"Britney goes from bad to worse...has she FINALLY lost all her marbles?"

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On this particular Saturday, Ms. Spears lands her place in The Squealing Pig's crosshairs! - A divorce may very well be good enough reason to mope around the house for a while and have Netflix and Domino's on your speed dial but, Britney Spears has really cranked things up a few notches since the split with K-Fed. Two examples of enigmas...mysteries wrapped in a riddle. If Sigmund Freud were alive to sit down and have a chat with either of the two, he'd throw his hands in the air and give up.

Mickey Mouse cries himself to sleep every night. Long gone are the days of The New Mickey Mouse Club where a couple of teens by the names of Britney Spears, Justin Timberlake, and Christine Aguelerra all sported the Mickey ears and danced and pranced like faries.

Trouble on the set of Britney's first music video. e grace of God. Her head will be as bare as a newborn baby's bottom. She performs for all of mankind while unbeknownst to most, gives the necessary tools for the planets final battle. Britney's first CD featured a music video to pop in your computer. The trouble came in when then 16 year old Britney appeared as a uniform wearing schoolgirl with short, plaid skirt and knee high white stockings. Often times she would bend over to show her underwear while twirling her pigtails. Everyone was on her case as well as the record company for "prostituting" a teenager to sell records. Many people saw this coming including the often controversial Nostrodamus who wrote in one of his writings that, "At the end of the 2000th Sun, an angel will fall from thHer strong determination will allow to rise to the top of producing a one world government often defined as the NWO or, New World Order. She can be stopped however, MILLIONS will die in doing so." Could the famed prophet be referring to Britney?

Britney's visit with Eric Clapton ends abruptly. Sources say that since Britney's weird, erratic behavior began in public on New Year's Eve, she may have a few screws loose. First up was dying the hair to black. Now, in between boozing it up with Paris Hilton she all of a sudden has a thing for tattoos. Is this what prompted her to shave her head (In a really shitty way too) to make way for the tattoo artist to give her some ink on the back of her head as well as her wrist? She may need a needle stuck into her head, but not one full of ink. In conclusion peeps, this is good entertainment however, what kind of Mom is she to her kids when she's out doing all this crazy stuff all hours of the night. I'm sorry to say that at the "old age" of 21, Britney is following in the footsteps of Anna Nicole. Amazingly, I'm the only one who sees this. Finally, we don't need another Sinead O' Connor. The only thing that excuses you to shave that head is cancer. You don't have it, or do you?

"Slim Fast, Men,Oxycontin, Men, Everclear, and MEN and a head in the fridge!"

One week later and the newspaper tabloids are still dishing up the dirt on all the unanswed questions Anna Nicole took to the grave with her. These are some things you may have seen or read about however, the majority of these items will wiggle their way into your living room very soon. I for one, had access to some of this stuff with my media pass. Now, without breaking any rules, I can merely shed a quick light on the controversy which hasn't even begun to spew smoke, let alone erupt like a dormant volcano.

• You may have seen Access Hollywood or one of those similar shows rush to Anna's vacant Hotel room in Florida to open up the fridge and take a look inside. Yes, it was slim pickin's as most of the food was spoiled. Inside were all kinds of pills from her much hyped deal with Trimspa. There was Vicadin, Oxycontin and methylamphedomenes. Several wrapped sandwiches were in there as well as a bottle of the grain alcohol Everclear. What they didn't immediately see, was the severed head of Anna Nicole on the top shelf (until they put things back in order, Anna's funeral has been put on hold). Here's something else you didn't know: Anna was staying at the Hollywood Florida Hilton Hotel. As a sidenote, Paris and Nikki Hilton had slept there several hours between 3 am and 7:30 am. Twenty minutes later the hotel cleaning woman attempted to enter Anna's room for a cleaning. After knocking and no answer, the maid used the pass key to enter only to discover a gruesome scene that had her on the next Grayhound bus back to Mexico. Did the Hilton sisters do it or, they just happened to be in the Florida area tat night? How about the maid? Scared of what she saw, or scared of getting caught?
• Next up, Anna's little dog "Sugarpie" is on the list for a DNA test. In the above photo taken only days before her death, Anna poses with her beloved baby who bears an uncanny resemblance to Sugarpie. Is it possible that Anna foresaw her own demise and had the semen of her doggie implanted inside her to crossbreed a human and animal? See for yourself as the little tyke appears to have a normal body however, the head of a dog.
• A few more contestants to go, and we'll have a panel to play "Hollywood Squares! No matter if you're a man or woman, young or old, white, black, or mexican...If you've been to Hollywood Florida, you might have woken up early in the morning in a strange Hotel room with Anna Nicole snoring louder than a 747 taking off the runway and her naked body on top of you. In the collage of four photos above, from upper left we have Zsa Zsa Gabor's swinging husband who claims to be a Prince, Duke, or whatever. The old fart was more than happy to brag to Zsa Zsa that he bagged Anna and that kid of hers belongs to HIM. Next up, Attorney Howard K. Stern who although still claims to be the Father, also admits to comply with Anna's wishes of underfeeding the child so she can be "Sexy". Stern also acted as Anna's "hook-up" when she was being bitchy and needed drugs. Even while pregnant, Anna pushed this guy out to the bad neighborhoods of Florida to purchase dope. Late last year, the two stopped short of getting married and instead, called it a "bonding ceramony". How about SIRRIUS radio's Howard Stern? His name gets tossed into the hat because Anna and the other Howard often appeared as guests on his radio show. DJ Howie would often get angry when the other Howard refused to allow Anna to be on the microphone alone. Like a defense Attorney in a big murder trial, Howard K. would coach Anna along and make sure she didn't make a fool of herself. When Stern the DJ had a run in with her lawyer and telling him he had no business taking part in Anna's conversation on the air, Anna and her Attorney stormed out only to leave DJ Stern high and dry for the final hour. In order to make sure he's not overshadowed by Anna's death and all the hoopla, DJ Howie proposed to his model/ girlfriend. Way to go Howie! Last but not least is excercise guru Richard Simmons. He may be as queer as the day is long however, years back worked with Anna "Sweat'n to the Oldies" and was reported by people in the class to be sporting a woody when close to Anna. ...Hey, draw your own conclusions. So, now what?
• Enough pussyfooting around. LET'S FIND THE FATHER! Yeah, it's easy to play armchair quarterback and decide what in the heck tarnation is going on. Why are so many people waiting in lines to take blood tests to prove they ARE the Father? Most guys head for the hills when they learn they are only one of a few men to have helped produce the baby. End this chapter RIGHT NOW and take the whole kit and kaboodle to Maury Povich! Yes, he's one tough Jew that can easily point out a playa and liar even before the test even starts. See how quick these guys climb over one another to get legal custody of the kid after they find out that Anna left her whole fortune to her son that died of a lethal mix of pills just last year while visiting Mom and baby in the hospital! You better believe more is to come on this topic!

BREAKING NEWS: THE DEATH OF ANNA NICOLE SMITH

ANNA NICOLE SMITH DEAD AT 39. Hard to believe the crazy blonde, Marilyn Monroe lookalike dropped dead in Florida. Wait a minute~ I shouldn't be shocked by anything Anna Nicole did. At least once every few months, Anna has made it a point to make it into the headlines. Now, I'll admit one thing: Drugs or not, Anna looked damn good after the Trimspa or whatever the hell it was she was taking. This was an unnecessary death fueled by drugs and alcohol. She did dope with her son who passed away after Thanksgiving from dope, had a baby and the jury is still out on who the Daddy is. A mock marriage to Attorney Howard Stern (Not to be confused with the radio star) set everything in motion. As Anna battled personal demons in recent months, it almost goes without saying that Anna never shook off the drug abuse...and now she's dead. Will E! do a special on her funeral? Oh boy, nothing would shock The Pig!

"This little piggy needs a day of rest but, tomorrow is another story"!

Coming Tomorrow:

• "I'll bet you never heard of THIS bet"
• Dave Matthews poops on Chicago one more time
• American Idol sells it's soul to the devil
• ...And much more to come.