"These Two Toons Hit A Sour Note In The Same Week!"

Hard to fathom that a meatball, milkshake, and container of french fries nearly got us into World War III, but that's exactly how it almost went down over a day ago. Homeland Security was on high alert yesterday when some commuters driving to work in Boston noticed several "bombs" sprinkled around town that had blinking lights and four "D" sized batteries with wires attached to it. Police were notified and they in turn notified the Bomb and Arson Unit who went to check things out. As it was, it was nothing more than an advertising gimmick for Cartoon Network. Aqua Teen Hunger Force is a silly cartoon that comes on late night as part of the channel's "Adult Swim" lineup. In the end, they found several black blinking boxes that were strategically placed in areas such as under bridges and overpasses and large buildings that see a lot of foot traffic. While President Bush was nervously sweating by his red telephone, the bomb experts realized nothing was in the boxes to detonate. In fact, upon inspection it turns out these things were put together on the same principle as the child's toy "Lite Brite". pegs in a board with a light source behind run by batteries! While all this was going on, nine other cities including Chicago were discovered to have the same devices. Two guys in Boston were arrested for dropping these boxes off and terrorizing Boston. It's a "Lite Brite" for God sakes! Toys R Us had better pull those things off the shelf! Funny thing is, these guys who only worked the Boston area got in deep doo-doo when all they were doing is what they were told to do. Boston's Police Chief and Mayor are already calculating the cost of the damage done and are asking these two guys who will pay the two million dollars for scaring the hell out of everyone. These two college kids are going to have to throw a lot of keg parties for the rest of their life! The guy behind it all is media mogul Ted Turner who has Cartoon Network as part of his arsenal. What happens now? He did what he set out to do: Get everyone talking about Cartoon Network and hping you'll tune in.

A quick note on what was reported on Dateline NBC's Internet Predators series and how SpongeBob Squarepants is connected. Earlier this week I tuned into Dateline and they had their show about the Internet again. Their "sting" operation caught 38 guys who drove miles and hours to the home of what they thought was a 12 year old girl looking for sex. It was actually an 18 year old actress playing the part. Of course, the guy rings the doorbell and they're immediately confronted by a Dateline reporter who reads transcripts of often explicit conversations and then tells them they can go home. As soon as they walk out the door they're ambushed by 20 cops and arrested. Of note that evening was a guy in his 20's who got busted. The interesting thing of note was while questioning him, police discover he does animation for SpongeBob Squarepants on Nickelodian. At the end it was reported that the guy no longer has a job or anything else for that matter. That's one hell of a mess for SpongeBob to soak up!

"Be The Hero of Your Super Bowl Party with Dave's Signature Sub!"

Yes folks, Dave has done it again! I've put my own spin on a classic sandwich just in time for your Super Bowl 41 party! You probably have most of the ingredients in your cupboard or refrigerator. If not, go to the store and while there, grab some chips and a couple cases of Old Style to make the game a true Chicago classic!

Dave's 41 Super Sub

• Get yourself a nice variety of lunchmeats from the grocer's deli. Get yourself some nice cheeses too. Make sure you have the counter help slice everything thin enough to read the newspaper through. Some bologna, pastrami, salami, turkey, ham, olive loaf, and roast beef. For cheese, some swiss will do as well as a can of Cheeze Whiz.
• One jar of a good brown mustard
• Mayonaise
• Thousand Island dressing
• Hot peppers
• A big ripe tomato
• One big Vadalia onion
• Lettuce
• Pickles
• Torpedo rolls

Here's what to do when you get back home: Two days prior to the game, leave the meats and cheeses on the countertop and preferably in the direct sunlight too. Next, you'll need a friend who loves skydiving, mountain climbing or anything risky. It's important that this person likes to gamble and take chances because this friend is going to put everything above together into a sandwich and eat it on Saturday afternoon. When you're forced to drive your pal to the ER that night, this is when you get the store on the phone and threaten them with legal action for making your friend sick. Scare them a little bit by telling them you have connections with the best Law Firm in town and will end up owning the place by the time its done. They should respond with a generous offer to settle out of court. You might have to haggle a bit but tell them about your party the next day and that all the food is bad. They should cut you a check for several thousand bucks which you can pick up later at night. Your friend should be up and around and discharged by noon on Sunday. In the end, your friend has money for his overnight stay at the hospital, and with the leftover money you can go to Quizno's and get one of everything on the menu as well as phoning Rent-A-Center for a rental on a big screen television. Now THAT'S the American way!

Sorry to say, I predict The Colts over THE BEARS: 24-17

More Bears, Porno Potter, The Uncomfortable Pink Slip, and These Birds Will Sing...Again!

• The "Super Bowl Sickness" is in full swing and I for one have had just about enough! So far this week (and it's only Wednesday) I've heard everything I ever wanted to know and more! It's a bit strange when ESPN shows basketball, hockey and other stuff, and the NFL Network is showing old games from 25 years ago while the local news is pulling in all their resources to make sure we know EVERYTHING about Miami. Some of what I've learned thus far is the current temp. on the beach, if it will be sunny or rain tomorrow, how much the cost of living is there, , how bad the drugs and crime rate compare with other places, how The Bears got a bum deal with their hotel accomodations and what time Rex Grossman went to bed and got up. All of Lovie Smith's in-laws were also tracked down to give their two cents on the calmest coach in the NFL. I've also managed to learn that thanks to all our modern technology, there's not a second in the day that we have to go without hearing the same stories told over and over. ABC7 in Chicago says that we can have all the lastest news on the big game sent to our cellphones via text, or sent to your desktop pc, or your Bluetooth, If you're not up to date yet, they can call your house at 3 am and update you or send you a telegram thru Western Union. Also, McDonald's may have a wake up call however, nothing compares to an early morning call from a recording of Lovie Smith. All that we have yet to find out is how many times Lovie Smith takes a poop each day!
• People in the United Kingdom just don't play by anyone's rules. Case and point: Harry Potter's Daniel Radcliffe's new gig in a stageplay. The only buzz that comes from the other side of "The Big Pond" is that the teen has a risque role and spends most of the show nearly naked. The play is causing quite a stir because the young man's squeaky clean image onscreen has been dragged through the mud and his future with the Potter franchise now is questionable. Oh, don't worry, he's not apologizing about anything to anyone...he merely just wants to widen his roles, nevermind the fact that the play is about a young man's love for horses who gets up close and personal while almost naked. Those crazy Brits! In America, this is called child porn and lands you in jail!
• One of the first talk show casualties this season was the end of Geraldo at Large. Just a few weeks ago, Jimmy Kimmel had the guy on his show and Geraldo was bragging about his ratings. "We're gonna be on a long, long, time" he boasted. He probably jinxed himself by opening up his yapper because it's already off the air and replaced by M*A*S*H which can now be seen pretty much around the clock. Now, the next one to get the pink slip is this screwball Greg Berhendt (above) who got his own show by some fluke after writing a few books on relationships and writing scripts for Sex and The City. I knew this guy was a hack. He said that he's been in rehab for drugs and alcohol a few times, came Soooo close to being a rock star ( and the dye job on the spiked hair and clothes that don't match say Paula Poundstone circa 1985) He's done it all...that's right, DONE it all. Now he can add talk show to the list of "been there done that". Hopefully he didn't get "Tribune Company" tattooed on his ass like Danny Bonaduce did.
• Finally, as reported earlier this week, this is a big time in music. It really may be the 1980's all over again. Now, there's another group tossing their hats into the ring...The Eagles sure they've had their big reunion tour a few years back and I guess their bank vault is coming down to the last few million.so it's time to hit the studio. Speaking of hit, what group will be the first to realize they can't get along in any way anymore and make a song or two and call it quits? Of the three groups, I predict that Van Halen will not make it. If for no other reason, David Lee Roth needs a good haircut.

Problems with posting but hopefully fixed later.

• When things get back to normal, here's what you can expect:
• The Chicago Bears and all the hype. Enough is enough already! This Super Bowl might crash like the Hindenberg.
• Nicole Kidman's driving school...an accident, or was Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes behind the trouble on the set of her latest movie?
• Guess who's made up and headed into the studio? David Lee Roth and Van Halen. Something tells me that they'll get half way done before Eddie Van Halen gets pissed and throws him out again. Sammy Hagar? To make things nice, he doesn't want any part of that baloney. Anyway, things are better in Cabo Wabo.
• Another reunion that was never supposed to happen...The Police have also taken to the studio. Sting, Andy Summers, and Stewart Copeland who last played together in 1983 with the release of their top selling record Synchronicity. "Roxanne" was a good song however, anyone that knows my history will know that past events have since tarnished the song. The whole story becomes available when I can post again!