner" population. He would have shown up sooner however, Borack Obama wasn't President yet and he didn't have anything worthwhile to promote. There will be lots of hype over his new release, "Working on a Dream". If you enjoy the tunes and wish to "kick it" with The Boss, pull out the charge card afterwards and shell out the ten bucks to download it off iTunes. You may also download this CD absolutely free from a certain website like I did and you'll realize that although he tries hard to get back to his "glory days", as long as his wife is around to contribute ideas for songs, he's just an "Average Joe" with a few radio friendly songs. Either before or after Bruce sings, you can enjoy yet another attempt by a studio to bring 3-D animation to a 2-D television screen. You can get the cheezy red and blue lenses for free at various places and use them again tomorrow for a special episode of "Ed". This will be typical of all previous attempts to make the TV come to life. When watching soething on television with blue and red glasses, you will not see 3-D. You will however, be viewing television with funky colors.
• A LONG game - Finally, let's see how long four quarters 15 minutes each will take to play. All things considered, this will clock in at about five hours from start to finish. It's a good thing that NBC has nothing noteworthy in their Sunday lineup that will be missed. I say again, although I am for an Arizona win, Steelers will end up with the game 20-17. Don't bet on it though!

"Blago's Balls Busted!"

Citizen Blag-oy-a-bitch

Alas, the circus that has surrounded Illinois politics has finally come to an end with the historic impeachment of our Governor and I for one, couldn't be more pleased!

The one thing that "gets my goat" is the change in opinion coming from Illinoisians who had originally damned "Blago" into eternal hell. All of a sudden, a whopping 42% of Illinoisians feel some kind of sympathy for the guy! Nevermind the local news poll votes tallied by text message votes, the Illinois Senate numbers are all that matter as the final vote came to 59-0 in favor of impeachment. So, with "Blago" now a bonafide "citizen", one might wonder what he'll do next as far as work. I'll go on record to suggest that by means of his publicist, Rod is in financially good shape for a while. His public relations campaign will no doubt result in lucrative offers already being discussed, such as: book and movie deals, TV and Radio talk shows, and perhaps a "walk on" couple of minutes at the beginning of Saturday Night Live. When the money finally does stop coming in, it's important to be honest before posting your information on Monster.com. Blago may need your help to make certain that nothing is "taken out of context" as was the case with his audio tapes. In a TSP EXCLUSIVE, we have access to Rod's account and in coming days as the resume gets posted, we hope to break it down and clarify any tarnished information. Draft #1 is already complete and will appear posted this weekend, right here!