"Look Out! Number 5 is Arriving Soon!"

***Season 5 is on the way!"

Send your questions, comments and criticism to the address on the right of your screen, and remember to periodically check in for the latest updates. Think of this place as all the wire services in one place. The only thing is, I'm not kissing anyone's ass!

Tammy Faye's trip to heaven: "All systems Go!"

A Squealing Pig WORLDWIDE 4.0 EXCLUSIVE! Let this be a lesson to those who use religion as a way to collect money for their own benefit. When Jim and Tammy Faye Baker got caught by the nuts pocketing money, he went to prison and Tammy got cancer. Too bad ventriloquist Wayland Flowers passed on years ago. "Madame" was retired from Hollywood Squares and the $25,000 Pyramid in the early 1990's. Tammy Faye and Madame are two broads that could have been twins at birth. "Madame" however, was the better looking of the two. So, what to do when you're knocking on death's door? Pay a visit to Larry King Live on CNN. 65lbs with teeth and hair falling out, Larry still managed to grill her a little more. Hey, If I'm breathing my final breaths in this life, I most certainly would NOT end my Legacy or lack there of, on Larry King. I'd be laying in my friggin' bed waiting to die! At least Larry King got a stiffy from talking to half of the former PTL Network. Jim Baker? Where the hell is he?

Toys, Toys, and MORE Toys. A real "Toy Story" without Tim Allen and Tom Hanks.

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  OK folks, let's give it up for a special edition of "TSP WORLDWIDE v. 4.0". Hard to believe we're beginning the slippery slope towards the end of summer. Although there's about a month and a half of having the kids at home, They already saw "Spiderman", "Fantastic Four" and all the Disney computermation films. All that's left is that damn Harry Potter book before the kids move on to opening up fire hydrants and shooting out Mr. Wilson's window with a slingshot. There's the good ol' Wal-Mart. They claim to be a "pure" place to shop with no dirty music or dirty movies but meanwhile they are such a good EOE that forces workers to work for 16 hours and get paid for only eight. Well, tonight I'm taking a look at our local store down the street, and all the shenanigans that go along with it. I will also touch on the future of carnivals in Illiana and why it's time to take a giant pair of hedge clippers to their power lines so they can pack it up and head back to Florida...Well, let's do it.
• Ahhh Yes...Wal-Mart. In the late 80's/early 90's the only way you'd see one is off an Interstate out in the sticks. If you were to push James Earl Jones and Kevin Costner to the side as you make your way through the cornfields, you'll come across a Sam Walton property. I've never seen so many John Deere caps and bib overalls in my life! Then I heard they were expanding to Chicago and knocking down the old "Monkey Wards" in Lansing to build a new store. Pushing all their corporate and legal troubles aside, they've made the news again a few times this week. I stopped in for a few odds and ends and I got started on this rant because of that silly Betty Crocker oven for little girls that is said to either cause 2nd or 3rd degree burns by a child reaching inside, or it may even start on fire. There towards the end of the aisle were a few shelves with this "oven". They should have pulled them off the shelf! I will say this: I never heard of anyone getting 3rd degree burns from a 40 watt bulb...if it hurts, LET GO!
• Also in the store, dolls, action figures and other stuff from years past, to those associated with current movies. What better wayto slip in some other newcomers in between Spiderman and Batman? Well, Moses parted the Red Sea, so he can surely part Spidey and Batman. As of right now, there's only a Jesus and a Moses. They stand as tall as all the other action figures however, these toys are supposed to lure kids away from the other toys that are "unsuitable for kids". Here's my problem...Good idea for some people I guess but, launching a line of TWO toys and nothing else right now, and placing it between WWE and Darth Vader...Well, is that a good thing? Until they develop more stuff, the toymaker ought to consider making Jesus with a Kung Fu grip and Moses with a rocket cycle to jump the Grand Canyon.
• Weirdos, freaks, hippies, crack heads, drunks...Where do you find all this? Not just in Downtown Chicago. Go to a local carnival. Considering there's plenty to pick from. Put on some rubber gloves, a good pair of jeans (So as not to get poked by any needles) and head over to one of those trailers with your lemonade shake-up and funnel cake. The trailers that house the row of clowns where you may spend $25 or more before you finally shoot the water at the clown and bust the balloon before they give you a prize worth about a dime and imported from China. There's also the game with the gun where you shoot at the paper star, the horse racing game, throwing dangerous darts at balloons, posters and maybe people too, and last but not least for the people that will never see Las Vegas, they can put their life savings on a dizzy field mouse running into the closest hole just to get the damn thing over with. The rides? Forget about it! Hard to believe that a 2" screw can cause a big ferris wheel to collapse and go rolling. Bottom Line: greasy foods high in sugar, games that teach sharpshooting with a firearm, as well as gambling on a field mouse...Do teenagers need this crap? The rides are in a class by themselves. I use caution at Six Flags and Disney World. A carnival? Certainly not. Until next time, kick it!
  
  

"Catholic in Chicago? Here's for you..."

All my eggs fit into one basket today as I take a moment to reflect on a man who looks in the mirror every morning after applying his Brill Creme to the hair and wonders why he was born white. This guy is Catholic Priest Michael Pfleger. If he hasn't done so already, Pfleger is probably scoping out a young, black boy as I write this. I write about this character today because there are white people in his church that are seeking help. Fr. Pfleger shuffles these people to the bottom of the deck because well. us white folk are living high on the hog. If we're poor, it's our own fault because we're not working hard enough. In recent weeks, Pfleger's time has been consumed with marches in and around Chicago protesting the sale of guns. Jesse Jackson walked hand in hand with the Priest as they made their way to the end of Chicago's border in Riverdale and stood in front of the door to prohibit entry and exit from what is a legitimate business for over 40 years. According to these yahoo's facts and figures, over half of homicides in America can be traced back to this Riverdale gun shop. These guys aren't doing ANY community service...in fact, this is like Mt. St. Helens. There's smoke and a lot of gurgling and burping and something big is going to erupt soon. Jackson needs to zip his lip and relocate to another Country. There was only one Martin Luther King Jr. and Jesus didn't appoint Jackson to fill his shoes. Pfleger? Either be a Priest, or be a policeman. Don't do both. I know, if he had his way, Father Pfleger would give the black community in Chicago a good job making $200,000 a year and a home worth a half a million dollars with a Lexus and Mercedes in the driveway. For us white folks, the very white Fr. Pfleger wants to put the screws to us by giving more perks to blacks than they already have, and make life for whites miserable. Is this a Christian thing to do? We're all supposed to be on an even level in Society. Hatred is just the beginning of trouble. Remember Hitler. Don't worry Michael and Jesse, they're not putting your Nobel Peace Prizes together anytime soon.