"Lucy, a Rolling Stone, and there really is a reason to fear!"

• Let's get this business started. Do you know who celebrates a birthday today? Lucille Ball. She would have been 96 today...if she were still alive. That's where I come in. Two television newscasts were talking about Lucy in the present tense as if she's still active and playing Vegas. She died around 1990-91. We rely on TV news for everything. If they don't realize that Lucy has been dead for so many years, it makes me wonder what's going on in Iraq.

Next up in line is a story about lines. A rumor surfaced a few years back about Keith Richards of Rolling Stones fame that suggested a cocaine binge ended on somewhat of a silly note. The story was that Richards sat down with cocaine on one side and his father's ashes on the other side. Over the course of the evening Richards and pals broke open the urn and started snorting dad. This has long been an "urban legend" however, this was confirmed today online by Richards who fessed up and said it's true. Take it for what it's worth.

Finally, I want to thank Disney for f'n up a good thing with Underdog. If you're going to tinker with a classic cartoon like this and you obviously own it now, why in the hell would you make this a "live action" flick? Don't expect to make money or break even from this disaster.

"70's revisited? Am I still stoned, or is this 2007?"

Let's give a hoot and a holler to Led Zeppelin for getting together and deciding to go on tour again since 1980. If things work out as planned, these guys may follow things up with some new material for a new record. So why now, after all these years since drummer John Bonham died is it necessary to get together for a trip through time? Robert Plant and Jimmy Page have their own things going that are somewhat successful. John Paul Jones does his best work right now behind the scenes as a producer. This reunion was said to have taken place 15 years ago with Jason Bonham filling in for Dad on the sticks. Zeppelin ain't Zeppelin without all the originals. Maybe they can dig up John Bonham's grave and bring his skeletal remains on tour behind the drum kit. Put a cigarette in his mouth and a bottle of Jack Daniels in his hand and there's Zeppelin. Case closed.

Here's another story worth looking at...The Eagles. This is another group that has been hemming and hawing whether or not to call it quits, all the way through their reunion tour a few years back. This story has more twists and turns than the Santa Monica Freeway. As it is, the boys in the band are supposed to be hitting the studio for a new album of originals. Keep in mind that a few months ago Pink Floyd and Van Halen announced new records and a tour to follow. Since then, all talk has since vanished into thin air. This will most likely "be continued".

Sick Rockers, Getting Wasted, AND shootin' hoop with Ducktape and rope!

• I start today on a rather "down" note regarding the current obsticales placed in front of Mr. Paul Stanley and Ozzy Osbourne healthwise. Sure, these guys may want to "Rock until they drop", but old age is a knock, knock, knocking at their chamber door.
  
  

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  Paul Stanley of KISS fame had to be hauled away by EMS from a concert the other night due to a racing heart. In fact, the heartbeat was off the charts. Meanwhile, not one to upset the fans, Gene Simmons took over on vocals and closed out the show. Obviously Gene wasn't too worried. Think what you want about these guys...while others are getting DUI's, busted for drugs and other stuff, the only sin that Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley ever took part in was an addiction to sex AND nope, nothing wrong with that. We wish Paul a speedy recovery...time for a new record too, isn't it?
• OZZY is on the sicklist too. After having trouble walking onstage at his annual "Ozzfest", he was rushed to the local hospital where it was discovered he had a blood clot in his leg which was taken care of right away. He's due to resume headlining the tour as soon as tonight. Sharon Osbourne is keeping this information under wraps. When this happened with Ozzy performing, nobody could tell there was a problem with the guy. He was talking crazy, acting silly, and missed some of the lyrics. At this point, no concertgoers know if Ozzy is drunk or in some kind of pain. Yeah, you get well too Oz!
• If I had a few million to throw away foolishly, I'd write a check to NASA. It sounds like their partying is literally out of this world! I don't know what's going on there however, two shuttles were lost in flight. Maybe a conspiracy theory but, isn't it time to re-open the files on these two things and put mechanical failure aside?
• Here's a lesson for New York Knicks' Eddy Curry. The former Thornwood Thunderbird and Chicago Bull star painted a dark picture of his experience while at his Burr Ridge home the other night. Some burglers managed to bust into his home and tie up him, his wife, and driver with Duck Tape and rope. While all this was going on, one of the suspects went through the house searching for money, jewelry, and other valuables. Something isn't right about this. Details are being kept under lock and key as NBA Investigators try and slice and dice how this happened. This is typical of someone like Eddy who sees a check from the NBA with a lot of zeroes and flashes around all the cash. Congrats Eddy! Maybe when the salesman from ADT alarms goes door to door in your neck of the woods, open up the door and have a listen to his salespitch.

"These two need a whack in the ass and a slap in the face!"

It's a doggone dirty shame that Bing Crosby and Michael Landon are no longer with us. These guys may have come across as two religious people...Afterall, their TV and movie roles always taught us a moral lesson. Truth is, when the day was over, these two "Holy Rollers" would go home and everyone in the house would be left to walk on eggshells. Why? If one of the kids did something wrong, Bing and Michael would take off the belt and beat the hell out of them. That's what Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan need. They just ended their careers. Call it "Career Suicide" or whatever you want, but the only booking these two are going to get from now on is pornos or performing at State Fairs between the goats, cows, and pigs. What's the deal???

• First up is Britney. Her rather bizarre behavior landed her in rehab once already shortly after she shaved her head bald. After an extended stay in rehab, Britney walked away clean. That is, until she recently sat down with a magazine for an interview and photo shoot and was said to be "out of it". In addition to that, Britney demanded buffalo wings before the photo shoot. Wearing a VERY expensive dress, Britney used it as if it were a napkin wiping hands and face all over the front. The interview was said to be so off the wall, they could only save a little bit. Publishers struggled with deciding to publish this stuff however, they decided to move ahead and release it this Friday saying it is a "cry for help". Back to rehab she goes...
• Now, how about this Lindsay Lohan character? It was only a week ago that she turned 21 and went out for her birthday fresh out of rehab for the 2nd time and wearing an ankle bracelet that detects alcohol. Mysteriously, Lohan's ankle bracelet got lost long enough for a Monday night party of booze, crystal meth, and cocaine. So, Lohan turned "21" and is again entering rehab for the 3rd time. Meanwhile, her parents are confused as to how this happened. Hmmm...Bad parenting? Maybe the whole family ought to go to jail!