"Quiet Please...These people are talking!"

People have been talking quite a bit this week and it's only Tuesday. Maureen McCormick, Cloris Leachman, and John McCain are either selling a book, selling a television show, or perhaps even selling one's soul as promotional rocket fuel to make money or win the crowd over. Within the past day, a number of items have caught my attention leaving me to wonder, is this stuff for real?? I start with C-Span last night.

• C-Span is that cable network that people tune to when they're searching for the best way to go to sleep at night. This channel is to politics what ESPN is to sports. The difference is, on one of ESPN's channels you can watch a Lakers game from 1991 while over at C-Span, you can watch an old debate between Ronald Reagan and Jimmy Carter. Last night they chose to air a clip from earlier in the day where "Maverick" John McCain was leading one of his own pep rallys. Maybe you caught this on the news. If you didn't, a woman in the audience stood up to ask a question that McCain quickly interrupted. This was about Obama. The lady asked the Senator how it's possible that Obama (an "A0-A-RAB") is able to run for President after what happened with 9/11. McCain took the mic from her and set her straight. He pointed out that Obama is not an "A-RAB" but an American from a mixed family. You either wanted to stand up and cheer for McCain, or question who came up with the idea to plant someone in the audience to say such a thing. "No one stoops that low" he told the lady. If there are undecided voters like this who don't know anything about either guy in the running by now, please stay home on Election Day!
• "There's still one left to go" when it comes to former cast members of The Brady Bunch telling all the secrets about the show that we never expected to hear. This year, it's the ex Marcia Brady who is now making her rounds on talk shows to "spill the beans" about all the behind the scenes shenanigans that happened. The only cast member who didn't speak out yet is Ann B. Davis aka "Alice". She has written a few books however, none of them ever bring up her role on the television show. Now seriously, is anyone surprised by hearing all the stories of yet another former child star, a product of the late 1960's early 70's having some problem with pot, cocaine, heroin, or LSD? I guess the shocker is that of all people, Maureen is the last one you'd expect to be strung out...if it really happened. After hearing all the things that supposedly happened on the this show as well as others, it's amazing that there was anyone sober enough to let these shows go on to be as successful as they were. You'd automatically assume the whole Brady group spent those few years asleep in their dressing room "too sick" to film anything. I can imagine Executive Producer, Sherwood Schwartz going into everyone's room and poking them with the end of a broomstick to wake up. When a book comes out from Ann B. Davis about her alcoholism and sex addiction, I'll buy that book! This stuff is just a lot of hot air.
• A lot of folks take Dancing With The Stars too seriously. They even have the odds posted in Vegas about who will win and who won't. There are countless blogs, news items, television tabloid shows all working hard to cover this, in my opinion, "snoozefest". TV Guide is one of those publications that like to give the hit ABC show a lot of attention. This season, it's all about Cloris Leachman. This old lady who won Emmy's for her work on The Mary Tyler Moore show and for the younger folks, The Facts of Life (as Mrs. Garrett's sister before it "jumped the shark") has got quite the reputation for having a filthy mouth. According to "Insiders", meaning, "people who will never be identified", someone always walks out of there saying, "I can't believe she did that or said that!" You want to know something? You won't see her get the boot until there's her and one other person left. The show is enjoying it's highest rating ever because she's so unpredictable. If they cut her loose now, who will watch? They can talk to the press all they want and say she's chemically imbalanced however, she's not going anywhere yet. If you're one of those who have the show on your speed dial to vote every week, you're wasting a phone call. Get real! The filthier her mouth gets, the easier the execs at ABC can get to sleep. Just like politics in this case, your vote will not be counted!

"AMERICA: Thanks for nothing, Chris!"

When the rooster crowed this morning at the crack of dawn, I rolled over and went back to sleep. For starters, I despise Mondays and usually get them started when half the day ia already over! Just before lunchtime rolled around, I stepped outside to get today's paper and bring in the mail when all of a sudden my neighbor greeted me and wished me a "Happy Holiday" and informed me that there is no mail delivery today. I just said, "Thanks" and came back inside a little confused by what she said when all of a sudden I realized, that it is indeed Columbas Day. When you grow up and finish school, these dates that were once something to look forward to are suddenly meaningless. All this meant to me today was that now that there's no mail, I now had an extra hour of free time that is usually marked for paying bills. When you're a kid, the very second that school starts in September, these holidays are quickly memorized. As you get older and make it through high school and college, we get slowly "weened off" relying on these little dates the same way rehab works to get someone off of Vicodin although no one ever argues over a three day weekend. So today, we honor the great explorer Christopher Columbus. He proved the world is round and discovered America along the way. Question is, do we really want to give this guy a 24 hour honor in October? Perhaps, maybe not!

"History" often becomes tainted over time. No one at this point is willing to argue if Columbus came to America as he intended, or if it was by mistake. Your teacher back in second grade told you the order in which these "alleged" events happened and made it sound like a great idea for a future television pilot on ABC called, "Lost". Suppose things really did play out that way. I guess when Columbus and his three ships stopped in Long Osland there was nothing but open prarie and trees. A place so peaceful that you could hear a cricket chirp 100 miles in any direction. I don't think it went down that way. There absolutely were people here already. He may have "found" America however, did the folks living here even realize they were "lost" in the first place? If anything, he was the one who was lost! The Indians were doing just fine here by themselves and didn't want any attention. If you want to honor Christopher Columbus for finding us, thank him for taking Paradise and turning it into what it is today. If the earth really was flat, maybe he'd be so lost that sooner or later he'd steer the boat off the planet and we wouldn't be in the dilly of a pickle that America is in today. Well, maybe the Indians weren't too smart either. There were more of them stronger in number than the Columbus group. They should have helped him and his crew get off the boat safely, hit them over the head, marinade them in whiskey, and roast them with apples in their mouths over an open fire. Because they opened their arms wide to welcome the man, Columbus and his crew were able to return back home all wearing shirts that read "I went to America, and all I got was the whole country!" ..and before you knew it, the Indians got the shaft, lost their land, and this opened up the doors to what it is today. This is why Columbus was a probably just a generalization for all explorers of that time who would have come here sooner or later, and did just that. Don't believe everything you read or you might walk away thinking not only was Columbus the only guy on the planet that had a boat, he enjoyed it so much that he bought two more exactly like it! Thanks for nothing, Chris!

"Relax. Close your eyes. It'll be over in no time!"

I found myself getting involved in a conversation with a stranger the other day who happened to bring up all the problems that one of our two Presidential candidates will be facing after January 1st. Here was a guy in his 50's that worked his whole life for AT&T, recently retired, and dabbled a little with throwing some extra pocket change into the stock market. He, like a lot of people out there, had money in a place that he didn't really get too involved with until the recent events of the last few weeks. As it turned out, when he finally decided to look into where some of his money was going, he was shocked to learn the amount of money that had built up over the years without him knowing. $5,000 was sitting there and he didn't know what to do. Unfortunately for him, he caught an interview with CNBC Financial "Guru", Jim Cramer one morning on television and that's when the problems really started. Because he waited too long to do anything, that 5K that he knew he never had until now is gone forever. To make matters worse, this guy took a buyout for early retirement, got a year's severance pay for all his years of hard work, and is now dipping into his 401K despite all the penalties. Sure, that $5,000 would have come in handy right now BUT...he listened to some horse's ass on television who misled him and others into a big financial mess. By the way, his apologizing the following day about what he advised everyone to do ended with Cramer nearly in tears on his hands and knees in a spectacle not seen since Rev. Jimmy Swaggart's sex scandal years ago!

Have you seen John McCain on TV giving his two cents about the bind we're all in? He's a guy who believes that like all other bad things, "This too shall pass!". He may be right. Why worry now? Things will fall back into place in time and the quick fix is as simple as slapping a Band-Aid over the situation for now. As a matter of fact, the entire global economy continues to meet together to find a solution. There is one on the way however, like many welcoming offers, this also has strings attached. Considering we're half way there, we may as well embrace it, accept it, and see what happens in the end. Even though most of us know the ending already. This is the beginning of a New World Order. A plan detailed in The Bible. All religions seem to be on the same page when they suggest that The Bible is a blueprint however, it can be altered in a way that has positive results. Only we can change it to actually work that way. In this case, the N.W.O. has nothing to do with WCW Monday Nitro of years ago. This is serious business and the ball has already started rolling.. This of course, is all unchartered territory. While world leaders converge and look for a way to right this wrong, it's clear that what happened in The United States has leaked into the rest of the world. The solution? The world has to pull together and press the reset button and reboot. In the end, the only solution is a global monetary system.

Get rid of Euro's, Dollars, Pesos and start from scratch. Call it what you want, but make a dollar worth a dollar everywhere in the world that accepts money. If you pay $4 a gallon for gas here, make it the same in the U.K., China, Australia..everywhere. How about $2 for a gallon of milk worldwide? A fixed mortgage rate so everyone can afford a home?! The Bible suggests that getting to this point will result in a storm that rains toads and hot hail and leads to our final days here on earth. Now, my question to you on this Sunday is: Who is going to interrupt the meeting and stop the events from taking place? Well, sorry folks. Not me. I can't afford the plane ticket to get to that meeting anyway. I guess we all have to wait this thing out?!!

Basic Math

(1) Sir Elton John + (1) Billy Corgan = (1) President of North Korea. Congratulations! You're off the United States' Most Wanted Terrorists Database!