"Alzheimer's and MTV, cold pizza, and the election postponed?"

MTV has Alzheimer's. It's true. At only 25 years old, the once 24 hour video music channel is having a memory lapse when it comes to the Britney Spears fiasco of last year. This was when Britney appeared on live television at the 2007 VMA's in a stupor which shocked fans and MTV Execs alike. As she stumbled across the stage forgetting the lyrics to her songs, everyone ended up grabbing their heads. Britney had a meltdown on MTV and as a result, MTV punished her by saying she was no onger allowed at the event. What happened? In today's newspaper Ms. Spears is seen at last nights awards accepting armfuls of trophies under a headline that reads, "Britney cleans up at MTV!" And it was obvious that the events of last year seem to have been forgotten that quickly. First of all, what business does MTV have hosting a video award show anyway? The cable network hasn't played a music video since sometime around 1990. The only place to see any of these videos nowadays is on YouTube and Britney? That's another story in itself. I was totally unaware that in between all of her ups and downs over the last year she managed to somehow squeeze a new CD in. I don't know how she did it with such a full plate. Between going cuckoo a few times, fighting in court over her kids, and numerous auto accidents, being the "Super Trooper" that she is, she made MTV beg to take her back and they did. Besides, who else was available? The music industry is in dire need of help so, maybe Britney was the one doing MTV the favor instead of the other way around! See, even MTV forgives and forgets!

A parked semi trailer full of pizza bread that nobody will notice... or so you may think! Give it up for a truck driver from Gary, Indiana who took on the tough task of a long distance haul from ConAgra Foods in Chicago. It really wasn't that difficult to start. Just a semi trailer of Stouffer's frozen pizza bread to ship from Chicago to Utah however, a monkey wrench got thrown in right away when the refrigeration unit onboard broke down before the trip began. Afraid to back out of his travel plans, he called his boss to report the contents of the truck stolen and the insurance company put a value of $45K on the cargo. Not sure what to do next, the trucker parks his rig and attempted to turn lemons into lemonade by selling the frozen snacks off the back of the truck. In the end, one person was the most excited of all the customers and yes, it was a cop. Sometimes you really are in better shape if you call Domino's!

The 2008 election got stopped dead in it's tracks before many people voted and so far, not one candidate has been picked as a winner. Don't worry, this isn't the "Big One" with Obama and McCain that's a mess *although, that is too), this is the great promotional gimmick thought up by Pepsi's Mountain Dew brand to increase voter awareness for a new flavor of soda pop. It seems as though all the fizzle ran out before the results came in. Three new flavors of Mountain Dew were introduced in late Spring which also came in colors of red, white, and blue. The idea was, you purchase these for a limited time and then call them or visit their website to vote on which one should stick around for a while. As is often the case with new products, the interest in such a thing wasn't exactly on the mind of consumers. Apparently, the race is still on however, I'm not sure. Mountain Dew is what it is and that's that although, I must admit I like the blue raspberry flavor quite a bit. I hope it stays, but I doubt it. Every so often soda pop manufacturers feel the need to tweak one of their best sellers by adding something to the flavor or putting it in a collectable can or bottle. The last time this happened with Mountain Dew was almost exactly two years ago when the limited edition "Pitch Black" soda was introduced to store shelves in time for Halloween. I purchased a twelve pack and wasn't too impressed. For one thing, it wasn't really black but instead, was dark blue. I didn't know what it tasted like or what it should taste like, which is probably why this new annual tradition only came around once. All that remained after it baecame extinct was a bunch of Bloggers like me who wrote about what was left behind in the toilet... blue poop. For this ad campaign a lucky name was to be drawn to win tickets to meet Dale Earnhardt Jr. at a NASCAR event. Maybe it's his questionable racing season or the soda itself that kept people from casting their ballot, or maybe just like with Obama and McCain, it doesn't matter who you vote for because your pick will never end up winning anyway!

"Collectables that reserve you a spot in Hell"

This week marks the 7th Anniversary of the terrorist attack on The United States. While it will always be a day that is fresh in the memory of all Americans, there are already a number of people willing to cash in on the disaster. Although some comedians and filmakers have no problem making 9/11 humor possible these days, there really isn't anything funny about it, What's more, what do you call the people who search some of these odds and ends out in catalogs and on the Internet? A "History Buff" or a "Sick Son of a Bitch"? I'm writing about this because it's a rather peculiar hobby to collect these "knick-knacks" but these are products that were (thank goodness) pulled off of shelves however, a few items are still available today. I'm not by any means promoting the sale of any of these things and as a matter of fact, am not even telling you where you can find them because they are just THAT bad in taste!

• The World Trade Center Anniversary candle - I couldn't believe what I was seeing here! A replica of the twin towers made from candle wax. This was created as part of a "thanks for donating" campaign used to raise money for the families of victims killed on September 11th. As every year passes, you are supposed to light the candle and take a moment of silence to remember those who died on that die. Like a birthday candle, a floor of the building is to be burned down every year until the end where inside there is a "surprise" bonus collectable to be found when the wax melts. The BBB had received lots of complaints almost immediately about the poor judgement of the manufacturer and it was pulled off shelves.
• The Aroma Therapy 9/11 Commemorative Candle - This was another item that sold new and had a very short retail life. Can you imagine this? A black candle with a photo on front of the towers on fire! This candle promises to fill the air with "The aroma of the smoke from the fires...on that fateful day". Whoever bought one of these things during their time on sale must also enjoy killing of small animals too! If there's any possibility of relaxing at the end of the day with a candle that emits an odor of melted steel, jet fuel, and bodies burning, please let me know. Perhaps I'm missing something.
• The Two Dollar Commemorative 9/11 bill. (real legal tender) - Remember these guys? The $2 bill? I must admit, I have a number of these things stashed away from when the U.S. Treasury Department quit printing them years ago. Now, I can't admit to having any of these 9/11 bills in my safe box. When they quit making the real ones that circulated and featured the signing of the Declaration of Independence on the back side, this paper money was quickly forgotten until now. The surviving two dollar proofs from way back when were kept locked away for the future. Now, someone recently thought it would be a good idea to make a few changes on the proofs and reprint the real money that feature the WTC on 9/11. Believe it or not, our government gave these bills their seal of approval and they are considered legal tender. In other words, as is the case with all the other coins and money no longer made, if times get really that bad, you can buy gas to fill up your car or bet on the horses at the track...whatever?! What can I say? When was the last time you tried to get rid of a Susan B. Anthony dollar or the Sachagowea(?) gold dollar from a few years ago? The Post Office still loves to accept these things but not me. Getting change from a twenty dollar bill back that includes any of these old treasures is nothing more than a curse because I can never find a dummy to dump them on after me!
• The Silver 9/11 Twenty Dollar bill - Timing is everything as this collectable recognizes the 7th Anniversary of 9/11 happening this Thursday. This is not legal tender however, it is a good conversation piece the ad suggests. How much would you pay for a $20 bill ,ade of silver with imprints of images from 9/11? If you call now and take advantage of this offer it will be only $20 however, if you dilly dally around and wait until next week, the price goes back up to $39.95 so act now. Every one made comes with a certificate of authenticity and a number for collectors. Of course, don't try to spend this at the grocery store...if you get past the hard part of sqeezing it into your wallet in your back pocket, you'll be sure to get laughed out of the store at the checkout lane.
• Historic Buildings Destroyed! (gold plated, scale model replicas) You're absolutely right to think this is crazy. This was an idea based on the success of some of those advertisements you see in the Sunday newspaper for NFL collectable ornaments, train sets, etc... The whole idea is that you purchase one of these model buildings at half price, and from then on for the next year, they'll send you a different building to add to your collection each month. All the buildings in the set are modeled after architectre destroyed by natural events or people. For example, besides the WTC, you'll get to enjoy The Pentagon, Oklahoma City Bombing among others. Don't try and become a member of this club because it was shut down years ago, and besides, anyone displaying these things in their home is just crying out that they need some help!
  
  
  
  

"The joke is on WHO?" and "Oh deer, it's The Nuge"

"What's the deal with Bill Gates, Jerry Seinfeld, and Microsoft? Didn't Bill retire? Didn't Jerry retire? What are they doing together in a commercial for Microsoft when it isn't even funny? Is it supposed to be? WHAT'S THE DEAL?!!? By now you've all probably seen the new ad for Microsoft featuring these two knuckleheads...I've seen it three times and at the end of 60 seconds, all I can say is, "What was that?" I knew that Seinfeld just signed a very lucrative deal with the computer giant, but I don't know what I was expecting to see. At least his credit card commercial from last year's Super Bowl had a little zing to it, but this? What's the pitch? Why are these two in cahoots, and what are they selling me? Believe it or not, I had to take all my inquiries to Google to find an answer. Now for those of you who want the answer, it is an ad for all of Microsoft however, the emphesis is on Windows Vista here. Vista is advertised as the next big thing in computing since it debuted late last year. If you're like me and still have Windows XP, you are now left in the dark if you need help with the software as it is getting phased out. If you recall, right before 2000 Microsoft was introducing us to XP and stressed how necessary it is to get it. For nearly six months before New Year's, my outdoor mailbox was getting bombarded on a weekly basis with software updates for XP on CD. After that, it was one glitch after another and Microsoft promised it would get better and easier so, far the last eight years they've given us three "service packs" to fix all the bugs. In many cases, these fixes screwed up your pc even more. After all that trouble, Microsoft basically says that XP was junk and we need to go with Vista. Well, it looks like now we don't have a choice anymore. Is this where the joke is in the commercials? To put it another way, Bill Gates isn't funny at all and Jerry Seinfeld as "serious"? Give me a break! As the business sections of newspapers nationwide stated this week, if Seinfeld's commercial was any indication of how funny a sitcom would be, he would have never had one in the first place. I agree!

Here's another unlikely duo... and you're right, it is unlikely to ever happen: Ted Nugent supporting Sarah Palin. Rock legend Ted Nugent has a large catalog of hits going back 40 years or so. Lately, Ted has turned a former lifestyle of partying into activism for both nature and politics alike. Nugent occasionally stops in to the studios at CNN to throw in his two cents on what's going on in the world and how he would kick it into gear if he had any position to do so. He's an outdoorsman who lives off the land and a lifelong member of the N.R.A. and has lobbied for years to make owning firearms legal, for hunting of course. Nugent eats anything out of the wilderness that has a circulatory system and a heartbeat. So does Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin. You would imagine these two sitting down over a dinner of buffalo burgers, venison chili, and a cold glass of grizzly bear blood. "Not so", according to Nugent, who flew off the handle the other night when asked if Mcain and Palin should expect his vote in November. All Ted could do was grab and shake his head in disgust. "We're not the same" he said, and then went on to explain the difference between the two adding that Palin often comparing a hunter to a politician is dead wrong. "When you hunt for everything you eat, you're sense of smell is important. After a while you can sniff out the good blood and the bad blood. In Washington you can't smell a thing." He's right. Maybe she's one of these "Mavericks" who never kill the animal but happily pose for a picture standing next to the carcass "as if to tell us..." According to Nugent, all of America needs a refresher course in The Constitution as well as a trip back some 200 years ago when life was simpler and all about "every man for himself". Which is why he said if you happen to step over all of his "no tresspassing signs around the perimeter of his property, he won't think twice about blowing the intruder's ass off. Now that's nice!