"Setting Oprah Free"

Chicago may love the idea of having the "Queen of all Media" as a permanent houseguest but I for one, am ready to rent a U-Haul and send her packing ANYWHERE ELSE but here! She's long overstayed her welcome in The Windy City and is probably one of the few reasons that AT&T invented "caller ID" -You can see if it's her before you pick up the phone to talk.

When Oprah arrived here in Chicago over two decades ago, she inherited a low rated, local, morning talk show on it's last legs and was taped daily at 190 N. Michigan Ave. Over the course of a few years, Ms. Winfrey managed to swing the format around to target busy housewives and before long, this show was rolling out in syndication across the U.S.A. good for her! Problem is, somewhere in between her rise to stardom, Chicago grew too fond of her. The talk show wasn't enough. It started with her own production studio and like a deadly virus, has spread out to what the "Oprah Empire" is today: Radio, TV, books, movies, Dr. Phil, and so on and so on. It's good to be a success as long as it doesn't get shoved in my face everyday. This year has pushed Oprah's name a bit too far over the edge and quite frankly, enough is enough! One can't make it through a whole day without hearing about this woman, what she's done, who she's met, and what she has to say. I'm almost certain it's much easier to break into The White House than it is to get through the front door of Harpo Studios. Having said that folks, Monday is the big day for Oprah as her show makes it's "season premiere"...

Don't expect any big changes to the show with the exception of Oprah herself. She returns do do it all over again and get herself drunk with even more power than years past. Oprah will get to schmooze all her guests and act as if she really gives a darn that they're making a name for themselves. Behind the scenes, her staff does all the research and "poking around" for her and writes all these tidbits on index cards in shorthand. In reality, all that Oprah is worried about is booking a guest to bust their balls and put the spotlight back on her. Afterall, for the past month in Chicago, Oprah is the news... she manages to finagle her way into almost every local newscast as if her opinion really matters. On Monday, Oprah welcomes some winners of the Olympic gold and finishes the hour chatting it up with swimmer Michael Phelps. She'll laugh with him and may even cry with him as he tells of his long journey to Beijing.. Oprah may even put on one of those new Speedo wetsuits and have Phelps push her into the shallow end of a swimming pool for a race of a lap or two. As it is in real life, Oprah is afraid of the water so don't believe what you may see. We'll also be seeing more of "Oprah the Politician" this year too as she plays more video clips of her and good friend Borack Obama taking a stroll through Grant Park and enjoying the moment. If Obama should win in November, keep in mind that he couldn't have gotten there without Oprah's help. She was as big a help to his campaign as the indicted Tony Rezko was! Again we'll see Oprah laugh with Obama and weep like a child. God help us all if this becomes a stepping stone for Oprah to venture into politics!

I think I speak for many who agree that Oprah should pack up all her crap including all her books, movies, Pontiac G6's, and the whole kit and kaboodle and plant herself in a new place where she can shock and awe a community of people who never get to see a big star like her...say, Idaho?!!

"Two for Tuesday" as two stars drop dead!

The Grim Reaper was working overtime today as he made a surprise visit to the homes of two of Hollywood's finest. This post is dedicated to them and their legacy that they left behind. Don't recognize them? You're not alone. Here's the "Cliff Notes" on both men:

• Jerry Reed- Died today at 71 years of age. Reed was a "good ol' boy" from the sticks when he picked up his guitar and headed to the big town called Nashville. His career was slow to take off the ground and soon enough he fell victim to the familiar lure of other entertainers by drowning his sorrows in drugs and alcohol. He was eventually discovered and given a record contract however, with all his ups and downs in his personal life, Reed's career was forced to be put on hold several times while he "dried out" from years of self medication. By the mid to late 1960's, Reed had attempted another comeback. Instead of trying to copy the style of many of his influences, Jerry's new approach to the music business would be "novelty songs". A "novelty song" is written as a form of expressing comedy without the hassle of doing stand-up. You see, initially Reed was stagefright. A few hits managed to hit the airwaves. One was titled, "when you're hot, you're hot" and the other was "My baby got the goldmine and I got the shaft". Not too long afterwards, a new opportunity came up for Reed in the form of a television variety show called, Hee Haw where he would appear frequently as a guest and strum along with Roy Clark and Buck Owens. Reed had a gawky look and often appeared haggard however, his appearances were a hit. Not long after this, the damn Hee Haw Donkey convinced Reed to add acting to his resume. Most of his film appearances were left on the cutting room floor but, he did manage to land a few supporting roles. In 1976 he was cast as "The Snowman" alongside Burt Reynolds for a film called Smokey and The Bandit. Sally field and the late, great, Jackie Gleason were also on board for the project that became a hit. In it, Reed portrayed a trucker assisting the Reynolds character "Smokey" in bootlegging a truckload of Coors Beer for a father/son bet with time constraints. Due to the movies success, a sequel was made two years later. This time the gang had to transport an elephant cross country. Then came part III. Perhaps one of the worst movies ever made, Reynolds refused to reprise his role and script was quickly re-written to accomodate Reed in the title role as "Smokey". This could also be where the phrase "jump the shark" was first coined as the premise of the movie was for Reed to transport a fiberglass shark on the roof of his Trans Am across the country. The movie studio was so ashamed of the final cut, that one week after opening up on theaters, all movie promotions and posters were brought rounded up and destroyed. If you're lucky enough to find one of these posters at a flea market, you might want to buy it. It's worth exceeds nearly $80,000, which is nearly three times more than the movie grossed! Someone showed Jerry Reed the wrong way to get to Hollywood. It isn't a good idea to fo through Nashville, and more importantly, don't ever put your future in the hands of a jackass who in this case, turned out to be a donkey from Hee Haw. They don't make for being a good agent.
• Don LaFontaine- Hollywood's "King of Voiceovers" died at 68. You wouldn't have recognized him on the street however, you heard his voice everyday in commercials on tv and the radio advertising all the latest Hollywood flicks. His deep voice will always be remembered by millions everywhere thanks, in part, to a lifelong commitment to "Lucky Strikes" cigarettes and black coffee. He got into the business by a fluke in the late 1960's while working at a recording studio and substituting for a voiceover talent who never showed up for work. The end result? A permanent position as one of the most recognizeable voices in the movie business. His quick synopsis of a movie preview clocked in at sixty seconds however, he could turn a box office flop into a moneymaker. (Where was he when Jerry Reed needed him?). Too shy and nervous to appear on screen in any capacity, Don broke his own rule when approached by insurance company, Geico in 2006 to appear in a series of commercials in person. These would be Don's only appearence on celluloid and commercials are still airing today. In an early 2007 interview, the Geico lizard spoke about working with Don and how it is much more difficult to change a person's voice than it is to change colors saying, "I had to go through a difficult time in my career because when I broke into this business I originally had a different voice. Being coompared too much to Kelsey Grammer, the Geico folks told me to speak like "Crocodile Dundee" and move ahead as if nobody would ever notice!". Don's wonderful time in Hollywood will more than likely earn him a star one day on Hollywood Boulevard. In the meantime though, rest assured, his voice will live on forever. Don's funeral will be on Friday night at 6:45, 7:15, 8:10, 10:30, and midnight.

"Rock You Like a Hurricane"

Plenty enough blame to go around in the wake of Hurricane Gustav! Sure, we all knew it was just a matter of time before another deadly hurricane would strike the vulnerable State of Louisiana. This time, the prep work would go according to the text books that FEMA left behind after Hurricane Katrina three years ago. The Weather Channel and others were all in agreement that Katrina would pale in comparison to this storm and was was even labeled to be the "Mother of all hurricanes". People were scared, and the majority of them heeding the warnings to leave the area. Some 12 hours after hitting land, Gustov turned out to be a dud. Perhaps New Orleans got lucky this time however, now is the time that someone will ne forced to take the blame for "overreacting" to the storm and forcing people to leave when it was unnecessary. All this comes while the aftermath of Katrina still remains today.

This time around it's safe to say that anyone that was left behind was warned in advance not to stay. Still, seven people were killed because they hated to leave their lifelong homes. There shouldn't be any conspiracy theories like the last time either. No reports of The National Guard purposely passing by stranded African Americans to rescue a white family instead. No stories of people calling 911 for help and being asked by the operator if they're "black or white", and no stories from women claiming that rescuers would help them only if the agreed to sexual favors afterwards. Still mistakes were made along the way, and I thought I'd point out a few to add to the books before the next one hits. Maybe we can all learn something...

• Geraldo Rivera- The Fox News Heavyweight's reputation got tarnished again. Imagine if you're Geraldo sitting at home trying to enjoy the holiday weekend when the network calls and tells you to go right to the airport and report on this "major" hurricane. Geraldo doesn't think twice, He packs his underwear and off he goes to "The Crescent City" only to get rained on while flagging down a person running to their car for cover in the parking lot of a Super 8 motel. Nobody ever said a multi-million dollar a year contract with Rupert Murdoch would be easy however, this blunder on Fox's behalf ended up costing a lot of money and ranks up there with "Al Capone's Vault". Obviously, nobody at Fox watches The Weather Channel or they would have let the icon stay in his lawn chair at his L.A. mansion. Geraldo got dissed, and ought to be pissed!
• The Mayor of New Orleans- He talked a tough game this week warning his residents that they were on their own this time if they decide to stay. The majority left. Instead of driving in the opposite direction however, all the traffic was routed West to Houston causing miles and miles of stranded motorists. To make things easier, Louisiana State Police reversed all the traffic flow coming into the state and made all open highways feed traffic outbound. Many people ran out of gas along the way. It's kind of hard to tell where the next exit is when you're going the wrong way on a highway and can't turn off. Makeshift gasoline stations were set up to remedy the problem but, there were several fatalities as a result of this strategy.
• The "Big Finale" that never happened. If they make this into a movie one day, perhaps O.J. Simpson will finally get to do some acting again. The whole event gets "one star" as far as I'm concerned. A few barges full of oil were said to have been bouncing loose through the choppy waters. Fox and CNN kept warning of the disaster that would result if one were to capsize and spill into the drinking water reserve. All of a sudden, without any explanation, the subject was dropped and never mentioned again. Dit it in fact happen, or was it simply some reporter at fault?
• The Republican National Convention in Miinnesota. John McCain needs to start going to church again and maybe his luck will get better. Already having trouble following Obama's big successful speech from last week, the hurricane has put a damper on the glitz and glamour and left hotels virtually empty. Delegates were a "no show" for the the first afternoon and those that were there were being grilled by the media as to what in the world they're doing there in the first plave when there's a natural disaster happening. To add insult to injury, Sarah Palin had to end rumors of her 17 year old daughter being pregnant on the same day leaving supporters skeptical about how she may be able to run things in Washington when she can't even monitor what's going on in her house?!
• Jerry Lewis' MDA Telethon- It still went on as planned although the guest list was shortened considerably. He began the 43rd edition of this yearly staple by offering words of encouragement to those in the path of the coming storm and without taking a breath, reminded those people that they can still donate the little bit of money they had left "even if it's a dollar, it'll help us" he said. Talk about bad timing. Somewhere someone was listening because the surviving half of "Martin and Lewis" broke a record for money raised at the end. Recession? It may be over or people realize that this is it and "you can't take it with you".
• Retailers and Grocers- They all expected the worst too. For once, they ordered a surplus of items to keep shelves stocked. As a result, all the Home Depots and supermarkets are left with an enormous amount of plywood and food with expiration dates on them. When everyone leaves town, there's no need to do any shopping. "Extreme Makeover" can cancel it's plans to have a season of rebuilding homes in New Orleans. In another bad call, whether it be accidental or on purpose, ABC Television aired a rerun of a Katrina badly damaged home on the eve of Hurricane Gustav putting fear into everyone and making them reconsider staying at home and riding the storm out.

Now that everyone got chased away for nothing, it's time to turn around and come back home. This is the biggest farce of them all! A case of "chicken little" claiming the sky is falling. The storm turning course now leaves people wondering why they had to leave and plants the groundwork for ignoring threats the next time. That thing is called "Hannah".

A Free Gift For You!

Labor Day is here! Because you work hard all week, it's time to play hard!

Enjoy the holiday weekend with our Angry Angus Burger. In this case it would be appropriate to advise you not to "eat and drive"!